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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to get really, really irritated by people who seem to think that being able to drive is the be all and end all?

277 replies

BellaCB · 31/03/2012 09:10

It just winds me up!

Neither DP or I drive, never learnt. We lived in London in our 20s so it was no biggie. Now we're in a smaller town and have DD and pretty much everyone we know is WTF? about us not being able to drive. They just keep on and on and on about how we have to start learning (and NOW!) otherwise we'll never be able to cope.

But, you know, there are things such as buses, and trains, and even - gasp! - your feet for walking. We get on fine, we both love the exercise this means we get and, if we do need to go somewhere in a car, we get a taxi. We've got a travel system pram so we've always got a car seat if we need it. I mean, have you seen the cost of learning to drive and buying a car at the moment?! We'd bankrupt ourselves doing it! We could probably get taxis everywhere we possibly wanted to go at the moment and it would still work out cheaper!

Now I know if you lived in a small village that was miles from anywhere with shops and had no public transport then not driving would be a real issue. But for most people who live in towns then not driving isn't exactly that much of a pain. Maybe about twice a year we think - ooh, if we did have a car this would be a little easier, but that's not worth £000's...

Actually, maybe this is more of a rant about people assuming you have to be able to drive in order to have any kind of decent life. And people sticking their nose in and saying, Drive, now! Wink. What made me go Grr... right now was a reply on another thread telling the OP to learn to drive to sort out a short-term problem. Like the friend who told me I was ruining her wedding because I couldn't drive from the church to the party venue - even though I was maid-of-honour and wouldn't have driven myself to the wedding ceremony anyway!

OK... deep breath... prepares for a bunfight... but AIBU?

OP posts:
Mabelface · 31/03/2012 09:12

Nope! I'm really not bothered about it. I also know that if I did drive, I'd be twice the size I am cos I'm a lazy sod.

BusinessTrills · 31/03/2012 09:14

What's with all the driving threads this week?

BusinessTrills · 31/03/2012 09:14

YANBU to get irritated by by people who seem to think that being able to drive is the be all and end all IF they exist. I think you are perhaps being a little over sensitive.

catgirl1976 · 31/03/2012 09:15

YANBU

I can't drive. It doesn't affcet me in the slightest. I can get to lots of places by train. I can get to lots of places by bus. I can walk to lots of places.

As for the places I can't get to by foot or public transport, or when I want to go somewhere laye at night or on a whim, unconstrainted by time tables, well, they have only gone and invented these marvellous things called taxis. They are super.

Plus, I can always have another glass of wine because I am never driving

Win Win Grin

Sirzy · 31/03/2012 09:15

I don't care what others decide to do. I have a car and wouldn't be without it if others don't want to then that is their choice.

BelleDameSansMerci · 31/03/2012 09:18

So long as you're not one of those irritating types who has no need to drive but expects everyone who can to provide a free taxi service then YANBU.

I love driving and I would hate to be reliant on public transport or taxis but each to their own.

Original poster
BellaCB · 31/03/2012 09:19

ah, catgirl, that's true... neither DP or or I are EVER the designated driver!

businesstrills, I guess it must just be my friends then [sigh]... it seems like every bloody week one or other of them makes a dig about us not driving!

OP posts:
ShirelyKnottage · 31/03/2012 09:22

I grew up in a non driving household and you'd be amazed at how many people were flabberghasted that we didn't have a car.

Grown Adults would ask if we couldn't afford a car Shock People would ask my dad if he felt bad about not being able to rush me to hospital in the event of an asthma attack! Seriously lots of people were really rude to us.

So, no OP YANBU.

samandi · 31/03/2012 09:27

Well it's quite a basic skill, but if you don't want to learn and so long as it doesn't affect anyone else I can't see why it's anyone's business. I love driving and hate not having a car, it just makes getting out and about much easier and is far cheaper for long journeys.

MrsChemist · 31/03/2012 09:31

YANBU, my dad insisted I learnt, paid for lessons and everything. It's very kind of him but now I'm obliged to have a car. The public transport where I live is great, but apparently "I NEED a car."

It's great to have but the thousands of pounds it costs me per year would also be good to have. (thousands doesn't include car payments, it's just fuel, tax, MOT and insurance.)

BusinessTrills · 31/03/2012 09:33

MrsChemist assuming you are an adult your dad can't make you have a car. It's entirely your choice. Sell it, if you think it is more hassle than it is worth.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 31/03/2012 09:33

YABU... Even if you don't choose to own a car, it's a pretty basic skill.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 31/03/2012 09:35

I love driving too and would hate not being able to. But, it's a personal choice. My mother never learnt to drive and she kicks herself daily.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 31/03/2012 09:35

I think they would be amazed how many people in London can't drive. I have a fair number of male friends in their 30's and 40's who can't drive because they have lived most of their life in London.

