to get really, really irritated by people who seem to think that being able to drive is the be all and end all?

[BellaCB]

It just winds me up!

Neither DP or I drive, never learnt. We lived in London in our 20s so it was no biggie. Now we're in a smaller town and have DD and pretty much everyone we know is WTF? about us not being able to drive. They just keep on and on and on about how we have to start learning (and NOW!) otherwise we'll never be able to cope.

But, you know, there are things such as buses, and trains, and even - gasp! - your feet for walking. We get on fine, we both love the exercise this means we get and, if we do need to go somewhere in a car, we get a taxi. We've got a travel system pram so we've always got a car seat if we need it. I mean, have you seen the cost of learning to drive and buying a car at the moment?! We'd bankrupt ourselves doing it! We could probably get taxis everywhere we possibly wanted to go at the moment and it would still work out cheaper!

Now I know if you lived in a small village that was miles from anywhere with shops and had no public transport then not driving would be a real issue. But for most people who live in towns then not driving isn't exactly that much of a pain. Maybe about twice a year we think - ooh, if we did have a car this would be a little easier, but that's not worth £000's...

Actually, maybe this is more of a rant about people assuming you have to be able to drive in order to have any kind of decent life. And people sticking their nose in and saying, Drive, now! . What made me go Grr... right now was a reply on another thread telling the OP to learn to drive to sort out a short-term problem. Like the friend who told me I was ruining her wedding because I couldn't drive from the church to the party venue - even though I was maid-of-honour and wouldn't have driven myself to the wedding ceremony anyway!

OK... deep breath... prepares for a bunfight... but AIBU?

It's like people's think that non drivers are thick as shit as well!

"how will you get a job as a taxi driver if you don't drive?"

Duh.

Honestly, I was fine as a teenager - I went lots of places on the bus, or by foot or on my bike.

Oh and lol at lyingwitch!

It's like people's think? WTF? Irony.

ebbandflow... I don't know that learning to drive and not regularly driving would work particularly well. I have two friends who have full licences yet havent driven for years. I doubt either of them will get back into the driver's seat, except at gunpoint. I think it's something you have to do fairly regularly otherwise you lose confidence, start dreading it and do everything you can to avoid it.

Mrschemist. Why would it open a can of worms if you got rid of your car!? That's very strange. It really is no ones business but yours!

I think you are entitled to not drive as much as I am entitled to drive.

I think it would handy to pass your test anyway but not own a car. That way you could always hire a car or a day or borrow a car for a day a few times a year. More economic than taxis in the long run.

Lying. Once you can drive and have a licence it does open up the options for the future. Then if you need to start driving for a job you can do some refresher lessons which would be much quicker then learning from scratch.

Being able to negotiate travel from one side of the country to the other (and often abroad) via public transport (often trains, planes, tubes, buses. In the same journey. With luggage) is also a life skill.

Many (not all) people who were driven everywhere by parents & now drive themselves would freeze if required to do this.

I can't pass the driving test! The theory is easy and I have passed with full marks twice now but the practical eludes me every time. Even when I had a good lesson just before I would go to bits in the test and cock it all up. They are so strict as well about what you fail for. Things that according to my mum were a minor fault when she did hers are instant fail now so the argument that the test is easier now doesn't hold water. The more failures I got the more nervous it made me so for that reason and financial reasons (couldn't afford a car now anyway) I have given up. I want to be able to do it but can't. People do look amazed though when I say I can't drive. Maybe it's the fact that I was a bit older when I tried, my folks couldn't afford it when I was 17.

I don't think that being able to drive is a necessary life skill if you live somewhere with a good transport infrastructure.

However, I do get irritated by the smuggery of some non drivers who blithely assume that everyone has the same access to public transport that they do, or a taxi service on demand.

When I lived in Greater London and worked in London I didn't drive as there was no need and no point. I now live in a village with fairly reasonable public transport links to a few places. OH's family live in a very rural area, over 100 miles away from us, with few buses and no trains, so we need a car to visit them. I think that once you have learned to drive and own a car and got used to the flexibility of car ownership it is very hard to go back. I admit that we chose to live where we do because we both drive.

I agree that it does limit your employment options - in my case not what I do, but where I can work.

Following on from early comment, its my male friends who can't drive but almost all of my female friends can. For some reason, its the women who have prioritised learning to drive rather than the men.

There are certain things that you are 'expected' to be able to do, and if you can't it's considered a failing by some people. I can't ride a bike and people find this HILARIOUS and make references to it quite frequently. I know someone who can't swim and they get the same. Just ignore it.

I occasionally think I should learn to drive but it's really not that important to me. I live in London so good transport here and I wouldn't choose to live in a remote place without good transport links.

There was a thread not too long ago where somebody said that women need to learn to drive so that they can cope in the event of a relationship break-up so obviously there are people who view it as necessary. I disagree, I can and do get myself around perfectly well without a car and couldn't afford a car even if I wanted to.

Yes, that's true, Poo, I'd forgotten about refresher lessons. I can't see my friends availing themselves of them though, both say that they'd call a taxi or a friend with a car.

Five different instructors have tried and failed to teach me to drive. I find it terrifying and stressful, have crap spatial awareness and zero road sense. I'm otherwise bright and capable but driving is a huge mental block. I've given up on it now.

I do get loads of comments about it, especially from family, and it REALLY gets on my tits, because it's not like I haven't tried. I must have spent thousands on lessons over the years.

YANBU.

I don't think its unreasonable to live without a car - as the OP says, if you live in a town, it is easier to manage without. However, I think learning to drive is a life skill, like swimming and riding a bicycle, that its better to have than not.

If you could drive, then the couple of occasions a year when you needed a car would be solved by hiring one, giving you the option of being able to do it or not, which you don't have now.

Lying. I did used to know someone who took refresher lessons several times but still won't drive. I don't think she ever would have though due to a combination of being too scared, critical partner sitting next to her every time she got in the car etc.

Im not in touch with her anymore (refer to Bitch comment up thread) but when we were young she relied on others to drive her everywhere and from what I've heard she still does. Must get on hers and everyone's nerves. I can't imagine sitting at home waiting until it was convenient for someone else.

I have epilepsy and can't drive because I would be dangerous. But I would love to be able to drive, it would just be easier.
I use public transport, and get to where I need without much bother. But I am jealous of my dh because he can drive. I think it's the convenience I would like, I'm a lazy cow
YANBU to get annoyed at stupid comments though. I've had a few myself.

I passed my test on the second go. However I have absolutely no sense of direction and poor spatial awareness. So I am a very nervous driver, I live in London and I can never get up the courage to go out by myself. Added to this is the fact that I have no driveway and would have to parallel park outside my house. The spaces are always tiny and it takes my husband who is a brilliant driver a couple of goes to park sometimes.

So far I have had the following:

• In-laws: you don't want to be one of those women who is ferried around her whole life, a burden on your husband
• Parents: driving is an essential life skill, it's like not being able to read or write
• "Friend": I get so angry that you can't drive, it's like you're not even trying
• Sister: what will you do when you have a baby??????????
• Friend 2: Offers me a lift and then when we are halfway to my house, gives me an enormous lecture about not being able to drive

It makes me so mad. I never ask anyone for lifts. I have an account with our local cab company and I reckon my monthly expenditure is less than a car owner's on petrol, insurance, parking fees etc. There is nowhere to park on our road and we would need two cars as my DH drives to work every single day.

I have achieved a 1st class degree, reached a high position in my company where I am leading massive projects and teams, I own 3 properties and I have lived in 2 foreign countries and speak 3 languages fluently and 3 others well. But I feel as though I am considered a failure, half a person, when I speak to my friends & family. They ALWAYS bring up the fact I don't drive and shake their heads at me sorrowfully.

Drcoconut. How many times have you failed?

OP yanbu.

I drive, and end up driving a lot. Sometimes I wish I'd never learned .

I find that very very few non drivers expect lifts, and If I ever feel resentful about 'doing the running' its because I've overextended rather than any sense of entitlement on the liftees part.

I don't drive - eyesight is below the legal requirement. I plan my life around what I can actually do.

30 odd years ago this wouldn't have been a problem; shops were local, you had community centres that ran mother/baby groups, public transport was just that - public and school friends lived just up the road - not a car journey away.

Even though I live quite inner city I find that getting from A to B via public transport is getting harder and harder and everything is moving away to out-of-town locations. And now it is sometimes not possible for DS to visit friends (or go to birthday parties) as they are too far away/non busable/buses too expensive.

And no, I don't wish to become reliant on anybody who drives. DP does drive, prefers not to (keen cyclist) and up to recently we didn't have use of a car anyway.

It is a basic skill. I found I was ok not drving with one child but with two it gave me the oush to get on with it. Now I have 3 and newly pregnant, I can not see how I would cope without it.

I hardly use my car but would hate it not to be there, I only got a car when I had children but it winds me up when I always seem to have children in my car of those mums who are anti having their own car but are quite happy to guilt trip others for rides to parties etc. I offer to friends who I know have no choice but not those that are the anti school run brigade, would not want to deprive them of the hour walk to the party (can never refuse when asked always feel guilty). Also taxi are cars and are not Eco friendly as they have to come to you so extra mileage. For me it is how you use your car that is more important. I learnt to drive at 33 so did survive quite a while without them.

YANBU until you have children. Then there are only a tiny number of place you can live without it being a real pain.
Basically London.

Buses and trains in Birmingham possibly are good enough, until you want to see friends past 7 or 8pm, but I wouldn't fancy them with small DDs.

Other city's I know well like Sheffield and Cardiff really need a car to begin to appreciate the beautiful countryside around them.

YABU
I think driving in this day and age is a skill people who are able to SHOULD possess for so many different reasons. One- it makes you self sufficient. Not like my Mom or MIL who DH has had to drop to the shops and pop back out to get her on a day we could all be spending family time (I admit this is more likely because she is a PITA and could get a taxi and DH is a sap who runs round for her a lot). BUT things like if I need to pop out to the shops urgently in the middle of the night for calpol or medicine to the kids or go to A&E/primary care- I am able to do so without asking people for lifts/spending over the odds on taxis that are very often unsafe and unroadworthy.
Two- work options. Never become too complacent that you can easily get to your place of work, companies relocate, redundancies are always being made- public transport routes frequently terminated. Having the ability to drive means I am always able to get to work or if I lose my job I have more scope for getting something else- something farther away or even a job that requires a driver (many do).
I know some people think not driving is no big deal but in my eyes it opens so many doors that are advantageous to you its a bit foolish to dismiss it totally.