to get really, really irritated by people who seem to think that being able to drive is the be all and end all?

[BellaCB]

It just winds me up!

Neither DP or I drive, never learnt. We lived in London in our 20s so it was no biggie. Now we're in a smaller town and have DD and pretty much everyone we know is WTF? about us not being able to drive. They just keep on and on and on about how we have to start learning (and NOW!) otherwise we'll never be able to cope.

But, you know, there are things such as buses, and trains, and even - gasp! - your feet for walking. We get on fine, we both love the exercise this means we get and, if we do need to go somewhere in a car, we get a taxi. We've got a travel system pram so we've always got a car seat if we need it. I mean, have you seen the cost of learning to drive and buying a car at the moment?! We'd bankrupt ourselves doing it! We could probably get taxis everywhere we possibly wanted to go at the moment and it would still work out cheaper!

Now I know if you lived in a small village that was miles from anywhere with shops and had no public transport then not driving would be a real issue. But for most people who live in towns then not driving isn't exactly that much of a pain. Maybe about twice a year we think - ooh, if we did have a car this would be a little easier, but that's not worth £000's...

Actually, maybe this is more of a rant about people assuming you have to be able to drive in order to have any kind of decent life. And people sticking their nose in and saying, Drive, now! . What made me go Grr... right now was a reply on another thread telling the OP to learn to drive to sort out a short-term problem. Like the friend who told me I was ruining her wedding because I couldn't drive from the church to the party venue - even though I was maid-of-honour and wouldn't have driven myself to the wedding ceremony anyway!

OK... deep breath... prepares for a bunfight... but AIBU?

I have my driving test on Monday and I agree that you should at least get introductory lessons, maybe do the theory at school, over here. It adds to the poverty premium imo.

I have only been able to learn due ti an inheritance. And I am a professional who works full time in the south east. I have other friends my age (25) who have only been able to learn with handouts.

Different stokes for different folks. Some people need to drive for jobs, situation etc, some don't. Some like to drive, some don't. YANBU to be annoyed if people act superior for driving and your friend sounds a bit of a prat if she's frantic about church-venue going. There's always cabs and you can pre-book in advance. Hell, most people i know who go to venues separate from the wedding place use cabs because they don't want to drive-they want to drink.

I would only have said YWBU if you expect them always to come to you, because you don't drive, or if you expect them to take you here there and everywhere and it doesn't sound like you do that.

I don't think it makes life that much more expensive, it would cost me a hell of a lot more to use very unreliable public transport than it does to run a car.

Oh yes, driving with loud music, there really is nothing like it!

YANBU if you are minding your own business and people are sticking their nose in.

BUT, as a driver, I have heard my two non-driving friends insist they don't need to learn, they apparently always use buses and never rely on the drivers for lifts. Do they heck!!

I drive and have done since I was 17 (and I am almost 40).

That said depending on where we have lived and our lifestyle at the time I have needed to have a car to cope with our day to day living and have also had periods when having a car wasn't a neccessity at all because we had good facilities close to the house and what was not walkable was easily accessable by good public transport links.

I even went without a car at all for almost a year and only missed it a handful of times in that time.

Where I live now would be a bloody pain in the arse to not have a car and those who live me unable to drive do suffer and moan about being cut off. I am on a military base and we are pretty much out in the sticks here. There is not much on base in the form of facilities for dependents so everything is a trek away. The nearest shop just over a mile but with no foot path for most of that - just country lane. There are aschool buses thank god BUT public transport is dire. My car was in for MOT a while back and DH away. There were 2 buses in the morning and 2 back in the afternoon. I spent hours walking the streets bored to tears in our local town because I had just missed one bus and had to wait 3 hours for the next one. I would absolutely HATE living here with no car.

I think its relative to where you live and what your lifestyle entails as to whether or not you NEED or would miss having a car. Tbh - I hate the way I NEED to have one here as I am sick of the running costs and the red tape that goes with getting insurance these days. I quite often think I would happily not own a car and not drive if I lived somewhere with better public transport.

Bella we can't all live where there is decent public transport. Where I live, rural East Sussex - no trains, no buses - 15/20 mile round trip to find a bus or a train. Therefore, reliant on cars. Obviously our choice to live here, are you suggesting we move out and live in a town?

YANBU YANBU YANBU

Someone early in this thread remarked that the OP was being OTT in her original post by suggesting that some folk think being able to drive is the be all and end all. Subsequent posts have proved that she isn't being OTT at all. Drivers have a real issue with those who don't/choose not to drive.

Providing that the car-free person does not inconvenience others by badgering them for lifts then what exactly is the problem?