I have only started driving again recently because its handy with the kids and does save time. I never drive into central London because of the congestion charge, bad traffic and parking that costs a squillion quid a minute.

Outside the centre of cities driving does save you a lot of time and hassle but if you want to cross the centre of London, the tube is much quicker.

inabeautifulplace · 31/03/2012 09:40

Maybe your friends have to drive you about a lot so are making sly digs to get you to do your share.

If that's not the case, then it'll be because their frame of reference is built around having a car. Therefore they're making a mental picture of still living the way they live but doing it without the car. Obviously, that's a square peg in a round hole so they probably have misplaced sympathy for you.

MrsChemist · 31/03/2012 09:40

In theory, yes, I could. In practice, it would open a massive can of worms, and driving isn't all bad.

I just get annoyed at the people who think it's an essential skill and a car is a necessity, when it's a luxury item.

lolajane2009 · 31/03/2012 09:41

I dont drive and tbh honest have no intention of starting as i know i would just be 'another idiot on the road'. hubby want me to learn as he can drive but atm i dont want to and wont learn tbh.

ShirelyKnottage · 31/03/2012 09:42

Basic skill my arse, what's the point in knowing how to drive if you don't want to? I can't read a map, that's a pretty basic skill but I don't want to learn and I use a sat nab instead!

See its so bizarre, people get so chippy!

YouOldSlag · 31/03/2012 09:43

YANBU. I agree.

YANBU to get irritated by by people who seem to think that being able to drive is the be all and end all IF they exist. I think you are perhaps being a little over sensitive.

OP is not being over sensitive. They DO exist- trust me. We non drivers DO get looks and amazement and "you mean you don't drive?". I've had it a lot.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 31/03/2012 09:45

But that's the nature of AIBU. There will always be somebody, starting a thread purposely to needle a whole swaythe of other people...

Just wait until there's a proper assessment of 'worthiness'... I'm sure there's one brewing.

You MUST be:

  • Able to drive (learning = 1 point, unable = -10 pts, willing to accept lifts = -100 pts)
  • Non-smoker (never smoked = 1 point, ex-smoker = -50 pts, still smoking = -100 pts, smoked whilst pregnant = incalculable but the offender has their place reserved in Hell already)
  • Moderate drinker (frequently drunk = 1 point, unable to remember anything from the night before = -1 point, teetotal = -100 points for being antisocial and spoiling things)

If you don't want to drive - then don't. Why would you care about what anybody else thinks? That's your mistake - stop caring. Grin

OlympicEater · 31/03/2012 09:51

No it is not the be all and end all, but, it does limit your employment opportunities to a certain extent.

I wouldn't have been able to do my previous job without being able to drive - I was needed to attend factories in the middle of nowhere at odd hours; or meetings in different locations. My friend is a district nurse - not a job you can do without being able to drive.

Also as your DCs get older there are lots of activities that are very difficult for them to do without a car - parties / sport / cinema finishing at 10pm - do you want to take a bus to go pick them up and meet them then another bus to take them home, or would you let a 13/14yo travel across town on a bus by themselves for example?

ebbandflow · 31/03/2012 09:55

I do know where you are coming from OP, I can't drive and since having my DD I have had a few people insist that I learn to drive. It is insinuated that I am missing out and almost trapped by not being able to drive. Once you have people telling you that you start to think maybe you are. I do walk a lot though. I couldn't afford the driving lessons nowadays. The ideal scenario really is to be able to drive and then you can choose whether to have a car or not.

Birdsgottafly · 31/03/2012 09:55

I just get annoyed at the people who think it's an essential skill and a car is a necessity

That depends on what you plan to be your employment. I cannot do my job without a car (CP SW), neither can most people i know, all working across social care. My DD is planning on being a MW, i am paying for her lessons this year.

My DP would be unemployed, after being made redundant twice, had he not be able to become a Hackney driver.

I say it on every thread, that i do hate driving, though.

PooPooInMyToes · 31/03/2012 09:55

I grew up in a car free house and would get comments as i got older. Mostly from one horrible friend who would take the piss. We were poor as well and apparently she found that hilarious! Bitch!

I am the only one who has learnt to drive. I does bother me that the other members of my family can't drive but only because i end up chauffeuring them around. They are usually happy to get the bus but some place just aren't accessible by less than 5 buses, 3 trains, 2 tubes, and a cab!

The time that it gets to me the most is at Christmas when there is no public transport and a cab just isn't affordable. I end up spending 2 hours of my day driving my family around and not at home with my kids where i want to be.

I've noticed it on here as well. Usually just involving men though which is weird. Some people on here think men who can't drive are somehow lesser human beings!

Birdsgottafly · 31/03/2012 09:57

Olympic-my 14 year old and my other two always took themselves out and about, or i paid for taxi's. I think that, that is a life skill, also.