Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to get really, really irritated by people who seem to think that being able to drive is the be all and end all?

277 replies

BellaCB · 31/03/2012 09:10

It just winds me up!

Neither DP or I drive, never learnt. We lived in London in our 20s so it was no biggie. Now we're in a smaller town and have DD and pretty much everyone we know is WTF? about us not being able to drive. They just keep on and on and on about how we have to start learning (and NOW!) otherwise we'll never be able to cope.

But, you know, there are things such as buses, and trains, and even - gasp! - your feet for walking. We get on fine, we both love the exercise this means we get and, if we do need to go somewhere in a car, we get a taxi. We've got a travel system pram so we've always got a car seat if we need it. I mean, have you seen the cost of learning to drive and buying a car at the moment?! We'd bankrupt ourselves doing it! We could probably get taxis everywhere we possibly wanted to go at the moment and it would still work out cheaper!

Now I know if you lived in a small village that was miles from anywhere with shops and had no public transport then not driving would be a real issue. But for most people who live in towns then not driving isn't exactly that much of a pain. Maybe about twice a year we think - ooh, if we did have a car this would be a little easier, but that's not worth £000's...

Actually, maybe this is more of a rant about people assuming you have to be able to drive in order to have any kind of decent life. And people sticking their nose in and saying, Drive, now! Wink. What made me go Grr... right now was a reply on another thread telling the OP to learn to drive to sort out a short-term problem. Like the friend who told me I was ruining her wedding because I couldn't drive from the church to the party venue - even though I was maid-of-honour and wouldn't have driven myself to the wedding ceremony anyway!

OK... deep breath... prepares for a bunfight... but AIBU?

OP posts:
PooPooInMyToes · 01/04/2012 17:45

Ethel.

I have a car but don't always drive. I often get lifts offered but don't want them as i like to walk. People always look at me really strangely when i say that. Its my me time!

notcitrus · 01/04/2012 22:41

I actually get the opposite - in London it often takes longer to drive as there's near gridlock esp near football games or markets etc. So I suggest meeting up with my inlaws and they say the traffic is too bad, so point out it's quicker by train

Oh, but public transport is 'so complicated'...

Anyone living in London should own an Oystercard and be able to navigate a 20 minute journey with one change, IMO. I grew up in Surest where all the dads commuted into London but as it was 'too difficult' to drive there most of my friends almost never went, while I got the train to Waterloo and the tube everywhere whether my parents liked it or not - and as Zippy said, the fact that my parents didn't have a car for years certainly meant I was taught how to use public transport.

NarkedPuffin · 02/04/2012 01:26

Choosing not to drive/have a car is reasonable.

Not being able to drive is silly.

Driving is a life skill, so ner.

ifancyashandy · 02/04/2012 06:50

Yup, Narked, having anxiety & panic attacks about driving is silly Hmm.

poppy283 · 02/04/2012 07:52

Yaolehoe, i'm similar to you. I'm ok (but still hate hate hate it) with a driving instructor, but fall apart with DP and DD in the cqr, and on the one test I've attempted.
I think the main problem is that if i pass my test, i'll have to drive sometimes. Which is the last thing I want to do!

Whatmeworry · 02/04/2012 08:02

I think it's NBU to not drive in large metropolitan areas but very difficult anywhere else unless you have a lot of free time. It's also BU to castigate those who can drive if you can't or won't, as you have no experience of it.

OhdearNigel · 02/04/2012 09:18

All i can say is that if you would only need to use a car very infrequently, you can pay for a lot of taxis with the cost of learning to drive, buying a car, taxing it, insuring it, maintaining it, filling it with petrol and paying to park it.

Original poster
BellaCB · 02/04/2012 09:22

Oh, yes, narked, spending hundreds of pounds learning to drive and then not having a car is perfectly reasonable.

whatme - who is castigating drivers? The only people I was expressing irritation with are those drivers who cannot comprehend how you can live without driving and who keep going on and on and on about it...

For example, I've not long moved to a new town. I've mad new 'mummy' friends. They all keep going on about how weird it is that I don't drive and how can I possibly cope? This is despite the fact that I've not asked one of them for a lift, or not met up with them at any time due to a lack of a lift. I'll happily walk 45 mins each way to our chosen meet up - good exercise for me, and DD gets some good sleep in the pram.

OP posts:
OhdearNigel · 02/04/2012 09:26

Bella - we only have one car and when I was on ML DH was using it to get to work so I was car-less for most of it. It's totally possible to have a baby and not have access to a car; we live in Eastbourne and I managed to get about perfectly easily.

OracleInaCoracle · 02/04/2012 09:33

Driving is a life skill, so ner.

no it isnt. being able to cook is a life skill. being able to use a washing machine is a life skill. being able to manage money is a life skill.

the fact that s many people manage perfectly well ithout being able to drive suggests that it isnt a life skill, merely a convenience.

diabolo · 02/04/2012 09:34

If I lived in London, or any City/Town with decent and frequent public transport I would use it (I used to live in Manchester, the Metro tram system was fantastic).

Where I live now (6 miles from nearest town), there are only 3 buses per day, meandering through several other villages before arriving in town nearly an hour later.

It takes me 8 minutes to drive to town in my car.

