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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be upset DM left 9 week old alone all night...

341 replies

kiki22 · 09/04/2012 20:00

DS stayed over with my mum last night for the first time he is 9 weeks i know some may say this is to early and why would i want my baby to stay away but i am happy with him staying with his grandparents over night so don't need any advice on that it's what happened last night that i'd like opinions on.

When DS is at home he goes up to the bedroom to his crib about 7 and stays there alone untill i go to bed about 10 with the baby monitor on then is in the room with us the rest of the night. My mum has a bedroom for my niece at her house which isn't used as DN sleeps with DM the plan last night was to settle DS in the kids room and DN in DMs room then swap them at DS 12am feed i was ok with this as DSD would be awake until then.

What actually happened was at 12 they decided not to move the kids incase DN (5) woke up as 'she would be up for ages' at first i thought DSD co-slept in the single bed with DS which i wasn't very happy with anyway since he had his pram he could have slept in as need be but then i was told actually DM DSD and DN all slept together while DS slept down the hall on his own all night apart from his 12 and 4 feeds.

I am so upset not only because of the risks of cot death or any major problem that are unlikely but the thought of my tiny baby waking up all alone during the night. He quite often wakes and moans a little to be settled so even tho it didn't happen if he did wake he would have had to cry loud enough to wake someone sleeping in another room to be comforted by which point he would be very upset. AIBU or would you be upset to? I said something earlier which was brushed off but really feel like i need to tell her it's not acceptable and would like an apology tbh.

OP posts:

HappyMummyOfOne · 09/04/2012 20:22

YABVU, its a huge ask to find a sitter willing to take such a small baby overnight so you cant then lay down the law over care. Solution takes care of itself in future though, look after the baby yourself.

everlong · 09/04/2012 20:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TidyDancer · 09/04/2012 20:23

Yes, YABU. He wasn't alone all night, he was well looked after, care for by his GM and fed on schedule.

If you want him to be cared for according to your rules, then you care for him yourself. If you're getting free childcare, you lose the right to dictate the minute details.

Sounds like your DM is a great GP.

JustHecate · 09/04/2012 20:23

I'm assuming that's a stepfather. dear step dad. maybe. I don't know, really.

TidyDancer · 09/04/2012 20:24

care cared

TheCountessOlenska · 09/04/2012 20:24

Well, I personally would never leave my 9 week old overnight but seeing as you are happy with this I can't see that your mother did anything wrong. She fed him and would have responded if he was really crying.

Poor her looking after all those children though!

LydiaWickham · 09/04/2012 20:25

X posted, oh the "I don't need a monitor, i'll hear them" line - I left DS for the first time with my MIL when he was 18 months, she was given the monitor but didn't use it. It seems the first time in his life he slept from 7pm to 8am without waking once. Except he blantently didn't, he was exhausted when I picked him up, it's just that MIL didn't wake up until 8am and didn't wake in the night. Next time he stayed with her he was 2, again, she said he slept 13 hours. Again, was shattered, like he'd not slept. Don't believe her.

MIL asks to have DS a lot, she won't be having him overnight again for at least another year, I want to be certain he can get out of bed and wake her up before I'll let him stay again - you're the parent, it doesn't matter what your mum wants, it matters what you think is best for him. You don't have to be rude or insult her care, just decline further offers of overnight care.

gafhyb · 09/04/2012 20:25

It's hard, OP.

I totally trusted my mum and dad. They even took video of the time we were away - my mum sang all the same songs to him that I did, played the same music at feeding time. We watched it when we came back .....

gafhyb · 09/04/2012 20:27

I agree with that Hecate. I know it might bring the wrath of some down, but I found we got into a much better routine when mine moved into their own rooms, because I only went to them went they were really hungry.

ragged · 09/04/2012 20:29

Some of us slept in other rooms & never had monitors at all*. I expect that's how your mum did things, OP. Do you think she screwed up with you?

(*though to be fair I also co-slept most of the time, just went & slept other places too, and definitely happy to never have a monitor)

chimchar · 09/04/2012 20:30

Yabu.

It all sounds a bit bonkers tbh. You either trust your mum to look after your baby well, or you don't. If its the latter, then don't let him go and look after him yourself.

everlong · 09/04/2012 20:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gafhyb · 09/04/2012 20:31

sorry that should have been really were hungry, not were really hungry

BellaOfTheBalls · 09/04/2012 20:31

YABU. Completely unreasonable actually.

Yes risks of cot death etc are increased when in their own room but I think your DM has a point about not waking all the other children & potentially having them up for hours.

Nothing happened. You had a lovely night I'm sure & your DS is absolutely fine. If you make a big deal about it to your mother you risk her refusing to have him again.

Original poster

kiki22 · 09/04/2012 20:31

I do think she's crazy wanting to keep a 9 week old over night i finally caved to the line 'i raised you your sister and dn ok he'll be fine' she also didnt tell me she was having DN which is even crazier. I live 5 mins walk away so could have been there if there was any problems now i wish i didn't bother i slept better with him here anyway.

The main problem is she told me one thing and done another and has always said co sleeping is best she done it with us and still does it with DN (5) she's been saying i'm cruel for 9 weeks because he's alone in the evenings now suddenly she leaves him without even a monitor i just don't get it.

OP posts:

VivaLeBeaver · 09/04/2012 20:31

I thought you were going to say DS had been home alone all night, that your mum had gone clubbing or something.

Yabu.

AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 09/04/2012 20:32

You answered your own question really...you can't trust anyone else with a newborn other than his own vigilant parents. I would not leave a 9 week old with anyone else. YABU.

QuintessentialShadows · 09/04/2012 20:32

I dont actually see why you need a babysitter, seeing as you dont need him babysat, at 9 weeks, sleeping through. Heck, why dont you shove him into the shed if you want a night without a child?

Ilovedaintynuts · 09/04/2012 20:32

YABU and a bit precious.
He was looked after and his needs were met.
If it wasn't to your satisfaction then don't do it again. Lesson learned.

AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 09/04/2012 20:33

You don't like the way others have taken care of him...because he is brand NEW therefore listen to your instincts and keep him with you for now.

mosschops30 · 09/04/2012 20:33

I would totally leave a 9 wk old overnight with a close friend or relative so no issue there.
But i am sniggering slightly at the fact that you posted he was left alone all night i thought you were going to say your sitter buggered off down the bingo and didnt come home.
He was just in another room fgs, im sure if he was that upset and lonely he would have made it known

gafhyb · 09/04/2012 20:36

Quint

Now now, the OP has explained her mum offered to take him

As I have mentioned my mum and dad looked after one of mine for a night at this age. It was lovely. I had mild PND at the time and was desperate to feel a little bit normal again. It was my Birthday and we stayed at a hotel about a mile away. My mum and dad had a great time with him - it was really generous of them to do it.

AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 09/04/2012 20:36

Well Mosschops I wouldn't like it either....it's the whole "More cot death risk" thing...babies who sleep in separate rooms are statisically at risk of SIDS more than babies who share a room with their parent.

gafhyb · 09/04/2012 20:36

... OTOH, totally understand some couldn't imagine doing it.

Original poster

kiki22 · 09/04/2012 20:38

Quint we don't have a shed and the neighbours won't let us use theres im afraid

OP posts:

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