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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to get really, really irritated by people who seem to think that being able to drive is the be all and end all?

277 replies

BellaCB · 31/03/2012 09:10

It just winds me up!

Neither DP or I drive, never learnt. We lived in London in our 20s so it was no biggie. Now we're in a smaller town and have DD and pretty much everyone we know is WTF? about us not being able to drive. They just keep on and on and on about how we have to start learning (and NOW!) otherwise we'll never be able to cope.

But, you know, there are things such as buses, and trains, and even - gasp! - your feet for walking. We get on fine, we both love the exercise this means we get and, if we do need to go somewhere in a car, we get a taxi. We've got a travel system pram so we've always got a car seat if we need it. I mean, have you seen the cost of learning to drive and buying a car at the moment?! We'd bankrupt ourselves doing it! We could probably get taxis everywhere we possibly wanted to go at the moment and it would still work out cheaper!

Now I know if you lived in a small village that was miles from anywhere with shops and had no public transport then not driving would be a real issue. But for most people who live in towns then not driving isn't exactly that much of a pain. Maybe about twice a year we think - ooh, if we did have a car this would be a little easier, but that's not worth £000's...

Actually, maybe this is more of a rant about people assuming you have to be able to drive in order to have any kind of decent life. And people sticking their nose in and saying, Drive, now! Wink. What made me go Grr... right now was a reply on another thread telling the OP to learn to drive to sort out a short-term problem. Like the friend who told me I was ruining her wedding because I couldn't drive from the church to the party venue - even though I was maid-of-honour and wouldn't have driven myself to the wedding ceremony anyway!

OK... deep breath... prepares for a bunfight... but AIBU?

OP posts:
BusinessTrills · 02/04/2012 16:35

I don't think it depends on free time that much - that's something you would say if you live far away from amenities.

It is significantly faster for me to ride my bike into town than it is to drive and park, and I can leave my bike closer to where I want to be. (and yes lots of people round here do that with a child or two on the bike or attached behind)

YonWhaleFish · 02/04/2012 16:38

Business Is it just me taking this personally? Or have you got a problem with me? You have a problem with me driving the two miles to work and you seem to be picking at my posts....when I am not trying to insist that cars are better.

I am annoyed with your commenting about me driving to work so I accept that it may just be me taking it the wrong way because of that.

cornflowers · 02/04/2012 16:39

Assuming you don't expect other people (partner, parents, friends) to chauffeur you and/or your children about and are quite happy with your choice not to drive there is no real issue. Each to their own & all that.

BusinessTrills · 02/04/2012 16:40

It's funny that the "people criticise me for not driving" thread has turned around and is now full of people trying to justify why you drive.

I know why you drive, you do it because for you, in your circumstances, it is cheaper and/or more convenient and/or quicker for you to get to the places you need to go in a car rather than by any other mode of transport.

That's fine, as long as you realise that it isn't the case for everyone.

Those of us without cars are not all pious environmentalists or wimps who are too scared to drive, in some cases it is actually just better to go places via another means.

For some people driving is the best option. For others it is not.

YonWhaleFish · 02/04/2012 16:40

And in the cost side, the anti-car brigade never cost in the value of time

Definitely. There were a few raised eyebrows at me driving the two miles to work, but it takes 40mins to walk, and I don't usually have the luxury of that time before and after work!

BusinessTrills · 02/04/2012 16:40

Clearly we are misinterpreting each other's tones Yon! :)

OracleInaCoracle · 02/04/2012 16:52

Those of us without cars are not all pious environmentalists or wimps who are too scared to drive, in some cases it is actually just better to go places via another means.

exactly. I havent learned to drive because its not a skill I want or need. I genuinely dont get why some people see it as a "basic", "essential" or "life" skill. considering that there are billions of people in the world who manage just fine without a car and its only recently that owning a car was common. as I said earlier, cooking is a life skill. washing clothes is a life skill. managing money is a life skill. driving is not. I see how its useful, but its not important enough to me.

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 02/04/2012 16:53

How do all the non drivers manage those times when one child has dentist appointment, and other has a party? When ballet finishes at 4.30 and football is at 4.45?

These 'clashes' are a weekly occurrence in our household, and would be unmanageable sans car.

I will be encouraging my daughter to learn as soon as she is able.
It is an important skill and should be acquired where possible imo.

And I was very much an 'oh, I manage fine thankyou' defensive type before I could drive.
It's about independence and freedom for me.

BusinessTrills · 02/04/2012 16:55

On the internet it is hard to tell the difference between someone defensively saying "I manage fine" and someone who just manages fine and doesn't see that there is anything in particular to defend.

OracleInaCoracle · 02/04/2012 17:04

How do all the non drivers manage those times when one child has dentist appointment, and other has a party? When ballet finishes at 4.30 and football is at 4.45?

in my case, we only have 1 ds. he goes to drama club in the next village which is a 45 min walk, or a 10 min taxi ride. and if we had another, well we would cope. there are two parents and if I cant do something, dh can. and, to turn it back, what if your car breaks down? how do you manage all those things then?

people are so reliant on their cars that they cant see past them. imo its far mre important to teach children how to get around under their own steam.

