to be fed up with 'our' weekrnd routine.

[fullofregrets]

Every weekend since DS was born nearly three years ago this has been what DH has done:

Saturday: get up about 9.30, go and have cooked breakfast at his mum's, play golf all day, home about 5pm.

Sunday: lie in bed until 1ish, take DS to mil for Sunday lunch whilst I catch up housework, lie on sofa at mil's whilst she plays with DS. I know this is what he does as that he what he does if I ever go with them.

Today DH is still in bed despite saying we could go out for the day as a family which we never ever do. He will no doubt be there for several hours more.

The kind part of my brain thinks DH works long hours and is tired. The less kind part thinks DS has never slept through the night since born and DH has never once given me a night off or a lie in even in the early days after I'd had a c section.
Also DH never does anything with DS apart from take him to mil. He's never taken him swimming or to that park or anything. On the rare occasion I go out in the evening I have to wait for DS to go to sleep first as DH won't 'babysit.' If I ever complain DH says 'ok, we'll swap. You go out and work and I'll stay at home all day.'

AIBU to think DH should make more effort? If not for me then for DS. He's getting to the age now where he asks why daddy doesn't go anywhere with us.

Re read your post

Honestly

You know the answer

You've just to have the balls to make demands and get over 'the guilt' that will be poured on you

I agree.
You KNOW this isn't on. This is not what family life is about.

He won't 'babysit'?

He's a pig.

This is not on - but you know that.

Book a spa day with a girlfriend. Or get her to book it as a 'surprise'

" If I ever complain DH says 'ok, we'll swap. You go out and work and I'll stay at home all day.'"

Take him up on this sensible offer.

Shut 3yo in bedroom with twat DH. Take cup of coffee into garden, shut doors, plug into ipod.

Tell him you'd love a nice relaxing day at the office with time to drink tea while still and eat lunch al, in one go, thank you very much.

If I push the issue I get accused of nagging and he says 'no one tells me what to do.' I'm not actually telling him. Just repeatedly suggesting! On holiday last month instead of 'nagging' him to get up so we could go out I just left him. 2pm he got up. He then complained because I hadn't got him out of bed. He's a grown man! He manages for golf...

Why did he want to have a child in the first place? His is not normal parental behaviour.

Why don't you just agree to swap, say for one day, you will (if you can find it) go out and do temp work and he stays home with the toddler, or if you have some money then you go off and stay in a hotel for 24 hours, or go to friends if you have no money. He will change his tune within hours. Ex was practically having a nervous breakdown the first time dd2 stayed overnight at his.

I agree - but a spa day isn't going to fix this fucked up marriage to an entitled, lazy, self serving, disinterested shit.

He is treating his wife like a member of staff. Saturday he has to himself to pursue his hobby, and Sunday he stays in bed for most of the day. All of this occurs while the OP looks after THEIR child.

If she wants a bit of time to herself, he refuses to look after THEIR child.

Fuck that. He has no respect for her at all. None.

"No one tells me what to do"

"You seem to have no problem dictating to others, though"

If he works outside the home and you work inside it, then weekends and evenings should be shared equally.

You need to grow a pair and tell him a few facts. Good luck OP.

he is a selfish twat and you are letting him away with it , sorry but he goes to his mums for breakfast then dinner while you catch up on house work go with him do something else you are his wife not his skivvy , sorry to be so harsh but stories like this really piss me off , either stand up to him or make your own weekend arrangememnts ,

I'd tell him to shape up or ship out. How old is he ? Can you go and stay at your mothers for a few days ? Pretend you've left him even if you don't intend to just to give him a boot up the arse.

He really is thoughtless and selfish.

Do you want to spend the next 30 years with him?

Leave the bastard

OP why on earth do you put up with this?

Where's solidgoldbrass?

I do have to agree with that. You ARE putting up with it, scuttling around fitting in with his self entitled schedule.
Tell him to do one, and get a life of your own!

What's the point in having a husband like this? He sounds like a mummy's boy who was spoiled throughout his childhood.

On the other hand, is he nice enough that you actually want to spend the day with him? I think his sense of entitlement would make me glad he'd gone out for the day.

and dont listen to his i work all week pish and dont feel guilty about it either

He is a rotten father. He is going to have NO relationship with his son. What is he going to be like during the teenage years, when sons really need a good male role model?

Who cooks Sunday lunch for you, OP?

As others have said, re-read your post. What would you be saying if someone else had written it?

And I'm not sure that it's the 'weekend routine' that I'd be fed up with...

What an arsehole.

YANBU, I actually think you are my friend as your situation sounds very similar (I know you're not due to the c-sec).

Its outragious that men behave like this and so frustrating, unfortunately it sounds as if he is not willing to change and clearly doesn't want to so you have to decide whether this is how you want to live your live.

You and your DS deserve better, weekends should be family times, my DH works long hours plus has private clients in the evenings but will still bath and put the kids to bed, look after them if I go away for a weekend and do family stuff with all of us at weekends.

Everyone deserves a partner who puts in equal effort, so many men say they want kids then do fuck all once they arrive. In my close group of friends there are literally 2 out of the 7 men who actually full on contribute (time/effort not just money), 4 that do a bit but are still lazy fuckers and the other 1 who is a complete waste of space and does nothing at all!