to be fed up with 'our' weekrnd routine.

[fullofregrets]

Every weekend since DS was born nearly three years ago this has been what DH has done:

Saturday: get up about 9.30, go and have cooked breakfast at his mum's, play golf all day, home about 5pm.

Sunday: lie in bed until 1ish, take DS to mil for Sunday lunch whilst I catch up housework, lie on sofa at mil's whilst she plays with DS. I know this is what he does as that he what he does if I ever go with them.

Today DH is still in bed despite saying we could go out for the day as a family which we never ever do. He will no doubt be there for several hours more.

The kind part of my brain thinks DH works long hours and is tired. The less kind part thinks DS has never slept through the night since born and DH has never once given me a night off or a lie in even in the early days after I'd had a c section.
Also DH never does anything with DS apart from take him to mil. He's never taken him swimming or to that park or anything. On the rare occasion I go out in the evening I have to wait for DS to go to sleep first as DH won't 'babysit.' If I ever complain DH says 'ok, we'll swap. You go out and work and I'll stay at home all day.'

AIBU to think DH should make more effort? If not for me then for DS. He's getting to the age now where he asks why daddy doesn't go anywhere with us.

He sounds awful, sorry op.

Oh my God.

I thought about posting what my DH does at the weekend since he became a father, but it would not be fair on you.

Why on earth are you putting up with this?

Just seen the x posts, I agree that you kind of let him get away with it as well, I say the same to my friend (I have put up with 6 years of moaning and tears over her DH) either she needs to stop moaning and do something about it or live with it as things will not change. I know its not that easy but I have been in an unhappy marriage and I did something about it as knew I couldn't spend my life like that, it makes me sad that other people live like that!

You'd be better off without him, you would actually get some respite when he had to have your ds!

He's a selfish, entitled twat. A complete and utter failure as both an husband and a father. Make life easier for yourself and get rid of this useless excuse for a human being. That way you're freeing yourself to find someone who truely cares for and respects you.

Your son is nearly three and his father has never taken him to the park?

OP I could actually weep at that. What a fucking prick. You know YANBU - question is, what are you going to do about it?

You know YANBU and he is B extremely U.

You must stand up to him.

Let him see that his selfish actions have consequences ? don't 'nag' him to get up; if that means he misses out on things, so much the better.

Tell him that you'll be coming to breakfast/Sunday lunch with him (or if you can't stand your MIL, go out for food with a friend/by yourself instead. If he asks why you haven't done the housework, ask him why HE hasn't.

And so on.

He's an absolute arsehole and you're being a mug OP.

This is a million miles away from how 'normal' husbands and fathers behave. And I say that as a SAHM who's husband works long hours.

How can you tolerate living like that? What does your DH actually bring to your life?

I'm with thether
Swap with him, seriously, tell him you're job hunting and he will be expected to give up his job when you get one.

If all he does is work (ie not sharing the childcare on weekends during holidays) then it is in fact easier for you to just work.

He seriously thinks he can leave work and switch off? You say he works long hours? Ok so what 50 - 60 hours a week? But you're on duty 168? 52 weeks of the year? Really?

And for the record my DH works a minimum of 46 up to 70 a week in the summer. And he helps with DS when he's home. And with housework when I want if I'm particularly ill (I'm ill all the time to an extent).

OP you have my sympathies. Men still think that their lives do not have to change when you have DCs...
And they still don't get that if they did things after first time of asking we would not need to repeat ourselves, ie nag....
What was your DHs dad like with him? Does DH have mates with kids? Might give you an insight as to why he's being a muppet.
All the best, OP

Seriously, he's hideous, sod his f8cking golf all day, selfish bastard

Golf?? Waste of a good walk, etc. is DH dull as golf?

You know he is taking the piss OP. He sounds like a nightmare.

Personally, in your situation, I don't think I could hack it. This is not a relationship I would want to pursue.

But if you don't want to leave, I would call his bluff. Tell him that you'd like to swap roles, so you go out to work and he stays st home. From what you've said about him, I'm certain that he won't agree, but it will give you somewhere to start negotiating from.

Seriously, though, do you really want to spend your life with this man? He sounds horrible.:(

As soon as 'golf' gets a mention, that's it - I'm out.
Golf is for wankers.

Did he want DS?

I think you just have to get up and out yourself first thing and leave him to it.

I can't imagine this being the only problem in your relationship...

BTW, I'm the main breadwinner in our family & work FT in a very stressful, demanding job. DH works PT. I have no sympathy with your DH whatsoever, he is being a selfish arse. It's time to stop being "kind" and enabling his shitty behaviour.

Your H is a twat.

Sounds like you've got two children not one.

Why don't you book yourself a weekend away with mates or family and see how he comes?

This really isn't on at all, you should both have the same amount of leisure time.

How about one weekend he does his thing and the next weekend you do yours, that would be fair wouldn't it.

Has anyone said it yet? leave the bastard. Seriously I don not see what you and DS are getting from this relationship with perry goes large, he is a manchild.

What sort of work does he do, for it to be sooooooo tiring? Sorry i have nought sympathy for I've been at work all day. You are enabling hime though and so is his M by the sound of it.

At the very least please tell me you aren't going to have more Dcs with this idiot? HTH

But it's not just about time off for the OP, is it? It's about time spent as a family as well. He sounds awful

Copes not comes! Damn phone!

I'm afraid my exh was like this. I tried everything suggested, and walked out and moved straight in with another woman. Then got her pregnant and behaved in the same way, so she kicked him out. Now he spends his time with various willing childless woman (who don't nag!), most likely hoping one will eventually let him move in, whilst now doing the bare minimum for either dd. Oh sorry he took them to the park last week, for the first time since before Christmas. He is a selfish child and will never change, and I drive myself demented trying to understand, but never will. So yanbu

Oi, careful! My park loving, nappy changing, sledge buying DP loves golf with a passion.

I feel really sad for you and your DS. He is not being a husband or a father. He is being a selfish, self-centred twat and he doesn't deserve either of you. It sounds like he wants the benefits of a marriage (someone else doing all the housework, parenting etc) with all the benefits of being a single man - i.e. doing what he wants when he wants.

BTW, you need to tell him that it isn't "babysitting" when you take care of your own child. It's called being a parent.

Seriously, get rid. It sounds as though whatever you say he won't hear it. Will just accuse you of nagging. Actions speak louder than words.

Have you considered speaking to a solicitor re a divorce?

There appears to be nothing in this relationship either for you or your ds and you sound so resigned to his 'routine'.

Your dh's behaviour is selfish and lazy, no consideration for you and his mother appears to let him laze on her sofa all day.