to get really, really irritated by people who seem to think that being able to drive is the be all and end all?

[BellaCB]

It just winds me up!

Neither DP or I drive, never learnt. We lived in London in our 20s so it was no biggie. Now we're in a smaller town and have DD and pretty much everyone we know is WTF? about us not being able to drive. They just keep on and on and on about how we have to start learning (and NOW!) otherwise we'll never be able to cope.

But, you know, there are things such as buses, and trains, and even - gasp! - your feet for walking. We get on fine, we both love the exercise this means we get and, if we do need to go somewhere in a car, we get a taxi. We've got a travel system pram so we've always got a car seat if we need it. I mean, have you seen the cost of learning to drive and buying a car at the moment?! We'd bankrupt ourselves doing it! We could probably get taxis everywhere we possibly wanted to go at the moment and it would still work out cheaper!

Now I know if you lived in a small village that was miles from anywhere with shops and had no public transport then not driving would be a real issue. But for most people who live in towns then not driving isn't exactly that much of a pain. Maybe about twice a year we think - ooh, if we did have a car this would be a little easier, but that's not worth £000's...

Actually, maybe this is more of a rant about people assuming you have to be able to drive in order to have any kind of decent life. And people sticking their nose in and saying, Drive, now! . What made me go Grr... right now was a reply on another thread telling the OP to learn to drive to sort out a short-term problem. Like the friend who told me I was ruining her wedding because I couldn't drive from the church to the party venue - even though I was maid-of-honour and wouldn't have driven myself to the wedding ceremony anyway!

OK... deep breath... prepares for a bunfight... but AIBU?

I don't think OP is complaining about car drivers. She's complaining about people who thinks SHE should be one.

Hello Whatme- I usually agree with you about loads of things but watch it with the "non drivers are lift blaggers" thing.

I am a non driver and I wouldn't dream of begging lifts off people unless you had Taxi written on your car and allowed me to pay you.

I don't drive so it's my responsibility to get myself around. I've never seen it as anyone else's job. (unless you had Great Western on your train and allowed me to pay you etc)

Thanks tower! That's exactly what I meant, just far more succinctly put

I don't (yet) have a car, though I cam drive. I live in London and it's fine using public transport here. But not to all destinations within London. Some of my DD's after school activities are a real pain to get to via buses after school - we can get to them but not on time; whereas when we go in my mum's car we save ourselves 30 crucial minutes. So having a car is not essential for us but it would be very convenient.

She's complaining about people who thinks SHE should be one.

Ah....she has every right to not have one.

I am a non driver and I wouldn't dream of begging lifts off people unless you had Taxi written on your car and allowed me to pay you.

That is very good :).

But my own experience (and you see the threads pop up on MN every few weeks too) is that some (not all, I grant you) non-drivers seem very practiced at lift cadging. Work colleagues, sports club fellow players and neighbours in small villages/towns rank highest in my experience, in London it was very rare.

YANBU, but I think it's very unusual for people to not be able to drive these days. I had a think through all of our friends, relatives and then our parents and their peers and couldn't think of one person that doesn't drive.

Good for you though if you don't feel the need.

all the non drivers I know are lift cadgers. They 'don't want to/don't see the need to etc., but they do ask for lifts from others.

Well, all drivers have experienced both states of affairs - not being able to drive (pre-licence) and the freedom of driving. Whereas non-drivers only have experience of the former.

Interesting then that the vast, vast majority of drivers, having experienced the freedom of having a car and the ability to get anywhere, wouldn't go back to the first state of affairs. That's where the slight incredulity comes in, I think... Drivers know how convenient it is and how much it frees you up, and this is just why they don't why you'd actively choose to limit yourself.

I was reading this whole thread very much thinking this is totally a case of 'you don't miss what you don't have', and you have articulated that yourself.

Shame about all you're missing out on, though!

I can't imagine out life without one, although we're not in the UK. We decided impromptu to go to the beach yesterday morning, and today went to a birthday party, minus the mooching round waiting for a taxi - we could go there and then leave the minute we fancied it, instead of messing round. Seems like a small thing, but it's just sheer convenience.

I'm perfectly able on public transport - I lived in London for 13 years, I had to be! But give me the comfort, convenience and freedom of a car any day. God, the amount we spent on black cabs back in the day - ludicrous.

I have a friend who won't get a car, and expects me to drive miles out of my way to give her 'lifts'. If this is you YABU. If not and you really do get taxis YANBU.

She won't ever buy a round either.... grr.

I didn't learn til late 20's and I managed because I had to. It did eat into my time though, which was ok then. Now, juggling work, kids and more ageing parents, time is more scarce. My SIL's don't drive, and now my DH had to take PIL's to all their hospital appts, even though he lives further away and works more. Their not driving impacts on us a lot.

"I love holidaying in the UK and would hate to be limited to places that I could easily access by public transport, we love getting in the car and going to the lakes for the day - again wouldn't be possible by public transport so in some ways it does limit your options."

We love holidaying in the UK and tend to stay in out of the way places that are off public transport routes. I agree that a car is massivley convenient for us and simply widens our options. We could live without a car but would really miss it if we didn't. OH's family would also miss out on our visits - they wouldn't be able to visit us either as SIL won't drive anywhere she is unfamiliar with and has never done any motorway driving.

I think in some places it is a life skill but not in cities.

I HATE driving, I always had and probably always will. I did learn as where I lived as a kid you couldn't really get a job without being able to drive but I lived for years in Oxford and London and didn't drive for most of it.

Now I need a car and it does drive my slightly crazy that out of my closest friends I'm the only driver, I'd hapily lend out my car for things like picking up furniture. One of them does want to learn but just can't afford it at the moment.

Because of where we live I don't have any friends who don't drive.

I think this thread started today, neatly illustrates both sides of the argument.

The OP doesn't drive and is seeking ways of getting somewhere that, if she could drive, would be relatively straightforward. She is happy to put her hand in her pocket to contribute, so clearly doesn't feel entitled to automatic lifts. She needs to be somewhere for 9am - she would have to leave at 5am using public transport.

all the non drivers I know are lift cadgers. They 'don't want to/don't see the need to etc., but they do ask for lifts from others.

Well they are in the wrong to expect others to make up the shortfall in their lack of driving ability, but please don't label us all as the same.

I know lots of non drivers and they never cadge lifts, me included.

I object to drivers telling me I MUST drive and that I am a lift cadger when I did TRY and drive (3 yrs, £3k, 150 hours of lessons, 2 failed tests) but would NEVER cadge lifts.

If I don't drive, and I'm not expecting drivers to ferry me about, then it's really nobody's problem is it?

However, it's a great pity that the infrastructure of our country is getting so like the USA that soon not driving really will make life difficult. Out of town retail parks and business parks are just the start and I swear they are all sponsored by car manufacturers to make us all drive!

don't let 2 failed tests get you down; I failed 3 times and passed on my fourth attempt. It was one of the happiest days of my life!

I don't drive (though DH does) and we arrange our life so it's not a problem - choose to live in places which are convenient for public transport, nights out etc. Then all the drivers who have arranged their lives so they can't do anything without a car always end up asking to stay at ours, come back after drinking, meet at ours as it's so convenient etc. It's the driver equivalent of lift cadging.

It's not the two failed tests, it was the 9 serious faults, 19 minor faults, the shaking, the crying, the terror, the jumpiness, the driving into railings, the taking a wing mirror off, the total inability to bay park after nearly 600 attempts (no exaggeration spent entire 2 hour lessons on it), and the way I go to pieces when I sit behind a wheel. I hate everything about driving. I would rather have my teeth pulled out with pliers.

Now we can't afford £160 a month for lessons so I am putting it on ice for now whilst enjoying walking everywhere.

I am an occasional lift cadger if DH has the car (we have 1 between us). Public transport is hassle with 5 DC. However the only lifts we cadge are for DC when they are invited somewhere (by the person we ask politely and gratefully for a lift!) or somewhere that a friend who lives nearby is going there anyway. We then return the favour when we can. I hope they don't feel as some do on here! I never mind giving lifts (to the same places I am going anyway) to my non car friends & their DC-it would be quite selfish if I did! I may think of getting my own for when DC5 is at school though as it is restricting in terms of after school clubs etc as they all presume everyone has a car. It restricts clubs DC can attend etc.

If you live in a crap area driving is important but if you dont then its not. When I have had to live in rubbish areas I have noticed there are a lot more car drivers

It's all personal choice really.

I come from the country so learning to drive was a necessity really if I wanted any kind of flexibility for getting a job so am personally of the opinion that it is good to know how to drive just in case you have to do it.

However if you don't need to drive & can manage without it then fair enough. What is annoying are people who can't or won't drive but expect lifts everywhere!

YaOle. Poor you! That sounds stressful.

I passed third time. Its so nerveracking.

I don't drive (test tomorrow eek) but what if people are insistant on giving you a lift. I am very happy making my own way round, and live near good public transport links (near london and work in london) and always have a cab booked for the end of the night. But what if people offer and mean it?

I had a woman drive up to me as I was walking back from chuch stop in the middle of the road and said 'get in'!". she is a lovely woman and gives me lifts back from prayer gorup as she lives one road over from me. And is pretty insistant.

What do I do then?