to be fed up with 'our' weekrnd routine.

[fullofregrets]

Every weekend since DS was born nearly three years ago this has been what DH has done:

Saturday: get up about 9.30, go and have cooked breakfast at his mum's, play golf all day, home about 5pm.

Sunday: lie in bed until 1ish, take DS to mil for Sunday lunch whilst I catch up housework, lie on sofa at mil's whilst she plays with DS. I know this is what he does as that he what he does if I ever go with them.

Today DH is still in bed despite saying we could go out for the day as a family which we never ever do. He will no doubt be there for several hours more.

The kind part of my brain thinks DH works long hours and is tired. The less kind part thinks DS has never slept through the night since born and DH has never once given me a night off or a lie in even in the early days after I'd had a c section.
Also DH never does anything with DS apart from take him to mil. He's never taken him swimming or to that park or anything. On the rare occasion I go out in the evening I have to wait for DS to go to sleep first as DH won't 'babysit.' If I ever complain DH says 'ok, we'll swap. You go out and work and I'll stay at home all day.'

AIBU to think DH should make more effort? If not for me then for DS. He's getting to the age now where he asks why daddy doesn't go anywhere with us.

I think you should re-order your weekends.

You get a lie in one day, he gets a lie in the other day.

He should do his golf every other weekend and also take his kid to grandparents every other weekend.

That way you have one family day together each week with no MIL.

Have you talked to him abou t him being an absent parent despite being present? Can you ask him to read to your son or bath him each day? Maybe he needs direction/help?

he should be parenting his own child not 'baby sitting' it. he is the childs father after all

Oh god OP its 2012 dont put up with this

Dont wait years more , possibly having another baby, to realise that your marriage is a mistake

He sounds like a man not worth the effort of Relate etc

Cut to the chase and start anew

I know that sounds flippant I know very well how awful the process would be but with a better future at the end of it

How/Why the hell have you put up with this for so many years?

It's barking!

I'd have left many years ago.

out of interest OP - How is your sex life? Do you even want to have sex or any kind of intimacy with this man? If you do still have sex, is he tender and loving?

I ask because he doesn't sound very considerate or warm towards you. And if he isn't i wonder if this is reflected also in a lack of intimacy or selfish sexual style.

What were you like before you married him? Were you quite subservient then? Or did it slowly chip away? You say in your OP this was since the ds was born, what happened before then? Did it change because you stopped working? If so does he have a problem with you being a SAHP? Could you get a part time job?

Sorry to bombard you, but i am curious as to how this has been allowed to develop to such an appalling state.

Crikey OP! Your (D)H is seriously selfish. He should be spending his weekends with you, not his mother/the golf course. He needs to grow up.

Wow, your weekends are boring. Do you never go out the two of you or go out with friends?

He is a terrible father and husband and I'm astonished you're putting up with this too. Show him this thread. I also think you need to have a serious think about your relationship.

i was wondering what Spuddybean asked

Why don't you book a weekend away for the two of you and leave DS with MIL?

Your poor DS .

Why are you with him?

I'd tell him it's relate or divorce. The choice is his. He has to pull his finger out or you will leave him. You are very very unhappy. You must sit down and calmly explain this to him.

He thinks he is a 1950's dad. Also your needs and your kids needs must come above your MIL's needs. He needs to man up to his MIL. Why is she dictating what you do at weekends?

He needs to read this thread too - print it out if need be

Oh poor OP! Your DS must feel so unloved by his daddy too! :(

Not read all the posts, but so so sad that a son and his dad have no joy, fun or laughter - I cannot imagine how bleak that must feel.

Awful, just awful. :(

If you divorced him and he had contact of the levels many fathers think is 'too little' (one night in the week and every other weekend) then he'd spend more 1-1 time with his DS than he does while living under the same roof. That tends to be the benchmark for "is he a good or crap father?"

There are 2 lie ins available each weekend, he gets one, you get the other. He picks which one he wants. You expect him to get up and do breakfast/look after DS until lunchtime on the one that's 'yours'. Or thow him out. You will then get a lie in every other weekend.

Seriously your life would be much better as a single parent. Why on Earth did you marry this loser? See it as a blessing that your parents see his true colours.

Op I have nothing to add other than I feel for you and your Ds, as other have said this isn't acceptable and can't go on forever, your life is practically passing you by whilst you wait for you Dh to join in!

He sounds like a twat, sorry

This thread has made me feel very sad. You DS is missing out on a relationship with his dad because his dad cannot be bothered with him or family life. My friends beloved husband died just before Christmas , he was a wonderful father and would give anything to still be here. Makes me sad and angry to read of "fathers" like your son has.

My DH works a long tiring week but that does not excuse him from family life and nor would he want it to. He has a great relationship with our children and still gets time for his hobby. He has 3 hours on a sat morning while I take the girls swimming and then we do stuff together in the afternoon, I have a couple of hrs on a Sunday and the rest of the time we do stuff together. I work Part-time and STILL he has to pull his weight.

Your husband is walking all over you and neglecting his responsibilties as a partner and father and you are allowing him to do so.

I have all that and I work full time men are crap

Your husband sounds dreadful. Your MIL sounds insane.
Poor you and your poor DS. What an awful, draining time you must see ahead of you, trying to change things, or trying to leave. :(

But, honestly, you can do it. And then things will be better. Really. Don't just accept this nonsense. You deserve things to be better.

Golf...... a good walk spoilt.

OP, I'm seperated from my dd's mum so we have the 'standard' alternate weekends. I have my dd Sat -mon , often Thu-Mon now and for weeks in the holidays.

We have a very good relationship, perhaps stronger despite, possibly because of , being apart from her mum. We go swimming, walking, play, draw, cook, shop, garden, sledge etc etc etc

Your DH isn't normal in how he's relating to dc. It sounds like there's no bond..... and if that's your main objective, their bond, then you're going to have to engineer the future.

And that could be anything from organizing a class they both visit...... to leaving the bastard !

Some men can be bullish and lazy, which doesn't sit well with the reality of being a parent. He needs to spend more time with his son and less time with his mum.

He needs a reality check. He needs to hear that his child is suffering from his lack of effort.

OP, I really feel for you. You deserve a man who respects you. Your son deserves a daddy who is interested in him. I don't think a spa day will do much except prolong your ds' Grandma time and increase the amount of meals she cooks for her son. Men like this don't change. I've been there. They either find one poor sap who becomes a slave in all aspects of life or they simply go through woman after woman. I think you need to start getting your shit together. Save for a deposit, find out about benefits, could you stay with your Mum/family if needed? Could your ds be cared for while you went for interviews or studied etc? You may love him but trust me this will fade. When it does will you be as willing to be his slave. Think about your son. Think how your Mil treats her son and in turn how he treats you. Don't let your son reached adulthood having witnessed this his whole childhood. He may not be hitting you but I'm sure this is teetering on abusive. Look after yourself. Be strong for you and your son. [busmile]

How for your DS, that Daddy doesn't want to spend time with him or know how to interact with him... That he is so lacking in respect for you... That is awful. Your DH sounds awful. I'd be beyond livid with my DH if he treated me our our 3 DSs so casually and contemptibly. I wouldn't want to be with someone who so palpably didn't want to be part of our family. V and for you.