to get really, really irritated by people who seem to think that being able to drive is the be all and end all?

[BellaCB]

It just winds me up!

Neither DP or I drive, never learnt. We lived in London in our 20s so it was no biggie. Now we're in a smaller town and have DD and pretty much everyone we know is WTF? about us not being able to drive. They just keep on and on and on about how we have to start learning (and NOW!) otherwise we'll never be able to cope.

But, you know, there are things such as buses, and trains, and even - gasp! - your feet for walking. We get on fine, we both love the exercise this means we get and, if we do need to go somewhere in a car, we get a taxi. We've got a travel system pram so we've always got a car seat if we need it. I mean, have you seen the cost of learning to drive and buying a car at the moment?! We'd bankrupt ourselves doing it! We could probably get taxis everywhere we possibly wanted to go at the moment and it would still work out cheaper!

Now I know if you lived in a small village that was miles from anywhere with shops and had no public transport then not driving would be a real issue. But for most people who live in towns then not driving isn't exactly that much of a pain. Maybe about twice a year we think - ooh, if we did have a car this would be a little easier, but that's not worth £000's...

Actually, maybe this is more of a rant about people assuming you have to be able to drive in order to have any kind of decent life. And people sticking their nose in and saying, Drive, now! . What made me go Grr... right now was a reply on another thread telling the OP to learn to drive to sort out a short-term problem. Like the friend who told me I was ruining her wedding because I couldn't drive from the church to the party venue - even though I was maid-of-honour and wouldn't have driven myself to the wedding ceremony anyway!

OK... deep breath... prepares for a bunfight... but AIBU?

spuddy - your post reminded me of something I read recently. Apparently kids who grow up car-free/in households who limit car use are (by the age of 14/15) a lot more independent than their peers. Apparently they are happy to undertake solo inter-city journeys on public transport etc. It makes me wonder whether a lot of contemporary non-drivers are children of previous generation non-drivers - ie they have grown up undaunted by journeys without a car. Whereas kids who have always been bundled into a car to go everywhere don't know anything different and can't even begin to imagine an alternative. :)

I think the attitudes of parents toward transport will inevitably rub off on children. I grew up in a house where both parents drove, we had a caravan and holiday in the UK driving all over the place etc so it made sense that I would drive because to me having a car has always been there IYSWIM?

I have friends whose parents didn't drive so they are used to waiting hours for a bus using public transport so in a lot of cases they haven't learnt to drive.

Good to know zippy! Out of interest, for when I get a car again... if you were going out for dinner with a bunch of friends, would you be upset if someone didn't offer you a lift home? Assuming you don't live next door/in the same street? At the moment I would feel bad leaving the non-drivers to it (we don't live in a place with good public transport). But maybe they wouldn't mind after all?

Honestly - I wouldn't mind. I've made my choices, they've made theirs. What would particularly bug me would be one of them maudling on all night about not being able to drink because they had to drive. Get a taxi - between five/six of you it's not going to cost a lot. Unless of course you have chosen to go to dinner 45 miles away in which case on your own head be it. I'd leave you to it (or go along and arrange to stay the night and have breakfast too :) )

My mum chose not to drive (she had her test). I can honestly say it was a massive pain in the arse for us both as children and now we are adults. We had to get lifts/bus/taxi everywhere which marked us out as different. It made it much harder for us to do after-schools activities.

I HATE getting lifts from people now.

Now my mum is still reliant on lifts anywhere not on a direct bus route. I honestly think I would have a better relationship with her now if she drove, it's just such a pain not being able to meet her somewhere do something and split, instead you have to get her/bring her home. Plus she has no concept of the additional time involved.

Zippy both my parents drove. Dad did for work, but mum hated it and would only drive to the supermarket and back once a week. We always got the bus to school, to and from guides etc. When i got older and went to parties it was a case of get yourself home or stay out, as my parents would have been well over the limit to drive even if they had the inclination to pick me up (which they wouldn't!).

So i am very independent in getting myself about respect. I print out maps and off i trot!

And Mocking out of the few friends who drive none would have their car if we went out anyway, as we all like a drink. So no lifts from anyone ever. DP and i get taxis everywhere if we go out, even tho he drives, as he wants a beer too.

Huw, my problem is people who constantly make comments or even have a go at me and DP for not driving. I don't particularly care what they think, because I don't actually ask them for lifts. My point, as it says in the title, was that it's so sodding irritating having people go on and on and on and on about how limiting it is, and how it doesn't make me/us self-sufficient, and how on earth do I cope without driving. Like I said before, I posted this in a fit of pique this morning after finding yet another thread on MN where the answer to the OP's problem was apparently to learn to drive. The answer was not to learn to drive.

