to be a bit offended by a local MN section, women requesting to meet Asian women (only it seems)

[bitofcheese]

was looking through my local section and saw more than one post by women wanting to specifically meet up with other asian women. whilst i can understand why people like to stick to their own group as people tend to feel more comfortable with people they are more familiar with i can't help but feel like an outsider and a bit offended, i am not the only one, a few other people posted being a bit shocked. i like to meet all sorts of people, i don't care what their skin colour/nationality/religion is so to feel un-invited is a bit off really. imagine if someone had put a request to meet ie white english mothers, pretty awful really

no, she lives in an area that is very asian as it is an area i live in and know it is. the asian women where i live do tend to only mix together and rarely with other mums which is a shame.

Asian (looking, immigrant, born here, whatever women) have something in common. As do women from Yorkshire. Blonde women. Women with twins.

What is your problem, get over it. Maybe she's looking for people who share her Asian culture. How ridiculous that you're annoyed...

If you live in another country it can be exhausting and isolating always feeling like an outsider. Sometimes you just need to be with someone who understands what you are going through, and who has the same shared experiences or cultures.

There are people wanting to meet other people who breastfeed, or who have had a miscarriage. Sometimes you need to be with people who are doing or have done what you are doing or have done.

i see what youre saying, politically we shouldnt care what culture someone is from, but in reality, people do generally identify with theirown culture more, so i wouldnt say that someone shouldnt specify that. As someone said, its not exaclty uncommon for expats to want to get in touch with each other and noone bats an eye. Im not offended by it. It doesnt specify that she hates non asians, but maybe all her friends are already western, and she wants to meet a couple of asians for balance

I genuinely don't see what the problem is.

It is NOT the same as a white mum advertising to meet other white mums.

I would imagine it would be for cultural reasons and support. Nothing wrong with that IMO.

awkward - i agree with you in part. my first post said that i understood why people of the same culture tended to stick together but this was the request was intially to meet other mothers/children, the added bit at the end about it being with asian women just made it seem off to me. if i went to live in another county yes, i would love to know wome there too that shared the same culture as me but i know i would also like to have friends that were from that country too or of other cultures.

You clearly do not understand what is like living in a country as a minority group. I can understand perfectly why the poster wanted to meet up with "asian mothers" because they will have much more in common than your non asian mum. She may have problems she would like to discuss, cultural issues, ethnic foods etc that you wont understand or be able to relate... its not just about "hanging out" and meeting for coffee etc.

Sometimes it can feel like you are all alone, so a forum like this is a good plce to advertise for other asian mums.

Just to add Sometimes i've seen threads about difficult mil/sil/dh situations etc and the poster is asking for help, and the advice is "just say this or that!"
Tell him to sod off etc, i can feel the OP's despair because i can see that the people advising dont understand the cultural issues involved in putting their well meant advice into practice. Hence why women of the same background may be better placed.

This doesnt mean not having friends of any other culture though, i would find THAT rather weird.

I'm in Canada and would love to meet other British people here. Is that wrong? When I lived in Italy, I had plenty of Italian friends but liked to sometimes speak my own language and talk about books/films/music that were my culture. Wrong again I suppose.

YABU. Very presumptious and a load of nonsense in your posts.

Really? really and honestly you were offended? I am astonished.
I'm another who understands how the mums feel I imagine.
When I lived in different countries, especially the ME I felt extremely isolated.
If I heard an english voice I would follow that individual and try to talk to them. MN didn't exist then.
Anything that helps a person or makes them feel more confident or happy is a good thing. I imagine you feel excluded. Don't. Find some mums that fit your demographic.

gunz - you make a good point, i hadn't thought of it like that.

YABU, there are ex pat play groups of various varieties where I live - there is nothing wrong with it at all IMO, you can integrate AND have the odd meet up that reconnects you with your culture!

Why do you care? You're not Asian so she doesn't want to be your friend. Move on.

BitofChese MY request on the Australian forum was also to meet other Mums...Brit ones! For very specifc reasons...I wanted to meet parents to get more Brit input with my DD...and so I wasn't always the odd one out.

I feel offended by that too op. It would not be acceptable to ask for only white people/non Asian people to reply, so it is not acceptable to ask only Asian people to reply imo.

This is blatantly excluding people because of their skin colour/culture.

If we are to live in a better, more accepting world, then this kind of thing is not ok.

tufty - you make that sound racist on her part

why have you brought christianity into it?

People do understand the difference between Asian (a geographical area) and white (a skin colour), right?

here we go, i am tired, did i bring christianity into it? i can't remember, you know where i am coming from, don't try and turn this on me. it's about different cultures or nationality or religion, i don't care really, i am not the one with the problem, i am not the one requsting to only mix with one type, i am the one who WANTS to be friends with all different people

Why do people keep bringing colour into this?

The two things are not the same.

Would you be offended if a pregnant woman advertised to meet other pregnant women in her area?

If a gay person wanted to meet other gay people in the area?

Sometimes people want to meet others who share their lifestyles/interests/religion/hobbies/culture.

It doesn't mean they exclude other people from their social circles.

Have you ever lived in another country bitofcheese? If you haven't, maybe that is why you don't understand. When I lived in Italy I had friends from the UK, Germany, Italy, Holland, India, Brazil and other places. Sometimes I just wanted to speak English and talk about Bananarama. My next door neighbours (also UK, coincidence) never learnt Italian and only mixed with Brits. You don't know what this person's friends are like because it is MN and she is a stranger.

lordy can see where this is going

white people get discriminated against too here is an example, see its them who do not want to mix not us

i lived in australia, many of my friends where english. spent a lot of time in california again drawn to mixing with english people. when i lived in tunisia most my friends were french or tunisian. i missed mixing with english people so much that when i did make an english friend we lived in each other?s pockets because we both understood the difficulties not only living in another country but a culture we could not identify with made us both feel very alone at times.