If you lived in my village OP, you would need a car, or life would be much more difficult. If you have decent transport, or can walk to town, then good luck to you.

OracleInaCoracle · 02/04/2012 09:37

I live 8 miles outside the next town, in a small village. there are 7 buses a day and we manage ok. DH works FT, i work PT and neither of us is ever late. ever.

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 02/04/2012 09:47

I don't drive and I am NOT a lift-cadger! I sometimes think I should learn, not least because I don't drink so would be a very useful designated driver. But I've always felt frightened by the thought of driving a car, and I don't feel that I'd be any good at it (I am not great at coordination, remembering how to do a sequence of things, spatial awareness etc). I live in London so don't need to drive, either.

YonWhaleFish · 02/04/2012 09:49

As an experiment I walked to work and back last week, 2 miles there and 2 miles back. I was still my customary 10 minutes early, so it doesn't make you late you just plan more carefully. I enjoyed the walk, but it did make life easier getting the car out as I got more time in bed!

We never had a car growing up.

BusinessTrills · 02/04/2012 09:52

You normally drive 2 miles to work? Shock

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 02/04/2012 09:54

Words out of my mouth, Business!

BusinessTrills · 02/04/2012 09:55

Diabolo If you lived in my village OP, you would need a car, or life would be much more difficult. - but if you didn't have a car you wouldn't have moved there in the first place!

helpyourself · 02/04/2012 10:06

Blush I drive 2 miles- I can do it by public transport, and do sometimes, but in the car I can leave later, get in earlier, do errands on the way there and back, etc.

Its the only family car though and we would never move somewhere which needed two cars, for cost and ecological reasons.

diabolo · 02/04/2012 10:12

Obviously BusinessTrills.

Mrswhiskerson · 02/04/2012 10:23

The op is definately no being oversentive about this, I get constantly asked when I am going to learn to drive like the lessons are free and I am just being lazy by not doing it . If I had a pound for everytime someone has said to me life would be so much easier if you could drive, I am always sorely tempted to reply with , take your smug face environment wrecking bankrupting deathtrap and feck off .

Another thing that really annoys me is when someone who has a car has to get the bus in to work for whatever reason and starts loudly going on about the horrors having to get the peasant wagon and sit with the smelly non drivers

snapsnap · 02/04/2012 10:29

OP 6 months ago, I was the same as you. I have always lived in cities and never needed a car. However following the birth of my second child I finally learned how to drive. Wow - the difference it has made to my life !

Firstly I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders - I was becoming a bit of a freak show, mid 30's not driving!
Secondly it makes life with children so much easier, the freedom is amazing
Thirdly I had a medical emergency with my youngest about 6 months ago and needed to drive, it was great being able to do so. I felt that by not driving I was letting my family down.

So to all the non drivers out there, go for it. Its a life skill and even if you are ethically against driving, it is useful to know how to do it

MollieO · 02/04/2012 10:33

I don't think it is a problem not driving if you live somewhere with good public transport. I do, however, think it is unreasonable if you don't drive and expect others to ferry your dcs around as a result (not that you do OP but I have met others who do).

My mum didn't start learning to drive until she was 35. It took some years for her to pass her test and she still doesn't like it (necessary evil though). I learnt to drive at 18 and paid for my lessons with my Saturday job. I couldn't afford a car until after university.

snapsnap · 02/04/2012 10:38

I dont think that by having a car you make your children less independent. My mother had a car but drove us literally nowhere so we were always on and off bikes, buses, trains. I intend to do the same when mine are older.

And to the posters who say they dont beg lifts, well neither did I when I wasnt driving but I ended up getting a lot of them because friends and family would push you into it as they felt so 'sorry' for you. It drove me nuts at the time but I find myself doing it now!

What about when your parents get old (that was one of my reasons) Wouldnt it be nice to take them off somewhere in the car rather than faffing on trains and taxis?

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 02/04/2012 11:06

snapsnap, no, having a car doesn't automatically make children less independent, but taking the children places in the car obviously does. We had a car when I was growing up but the thought of driving me to school or otherwise ferrying me around in it wouldn't have crossed my parents' minds (or mine), whereas now I see so many children being driven about everywhere.

I don't feel that I get pushed into accepting lifts either. Or maybe people try but I resist ... Hmm, now I think about it I think that might be it! People seem taken aback if I decline a lift on the grounds that I can easily get the bus/train/tube, but it's true, and to be honest I'd generally rather take public transport than be cramped up in a car.

Original poster
BellaCB · 02/04/2012 12:20

I am absolutely fascinated by the 'life skill' argument. That's what I was on about in my initial post! It is not a 'life skill', its hardly something you just can't get through life without! Its a very, very useful skill, I'm not arguing with that, and it is essential if you live in certain parts of the country, but it isn't essential in an awful lot of country either. I get by absolutely fine without a car and I cannot for the life of me understand why people have to keep banging on that I need to drive as if, like MrsWhiskerson says, I am being downright lazy by not learning (and, yes, as if lessons and a car are free...)

Also, can't agree more with business - if you don't drive, you don't look at getting a house in a small village without public transport. I wouldn't deliberately move somewhere where I would know I would be isolated because I don't drive.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread