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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to get really, really irritated by people who seem to think that being able to drive is the be all and end all?

277 replies

BellaCB · 31/03/2012 09:10

It just winds me up!

Neither DP or I drive, never learnt. We lived in London in our 20s so it was no biggie. Now we're in a smaller town and have DD and pretty much everyone we know is WTF? about us not being able to drive. They just keep on and on and on about how we have to start learning (and NOW!) otherwise we'll never be able to cope.

But, you know, there are things such as buses, and trains, and even - gasp! - your feet for walking. We get on fine, we both love the exercise this means we get and, if we do need to go somewhere in a car, we get a taxi. We've got a travel system pram so we've always got a car seat if we need it. I mean, have you seen the cost of learning to drive and buying a car at the moment?! We'd bankrupt ourselves doing it! We could probably get taxis everywhere we possibly wanted to go at the moment and it would still work out cheaper!

Now I know if you lived in a small village that was miles from anywhere with shops and had no public transport then not driving would be a real issue. But for most people who live in towns then not driving isn't exactly that much of a pain. Maybe about twice a year we think - ooh, if we did have a car this would be a little easier, but that's not worth £000's...

Actually, maybe this is more of a rant about people assuming you have to be able to drive in order to have any kind of decent life. And people sticking their nose in and saying, Drive, now! Wink. What made me go Grr... right now was a reply on another thread telling the OP to learn to drive to sort out a short-term problem. Like the friend who told me I was ruining her wedding because I couldn't drive from the church to the party venue - even though I was maid-of-honour and wouldn't have driven myself to the wedding ceremony anyway!

OK... deep breath... prepares for a bunfight... but AIBU?

OP posts:
jellybeans · 02/04/2012 12:20

'however, think it is unreasonable if you don't drive and expect others to ferry your dcs around as a result '

I don't think that is the case for people who cannot afford to run a car is it? I have a friend who is a lone mum and very hard up so gave up her car-no choice in it. I am always happy to give her DC a lift when I can. Why shouldn't she hope/expect others to be decent and offer her DC a lift if they are going to the same events/parties etc?

ReactionaryFish · 02/04/2012 12:25

Not being able to drive is "silly", is it? Strikes me that if it's genuinely never crossed your mind that some people might have less innate ability to acquire this skill than others, while being perfectly capable in other areas, then you might be lacking a few "life skills" yourself.

YonWhaleFish · 02/04/2012 12:54

Yes I drive two miles. It takes 40 minutes to walk it, I don't really want to leave my house at 7.30am everyday thanks.

YonWhaleFish · 02/04/2012 12:57

And - this thread is full of people getting the hump if people are surprised or condescending toward them because they can't drive, and you're being the exact same towards me for choosing to drive to work! Biscuit

OracleInaCoracle · 02/04/2012 13:04

Yon, I totally see why you drive to work, the difference between you and many other drivers, is that you know that its possible to get to work without driving.

People are flabberghasted when I say I can't drive and don't care. Its never hindered me. Dh and I once visited SIL in spain. They had a house in a v small fishing village. Dh and I had a row so I went off on my own for the day armed with my phrase book and a bus ticket. It was awesome. You are only as restricted as you allow yourself to be.

choceyes · 02/04/2012 14:05

YANBU.

I can't drive, but I'm constantly told I should learn by my parents. They've even paid £100 towards it (yeah that'ss be about 4 lessons then). I live just outside Manchester and walk into town, a 30min walk max, or take the bus (walking doesn't take anymore time however, what with waiting for the bus, going through traffic etc). My DH can drive, but we don't have a car. We hire one if we need to. We don't have any expenditure on cars or transport as I walk to work and DH cycles to work. We have a lot more disposable income as a result.
We have 2 small DCs. There have been times when I've wished I could drive, or that we had a car, but really, I could flag a black cab from the main road within 5mins, so if I really needed to get somewhere quickly I'd do that. we can hire a car if we plan to do something that can't be done by train/tram or bus.
I do agree with some people who say that having a car does offer more options and flexibility. But it is SO much more expensive to maintain a car than not, it offers us more options and flexibilty as we are saving so much money as a result. For example we over pay on our mortgage every month, and we should be mortgage free in a few years. If we were to own a car, then this would not be possible. Not having a mortgage a few years down the line means, endless possibilities and options for us as a family, so i'd rather have that.

GooseyLoosey · 02/04/2012 14:13

I did not learn to drive until my mid 30s. Everyone nagged me endlessly about it - my parents, dh, my friends. I could not really see the point.

However, since I have learned to drive I have realised 2 things: (a) the reason it was not too bad not being able to drive was that I was partially reliant on all of the people who nagged me to get me to places that were not covered by public transport; and (b) there were many things I was missing out on and freedoms I just did not have when I could not drive.

YonWhaleFish · 02/04/2012 14:14

My car cost approx £109.75 per month to run, inc tax, mot, insurance & petrol.

