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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner of 8 years has just bought a motorbike

191 replies

CockyPants · 05/04/2012 15:03

After I told him I would leave him if he did. Have seen too many half dead bikers in a and e, and we have a 5 year old dd together. Only found out today after I opened letter from dvla, I thought it was pension stuff that I'd been dealing with for him this week. I'm so angry that I feel like packing my stuff and taking dd to my parents.

OP posts:
AmberLeaf · 05/04/2012 18:08

I stand to be corrected by stats Amber but my understanding anecdotally is it's the other way around - weekend warriors are far more likely to have an accident than regular comuters

Thats probably right im sure!

In my experience [eg people I know who ride and have come off] they always come a cropper during rush hour on way to/from work at safe speeds and because of other road users!

MissFaversham · 05/04/2012 18:11

OP from what I've read (the whole thread). It's not just the issue of the bike, the bike was the straw that broke the camels back (not saying your a camel before people start). It's a biggie. He goes behind your back and it's not on.

And I totally get the fact that you have a child now and you don't bloody want another irresponsible mid-life crisis one on your hands.

The man is blatantly wrong.

Original poster
CockyPants · 05/04/2012 18:15

Graham tribe, if he was already fireman,police army etc before I met him then I would have to suck it up. If he wanted to join, I cna't honestly say what I'd do or feel. I've read your previous post, you do have a point there.

Git has come home and said he's had bike for a couple of weeks. He's keeping it at his friends house. I can't stand this friend, but that's a whole new topic!
He didn't tell me because, in his exact words, he wanted to show me that nothing has changed in our life and relationship since he got the bike.
Words fail me. He is a thicker twat than I thought..and so in his words the deceit was justified...
He just doesn't get it. A lie is a lie. He doesn't seem that fussed about me leaving. He says he will still look after dd if we split. But that's not the issue.

OP posts:
Original poster
CockyPants · 05/04/2012 18:17

Astr0nauts dh. Really? Oppressed? Really?

From what I can tell of the male persuasion all they want is someone to look after them just like mummy did, oh and something to shag too....

Let the games begin....

OP posts:
janedoedoejanejanedoe · 05/04/2012 18:20

That's why I said anecdotally - it's been weekend rideouts in my experience.

cocky astronauts dh was - joking.

Astr0naut · 05/04/2012 18:21

I think DH would like to be oppressed on a regular basis, but as we have two tiny dcs, that won't be happening for a long while. Wink

Original poster
CockyPants · 05/04/2012 18:23

Me joking too, Jane! I don't think astr0naut would let him get away with it!

OP posts:
janedoedoejanejanedoe · 05/04/2012 18:23

CRoss posted cocky - of course he will be gutted if you leave - I still think there is a huge element of don't tell me what to do to this.

All joking aside - it would be a sad thing to end your marriage over - because to me you both seem wrong.

Diff between your dh and me is I'd have ridden home on it as soon as you laid down the law.

Astr0naut · 05/04/2012 18:24

Cocky I am oppressed. I look after myself like mummy did. Free me from these chains. Free we men!!!!!!!!!!!

Xales · 05/04/2012 18:26

He doesn't seem that fussed about me leaving.

Says it all to me sorry Sad

lalaland3008 · 05/04/2012 18:26

I think yabu, he's a grown adult he can buy whatever he chooses. You can't just threaten to leave someone each tiem they don't do what you want.

Biking is a hobby.

Astr0naut · 05/04/2012 18:27

Astr0nauts DH speaking - I am kept barefoot and pregnant! Ok not the pregnant bit just slightly overweight. Must must go before DW catches me on the computer

janedoedoejanejanedoe · 05/04/2012 18:31

Cocky - you are both being really stubborn.

Be careful this doesn't get totally out of hand and you don't end up with a divorce neither of you want.

janedoedoejanejanedoe · 05/04/2012 18:32

Pmpl at astronauts dh :)

Astr0naut · 05/04/2012 18:34

I'm gonna tell him to get his own bloody MN account; I'm sick of him reading over my shoulder.

Although his punctuation was surprisingly accurate, so he hasn't shamed me.

janedoedoejanejanedoe · 05/04/2012 18:36

HE seems like a vvv nice man astronaut :)

Very funny.

GrahamTribe · 05/04/2012 18:38

Asrt0naut, your DH sounds lovely. So, if you ever get bored of him, just parcel him up, put him in a mailbag with holes for breathing, a first class stamp on his bum and post him to me. We can play at looking at and daydreaming about fixing bikes together. Grin

MissFaversham · 05/04/2012 18:40

I have a feeling that this thread shouldn't really be in AIBU any longer. I want to cry for the OP and there are obviously other issues going on, hence the post a while ago about the mortgage. I wish people would stop going on about the OP being "controlling" as from what she has written it doesn't seem the case. An ultimatum DOES happen when things are bad, and so it should.

OP sweetheart, ask for this to be moved to relationships

6bikesandcounting · 05/04/2012 18:52

What next? Tell him he can't have a night out with him mates or you will stop him seeing DD?

I have given up track riding because we would find it hard if I came off and broke something but I still have loads for the road and a couple of projects.

He went behind your back because you forced him to and made an issue about it.

Chill out and up the life insurance because if you cause him to ride mad or stressed he is more likely to come off.

GrahamTribe · 05/04/2012 19:00

"if you cause him to ride mad or stressed he is more likely to come off."

I'm glad someone else raised that possibility, 6Bikes. I know that if I wanted to own a bike and was told that I wasn't allowed I'd be furious and would be storming out the door to ride it like I stole it. CockyPants, IME you'd have a far better chance of your DP riding like he has something worth living for if he has something worth living for. You walk and take his child, he's a single guy again and the open road's far more inviting then.

Astr0naut · 05/04/2012 19:00

Men of Mumsnet, rise up and join me in song!
"We shall overcome. We Shall overcome. We shall overcome"
Let us rise up and burn our pinny's, the symbol of our oppression.
We demand our right to a afternoon nap!

AmberLeaf · 05/04/2012 19:02

janedoedoejanejanedoe I must remember to add Smile and Grin to my posts when appropriate because on reading my last reply to you I though it sounded a little Angry it wasnt meant to!

Smile
AmberLeaf · 05/04/2012 19:02

...and Grin at Astr0nauts DH

PeppaIsBack · 05/04/2012 19:03

Cocky so your Dh thought that by having a bike and 'showing you' that nothing has changed that would be enough to stop you from being worried and scared?
He though that in itself would be enough to stop from thinking about all the bikers you ahve seen severely injured in A&E...

but he didn't think that deceipt and lying would have any impact on your relationship.

What a tosser!

And he doesn't seem bothered by the idea of getting divorced. Does he think it's a bluff and you are trying to control him or is it that he really doesn't care?

Someone proposed to have the thread moved to relationship and i think this is a good idea.

PeppaIsBack · 05/04/2012 19:10

OP can I point out taht all the people on here are more less either peole who love bikes and ride bikes or have Dh who love bikes and ride and have decided to go along with it.

They are by default very likely to tell you that YABU.

I am sure you can find just as many people who are scared of bikes (perhaps because they have lost a loved one in a bike accident) and who would totally agree with you.

The issue though isn't the bike as such is it? :(:(