Sirzy · 02/04/2012 17:20

But you have to be realistic about how much young children can get about under their own steam!

As many non drivers have said it does limit your options but if your happy with that then great

OracleInaCoracle · 02/04/2012 17:22

I dont ask him to get around under his own steam without me. he does, however, happily walk several miles at a time. and he has done since he first started to walk.

naughtymummy · 02/04/2012 17:28

YANBU OP I learnt with great difficulty and expense 2 years ag aged 34. I still frquently prefer to take other forms.of transport and be "car free". My dh learnt at 17 and is far more car.dependant. Not a good thing IMO

TrollopDollop · 02/04/2012 17:29

YANBU.As long as you don't expect drivers to ferry you around everywhere as two of the mums I made friends with after DD and as DHs dipstick family who all live in the back and beyond but don't drive do every time we drive down there even though we have just spent 4 hours in the car with two screaming kids. And breathe.

Bunbaker · 02/04/2012 19:28

Oh, and the main reason I learnt to drive was so that I wasn't reliant on public transport late at night because I lived in Leeds at the time the Yorkshire Ripper was doing his best to decimate the female population. When I say that we were scared to set foot out of doors after dark it is a massive understatement.

choceyes · 02/04/2012 20:14

And in the cost side, the anti-car brigade never cost in the value of time, because - I suspect - most of them don't work so their time is "free"

Well I work, my DH does (he cycles to work and gets there quicker than his collegue who lives locally to us), all the non car owning people I know work. We don't have anymore "free" time than anybody else either. We have 2 small DC's. we just live in a city were everything is walkable and with an excellent transport system. Why would we need a car? if our circumstances were to change we might consider it, but as we love living in the city we will not be moving anywhere else anytime soon, if we were to move it would be for another city.

molly3478 · 02/04/2012 20:19

I walk to work and walk up to six miles a day often with my dd. I just can do it as I am fit as I dont drive so move very quickly Wink Never been late for work and up at 6am every morning.

molly3478 · 02/04/2012 20:21

I will also add I have a licence but think its pointless its easier to walk especially if you live in a place with meters everywhere so you spend ages driving round and round in circles finding somewhere free to park.

NooneLikesAGreyjoy · 02/04/2012 20:24

choceyes, same here. DH works FT and I work PT. We have never been late. ever. which is more than I can say for some of my driving co-workers.

DizzyKipper · 02/04/2012 20:30

YANBU - the less other people on the road the better Wink

playnicely · 02/04/2012 20:39

I don't drive and have 2 children. It's not a problem if your kids don't do anything after school but as soon as they do - it's a problem. I admit to not putting my son in many after-school activities for this very reason, so it is limiting. My other half drives but is back late from work so can't help. I feel guilty about cadging lifts and am fed up of trudging around in the p*ing down rain to get to the bus stop or the nearest train station.

I see other parents going here, there and everywhere in their cars and I am envious. There are places that are just too awkward to get to on public transport and I feel drippy having to wait on my other half to drive me and the kids to these places at the weekend when they will be busy and overcrowded.

I am also skint but will probably put driving lessons on a credit card soon. I'm not looking forward to driving (I have tried to learn over the years on many occasions) but there's no getting round it - having a car and being able to drive gives you flexibility, freedom and independence. My Mum never learned to drive and it isolated and stranded her.

So YABU getting irritated - if you are happy with your decision not to drive then why get irritated?

jellybeans · 02/04/2012 21:48

playnicely I agree with your points and feel the same re limiting kids activities and trudging in the rain. My DC still do them but we do have to cadge lifts about 30% of the time they are away at camps etc. which sucks. It is difficult as I like not having the financial strain of running two cars (I am a SAHM) yet it can be outweighed by the inconvienience and dependency on others. So we will probably get another car soon.

Jusfloatingby · 03/04/2012 18:04

My sister can't drive and, to be honest, it's a pain in the ass sometimes. When my father was really ill in hospital for weeks she wasn't able to help with giving lifts to my mother or getting in heavy shopping for her and had to be brought up and down to visit him herself as well. She's really helpful in other ways so not criticising her but, as parents get older or things like that, it is helpful if other people can share the load re transport.

Born2BRiiiled · 03/04/2012 21:12

This is what we find jusfloating. All the running around of UK's to hospital falls tous because we drive, even though we work more, and live further away.

toptramp · 03/04/2012 22:07

For such a 'basic' skill I find driving extremely difficult and expensive to master.

What makes me flabbergasted is that there are so many people who clearly don't give a toss about the state of the planet and insist on driving everywhere. They are supporting the oil industry.The oil industry has a lot to answer for imo and aswell as being bad for the environment i wouldn't be surprised if the oil industry has something to do with the middle east situation.

Yes driving is useful but i just don't get why so many people are obsessed with cars. Roads are absolutely vile and dangerous and so is traffic. There are far too many cars on the road and I do wonder how everyone affords it.

What gets my goat most of all are status vehicles e.g range rovers if you don't live in the sticks; boak!