Both ds and dd have had to be got to hospital v quickly on several occasions.
Both dh and I have had to get to work on a daily basis for years.
My fridge is miraculously stocked with food.
My children go to parties/activities/brownie camps all over the county (though why people choose to hold their kid's parties XXX miles from home is beyond me).
We have holidayed all over the world.

We don't drive.

It's really not that hard. We walk, we cycle, we get the bus, we get the train. If needs must we get a cab. We NEVER beg lifts (I'd trust a cab driver over my mates driving anytime). Frequently we sail along the in the bus lane looking in bemusement at the 'free-wheeeling' 'independent' 'time-pressed' drivers sat nose to tail going absolutely nowhere in the adjacent lane.

We don't drive. We're happy. For some reason loads of drivers seem to feel sorry for us. But lots of the time we're feeling a bit sorry for them.

OP - you are right to be pissed off.

Im not convinced its always more expensive to run a car.

I think mine is around 750 a year. That's around 14 quid a week. How many bus, tube, cab journeys is that?

I left my car at home to meet some friends in town recently. The tube cost around 6 i think which then was partially closed. That's not a rare occurrence. So then i had to get cabs which came to 27! For one night!

That was the budget blown for 2 and a half weeks!

madasa - well, yeah - if you want to live without a car. If you don't - you're fine where you are. Simples.

"Drivers have a real issue with those who don't/choose not to drive."

As a driver I only have issues with non drivers who are smug about it, and who absolutely refuse to understand that other people's lifestyles or where they live do necessitate being able to drive.

I have no problem with people not being able to drive either.

I have a big problem with giving them lifts. Especially when they insist I don't, but actually I do.

bunbaker ' As a driver I only have issues with non drivers who are smug about it, and who absolutely refuse to understand that other people's lifestyles or where they live do necessitate being able to drive.'

But your lifestyle and where you live is a choice. If you choose to live in a place/live a lifestyle where driving is a necessity then that's fine. Other people make different choices. Lots of my choices in life have been made on the basis that I don't want to drive - that has determined where I live, the schools my kids go to, my job. Drivers may have made similar choices based on the fact that they are happy to drive X miles to school, X miles to work. Neither set of choices is more or less valid than the other - live and let live.

Just don't bug me cause you want me to drive.

mocking 'I have a big problem with giving them lifts. Especially when they insist I don't, but actually I do.'

Why do you?

Zippy I'm not bugging you. I want to live in a rural area where there is a low crime rate, enjoy lovely views from my house, breathe in fresh air, buy my locally produced meat and veg from local farm shops, take country walks etc. Yes, I chose this lifestyle because I can drive. Don't berate me for that. If you had read my earlier posts you will see that when I lived in London I didn't drive because I had no need to. Wild horses wouldn't drag me back there to live now.

Everlong the point is, for me anyway and i think OP and Zippy too, that a lot of people really do care. They go on and on about it. I know friends of my parents who whenever i see them can talk of little else other than the horror and incredulity of me not being able to drive. I have colleagues at work who cannot comprehend it. I think the point of the OP (please correct me if i'm wrong) is not an anti driving one, but annoyance at those who constantly go on about it if you can't.

everlong - my comment wasn't directed at any particular poster just this general assumption that the OP referred to in her original post -

' maybe this is more of a rant about people assuming you have to be able to drive in order to have any kind of decent life. And people sticking their nose in and saying, Drive, now! wink. What made me go Grr... right now was a reply on another thread telling the OP to learn to drive to sort out a short-term problem. Like the friend who told me I was ruining her wedding because I couldn't drive from the church to the party venue - even though I was maid-of-honour and wouldn't have driven myself to the wedding ceremony anyway!'.

As a non-driver I get this stuff all the time. I'm repeating myself from another thread here but for the sake of clarity I will. I walk or cycle DS a whole one mile to school every morning. The other day another mother pulled me aside and asked me, wide-eyed, why I made my 'poor' son 'walk' to school. It was like I was some kind of child-abuser. That's what I'm talking about. This society has become so car-obsessed that we've lost all perspective. It's nuts.

I don't drive either. Technically I can: eventually passed my driving test after 6 attempts, but that was in 1988 and I haven't driven since then.
Mind you, it's just one of many things I refuse to do that 'normal' people do. I live in an urban area, have a lot of equally car-free friends, it just isn't a big deal. From time to time I have had to point out to people that a car isn't compulsory; if you can't get somewhere on public transport you can always get a taxi.

bunbaker - sorry, none of my remarks were directed at you. I think everyone makes their own choices and that's fine. For what it's worth we also live rurally (and therefore embrace our erratic local bus service). :)