But DD is down for the night, I have a glass of wine... its not the evening to get into a fight

But dependant on how you want to live your life not driving will be limiting. I love holidaying in the UK and would hate to be limited to places that I could easily access by public transport, we love getting in the car and going to the lakes for the day - again wouldn't be possible by public transport so in some ways it does limit your options.

If you are happy with that then great but you can't deny it does.

Zippy in answer to your question: DF drove, DM didn't - spent loads of time going to hospital appointments for me as a child on the bus. Think my first solo visit to our city's main shopping centre was when I was 11.

I've worked in holiday clubs (5-11 yr olds) where we had used public transport to get us a short distance and some of the children had never been on buses, they wondered what all the strange people were doing on their coach and why the bus didn't drop them off right outside the venue.

I was told at 15 that my eyesight was below the legal limit and there was no way they could improve it anymore.

That's a fair point, Sirzy. One thing is, I suppose, that when you don't drive you just don't look holidays that involve driving, so you kind of don't notice that you are missing out, IYSWIM?

Bella - that's so true about the holiday thing. I don't think 'aw, shame - we could go there if we had a car'. Instead I think 'Aw, look - that place has a crazy funicular railway/cycle path/rickety bus that has stops all the places we want to go - let's book it'. Also, I've never yet come across anywhere I really wanted to go that I couldn't because I didn't have a car. Even places that are really out-of-the-way often have public transport links (though you might have to do a bit of work to track them down). This is particularly the case outside the UK cos loads of other cultures don't depend on cars in the way we do.

YANBU for being irritated by people commenting on your lack of driving.
YABU to say that it doesn't restrict your life because it 100%does. I managed without a driving license until I was 32 and have been driving for the past 8 years. It absolutely does restrict your movements and make life much harder, especially with children. It IS easier to drive. It makes life more fun when you can easily access anywhere at ANY time of day or night. But YANBU for wanting people to shut up about it and keep their opinions to themselves.

That does make sense Bella. I think a big part of my issue is the poor public transport at this end meaning that any trip ends up being so long. Like I mentioned getting cross country before would take 6 hours instead of 2.5 to drive. 2 hours of that would be getting 20 miles up the road to manchester to get decent links for the rest of the trip.

I used to Get that all the time. Grew up in central London and learnt to drive in Chile, when I needed to. That was only because there was no other way to Get the DDs to School. Now I love the sense of independice I Get when driving

lottie it restricts your life in some ways but enriches it in others. I have had fantastic rail journeys which i wouldn't have had if i drove. I get to read my books instead of focussing on the road. I even love sitting at a bus stop on a sunny day and just watching the world go by. I think that makes life more fun tbh.

Ok Bella, me too (glass in hand and kids NOT yet in bed). I know people who don't drive but I wouldn't dream of mentioning it unless someone started to use me as a taxi service...but no-one has.

So, feck 'em!

Everlong - sorry the kids took over for while. Yes, I'm glad I have a license. If I ever need to drive I'll take a few lessons (for confidence) and I'll be fine.

Lottie, I know it probably does limit your life, but it falls in to that category of 'you don't miss something you've never had', if you think about it. And spuddy is right, there is a lot of fun to be had from public transport. One of my favourite things in life is getting a train up to see a friend up north, its an easy journey, always runs smoothly, lovely chance to chill out and have a good read for three hours. And I do feel as though I've got to know my new town so much better for walking and getting buses than I would have done if I drove. Pros and cons to both sides, really.

But Drivers can still do all of those things if they choose! When I want to go into a city centre I drive to the train station then get the train in as that is the easiest option by far.

Yup. Drivers can still do all the things non drivers can do.
But non drivers cant drive.

Aaargh! I'm not saying that drivers can't do those things! I'm just saying that non-drivers get by fine too. And that its comments like that which irritate me. Sorry

So people stating facts irritates you? Ok then!

I know exactly what you mean OP. I cycled to work all winter. Every morning, without fail, people queued up to tell me I should get a car because it was cold. Every f'ing morning. I don't want a car.

No, no, not the fact stating! God, can you tell the wine is kicking in? I probably just read the comment wrong but it came across a little smug to me. As in, 'I can do so much more than you' - more quintessential's comment (sorry quintessential!)

AIBU to get really irritated with people who whinge about car drivers...

...as they are quite often on the cadge for lifts in my experience.