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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit offended by a local MN section, women requesting to meet Asian women (only it seems)

195 replies

bitofcheese · 04/04/2012 22:00

was looking through my local section and saw more than one post by women wanting to specifically meet up with other asian women. whilst i can understand why people like to stick to their own group as people tend to feel more comfortable with people they are more familiar with i can't help but feel like an outsider and a bit offended, i am not the only one, a few other people posted being a bit shocked. i like to meet all sorts of people, i don't care what their skin colour/nationality/religion is so to feel un-invited is a bit off really. imagine if someone had put a request to meet ie white english mothers, pretty awful really

OP posts:
Original poster
bitofcheese · 04/04/2012 22:02

*i should have been more clear, they were requests to meet up with other mothers although specified asian

OP posts:
OldGreyWiffleTest · 04/04/2012 22:02

We had this exact thread about 4 weeks ago.

Original poster
bitofcheese · 04/04/2012 22:03

i would have been interested to have read it....

OP posts:
CrystalMaize · 04/04/2012 22:05

How many posts? Exactly?

Original poster
bitofcheese · 04/04/2012 22:06

i only just started to look down and quickly came across two, i didn't go much further down. was genuinely quite shocked. i would love to have more close asian female friends

OP posts:
BornToShopForcedToWork · 04/04/2012 22:06

I posted something a while ago on my MN Local, looking for other German speaking nannies/mothers. This was not because I only want to socialise with Germans, no, but because my little charge is being raised bi-llingual and it would be great to have other German speaking children around him. I would never meet up with German people, I actually can't stand most of them and yes I say that being German.

I've never understood why people would move to a new country and then only want to meet people who come from the same country as they do.

CrystalMaize · 04/04/2012 22:09

YABU. You are taking this personally when it is not intended to be so.

WorraLiberty · 04/04/2012 22:11

YABU, what's the problem?

She probably has enough non Asian friends so is looking for Asian friends.

It's not like she's said "Non Asians can fuck off"

Is it?

Original poster
bitofcheese · 04/04/2012 22:12

born - i can understand why people may feel more comfortable perhaps with people they share the same or similar culture however it still saddens me tbh, i wouldn't personally specify only one type of mother/child that either i or my dd was friendly with, i like to mix with people myself

OP posts:
CrystalMaize · 04/04/2012 22:12

If your local Mnet section was advertising to specifically meet "Christian" mothers or "mums of sons's only", would you feel the same?

EmilyPollifaxInnocentTourist · 04/04/2012 22:14

YABU

I don't see the problem at all.

Original poster
bitofcheese · 04/04/2012 22:14

cyrlstal & worra - i don't agree. i doubt these posters had white female friends, and yes, it does bother me, i does feel personal actually. why is it alright for some people to discriminate and not others

OP posts:
Stratters · 04/04/2012 22:15

No it's wrong, there would be an outcry if I posted wanting to meet 'white mums only', and rightly so.

Not that I do want to, I don't discriminate at all I don't want to meet any mums

2shoes · 04/04/2012 22:16

yanbu
I think it is rude to do threads that only invite certain people.
imagine your replies on this thread would be different it the person wanted to meet only english speaking people

WorraLiberty · 04/04/2012 22:16

cyrlstal & worra - i don't agree. i doubt these posters had white female friends, and yes, it does bother me, i does feel personal actually. why is it alright for some people to discriminate and not others

I see and what is your basis for doubting they had white female friends?

Tigresswoods · 04/04/2012 22:17

Is it a bit like living abroad and wanting to meet other ex-pats? Not that Asian women are foreign, maybe just share the same culture.

Anyway.... Biscuit

Original poster
bitofcheese · 04/04/2012 22:17

but i can't recall a time on MN when i have read anything like that (christian/white mothers wanting to meet other christian/white mothers) and i bet if there was a post like that someone would come down on them like a ton of bricks. if people mixed more with each other i think the world would be a happier nicer place

OP posts:
CrystalMaize · 04/04/2012 22:17

You looked on a public forum and took offence at the advertisements. They were PUBLIC. How is that personal?

You "doubt these posters had white female friends". How do you know?

You are confusing discrimination with preference. They weren't advertising a job - simply a desire to meet people with something in common.

WorraLiberty · 04/04/2012 22:17

But white refers to skin colour only

This woman presumably wants to meet Asian people because they share the same culture?

Original poster
bitofcheese · 04/04/2012 22:19

their requests clearly implied they were lonely and wanted to get to know other mothers, so why did they have to specify only asian women. other people were offended. a few non asian women posted and asked if they could meet up and made a point of saying they were white/not asian, as if in a timid way for fear of rejection. whatever you say to justify it it won't change my opinion of what i read.

OP posts:
Stratters · 04/04/2012 22:20

Not if they are Westernised Asians.

WorraLiberty · 04/04/2012 22:20

if people mixed more with each other i think the world would be a happier nicer place

And maybe that's exactly what she's trying to do? Confused

She might be Asian and living in a very non Asian area...therefore she'd like to mix with some Asian people too.

FreudianSlipper · 04/04/2012 22:20

how very nice of you not to mind what other colour/religion/nationality people are and how fucking patronising

have you ever lived in a country where you are the minority? if you have you and felt alone you will know the importance of meeting others that have a similar background. she may be missing family, or her homeland or just want to meet other women who do not want her to be the asian friend, you know where she can be herself and not have to explain why she is a muslim, hindu, why she prefer to cover herself and so on

SodoffBaldrick · 04/04/2012 22:21

"i doubt these posters had white female friends"

And this //\ is the crux of why YABU.

'I doubt'. You actually have no idea though, do you?

This person is using MN to meet a certain group of people for a certain reason at a certain time in her life. The same reason why I will sometimes want to meet up with other Mums - it doesn't mean I am anti men, or anti-childfree types. I just sometimes want to meet up with people I have a specific thing in common with.

Do you honestly expect people to be utterly inclusionary and non-discriminatory for every waking moment of their lives? Especially when it really doesn't impact on anything?

Actually, you know what? I can't even be bothered to argue this, it's too ridiculous!

AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 04/04/2012 22:22

I posted on a forum when I was living in Oz and asked to meet other Brtish women...was that bad? I was homesick and had a new baby...I wanted to meet UK mums who might understand what I was going through and also cultural reasons...DD was my first and the advice and system was different in Oz...I wanted someone to relate to easily.