That's not factoring in if anything goes wrong with it of course.

toofattorun · 02/04/2012 14:29

It's not the be all and end all and I would never lecture someone if they didn't have a car. However, I love driving and I hate my friends just assuming if we go out, I will be driving them there for free each and every time. It's a feckin joke. They are really irritating.

YonWhaleFish · 02/04/2012 14:35

toofat start charging - I do. Or get them to buy you any drinks you have, it's got to be compensation for an alcohol free night out having your drinks bought for you Smile

Original poster
BellaCB · 02/04/2012 14:48

£109.75 is still quite a lot of money, if you currently don't spend anything really on transport.

But you are being very reasonable to charge you friends or ask them to buy you drinks - it's your petrol, so its only fair!

OP posts:
choceyes · 02/04/2012 14:52

YouWhaleFish - As we live in an inner-city surburb, our insurance alone would be about £1500 a year, so more than all your expendure put together! We did have a car a few years ago for about a year and my DH insured it saying we were living at his parents in a small town in kent, and it was less than half the price. But DH didn't like to be deceitful again when it came to insuring the car again, and we thought we don't really NEED to the car TBH, as even when we had the car it was just parked up for weeks without any use, so for us, it seemed like a no brainer to get rid of it.
Plus, from what I've heard of collegues tell me, it costs them about £250-£300 a month to maintain a car if you added up all the costs.

Charliefarlie1192 · 02/04/2012 14:55

YABU, I couldnt cope with not being able to drive and/or not having a car. Also, as others have said, its a pretty basic skill.

I will probably get flamed for this but a man who cant drive would not be attractive to me at all

OracleInaCoracle · 02/04/2012 15:12

I couldnt cope with not being able to drive and/or not having a car why? and what makes it a basic skill?

Sirzy · 02/04/2012 15:13

Considering a 4 week bus pass here would cost £50 plus each then any trains/taxis on top then the £100 a month for the car (which is similar to what I pay to) seems very reasonable!

choceyes · 02/04/2012 15:36

I will probably get flamed for this but a man who cant drive would not be attractive to me at all

My DH only learnt to drive after we met, so I'd have judged him on the basis of that, then I'd have lost out on an amazing husband and a devoted dad to my children. At the time I was impressed that he didn't insist on his parents spending their money on driving lessons for him when he was younger, and that he wasn't swayed into doing something that all his friends were doing. I found it attractive that he could think for himself and not follow the herd and he could think outside the box and realise that driving a car wasn't a must in live, especially with no kids.
And now what I find very attractive about my DH is his amazing body, honed by cycling 20miles to work everyday, looking at his car driving friends, flabby bodies and beer guts makes me so glad of my DH. (huge generalisation there, I realise not all car drivers are flabby - but all serious cyclists do have amazing bodies!!).

YonWhaleFish · 02/04/2012 15:46

Plus, from what I've heard of collegues tell me, it costs them about £250-£300 a month to maintain a car if you added up all the costs.

By the sounds of it they need new cars Shock, I don't need to spend anymore than I said upthread, unless of course something goes wrong and it needs a repair

Oh I completely agree, it's a lot of money if you currently don't spend anything! The prices and transport where I am are ridiculous! If I was in a city I wouldn't have a car at all. The hassle would be more than it was worth, plus transport's usually better and cheaper!

YonWhaleFish · 02/04/2012 15:47

Seems strange to judge a person's attractiveness on their ability to drive. I had no idea if my dh could drive or not when I met him!

BusinessTrills · 02/04/2012 16:09

My car cost approx £109.75 per month to run, inc tax, mot, insurance & petrol.

Plus the cost of yearly servicing (vital since you are not factoring in cost of repairs if anything going wrong)

Plus AA membership or equivalent (not vital but desirable)

Sirzy · 02/04/2012 16:16

Well my service cost £100 a year, breakdown cover £30 a year.

So factoring them in I still only spend around £120 a month keeping car on the road. Here I would probably spend more doing it by public transport

YonWhaleFish · 02/04/2012 16:22

Business Trills

Well the service took it up to £115, I did forget that in my calculations.

I get break down cover free with my bank account.

I am aware breakdown cover is a good idea, thanks, having owned a car for 10 years.

Whatmeworry · 02/04/2012 16:24

All these drive/not drive threads seem to revolve around whether (i) you live close to the services you use/work you do and (ii) you have a lot of free time or not.

YonWhaleFish · 02/04/2012 16:30

WHATME There's also the debate of cost too that always comes up, I think that really is dependent on what your local transport is like on whether it's worth it or not.

BusinessTrills · 02/04/2012 16:33

It's not just cost, it's also hassle. Finding somewhere to park, someone being designated driver, etc.

Depending on where you live, cars can be more or less of a pain.

Where my parents live nearly everything they do is easier and quicker to do in a car.

Where I live almost everything I do is easier and quicker not in a car.

Whatmeworry · 02/04/2012 16:34

WHATME There's also the debate of cost too that always comes up, I think that really is dependent on what your local transport is like on whether it's worth it or not.

And in the cost side, the anti-car brigade never cost in the value of time, because - I suspect - most of them don't work so their time is "free"