to get really, really irritated by people who seem to think that being able to drive is the be all and end all?

[BellaCB]

It just winds me up!

Neither DP or I drive, never learnt. We lived in London in our 20s so it was no biggie. Now we're in a smaller town and have DD and pretty much everyone we know is WTF? about us not being able to drive. They just keep on and on and on about how we have to start learning (and NOW!) otherwise we'll never be able to cope.

But, you know, there are things such as buses, and trains, and even - gasp! - your feet for walking. We get on fine, we both love the exercise this means we get and, if we do need to go somewhere in a car, we get a taxi. We've got a travel system pram so we've always got a car seat if we need it. I mean, have you seen the cost of learning to drive and buying a car at the moment?! We'd bankrupt ourselves doing it! We could probably get taxis everywhere we possibly wanted to go at the moment and it would still work out cheaper!

Now I know if you lived in a small village that was miles from anywhere with shops and had no public transport then not driving would be a real issue. But for most people who live in towns then not driving isn't exactly that much of a pain. Maybe about twice a year we think - ooh, if we did have a car this would be a little easier, but that's not worth £000's...

Actually, maybe this is more of a rant about people assuming you have to be able to drive in order to have any kind of decent life. And people sticking their nose in and saying, Drive, now! . What made me go Grr... right now was a reply on another thread telling the OP to learn to drive to sort out a short-term problem. Like the friend who told me I was ruining her wedding because I couldn't drive from the church to the party venue - even though I was maid-of-honour and wouldn't have driven myself to the wedding ceremony anyway!

OK... deep breath... prepares for a bunfight... but AIBU?

If it were a basic skill it would be taught in schools here like Driver's Ed in America.
As opposed to costing me well over £1000 to get a licence (got 20 hours for both 18th and 23rd birthdays, passed 4th time, no way to practise between lessons).

ironically it would have been really useful if I'd managed to qualify earlier, as I had to turn down a job offer after failing test #2 - place was in middle of nowhere, but since passing I share the driving on long journeys, which in the last decade has been about twice a year, and that's about it. We keep thinking about getting rid of the car - people say now we have 3 kids we'll need it more but so far £800 a year savings before petrol costs is looking pretty good...

Bella. No you don't forget everything you've learnt if you don't drive all the time after passing your test. I didn't drive for about 2 or 3 years as i couldn't afford a car after i passed my test. I didn't take any refresher lessons although i think they are a good idea. I just started off somewhere empty, think it was a car park, and it came straight back to me.

Now if you left it 30 years . . . !

"I dont think anybody can really say "Now that I know how to drive, and I have a car, I have much fewer options available to me in life"."

Certainly not owning a car does reduce my options. However, it's opening up one option which would not be available if I was running a car; I am planning to emmigrate in a few years time and the savings are making that possible. The indirect savings, where you spend less because you do less, should not be underestimated.

Pooinyour... This is WELL off top, but you name makes me wanna puke. Please change it - it's not good for pre lunch viewing! [boak]

So, what do I do then. As I said I can't be taught - my eyesight is below the legal limit. Does that make me less of a mother. When DS last bumped his head, DP was at work (he'd cycled). I called a taxi explained why, they were here in minutes and we were at A&E in 10.

So I am going to be penalised again for having poor eyesight, obviously I can't get a job being a non driver, I can't entertain and look after my child properly, I am a drain on my friends for having to drive me around and I am lacking a basic skill. None of which is true.

Or, I just get on with things the way I have always done, coping when things arise to the best of my ability, knowing that I am never going to drive

I don't have a choice in not driving - but I do have a choice in how I deal with it!!

Margueritaa . . . Er . . . no!

[puke]

[catches sick in bucket, gives Marg a slap and tells her not to be such a woos]

bunbaker I do live in London so a five hour drive. Which I do on my own without resorting to having a lie down and a sulk for the first two days of the holiday.

Then a two day build up of sulking before we set off for home.

OH was whingy about it before he had MS. Now he has MS I do all of the driving when we go out together. If we go away I do all of the driving. Its really not the big deal he made it out to be to get out of doing anything else

i think some people who don't live in a city and rely on their car find it quite shocking/amazing when you say you don't drive. It turns their routine upside down to imagine it without driving so they are incredulous.

I also don't drive. I have lived in London my whole life (apart from uni when i couldn't have afforded a car anyway) and driving just wasn't important. Not one of my friends from my age group (35) who still lives there drives. The only ones are those who moved out.

I have recently moved to Milton Keynes and to say people are shocked is an understatement. It is mentioned every day at work. In my interview all they went on about was that you got a parking permit - when i said i didn't need one it was like the scene in Bladerunner when they ask about a turtle on it's back in the desert!

Some people burst out laughing and don't actually believe me. It is all very strange. Some people seem genuinely angry with me, as if i am insulting their choice to drive.

I have had this all my adult life whenever traveling outside London but MK is by far the worst. It is the town of the roundabout after all and they seem to really love their cars. They talk about their cars often. I have had arguments about DP parking outside others houses. It's an odd place. :)

spuddy, I grew up in MK, half my friends are from there - maybe that's why they are so incredulous about me not driving!

life would be too restricted without a car, would hate to rely on others or public transport.

ah well bella that explains it! Sometimes i say i'm walking 15 mins to town on my lunch break and my colleagues shake their heads and laugh as if i am crazy. Also, and i know this will be controversial, they are all quite large and moan about their weight but walk nowhere. truly bizarre.

being able to drive was the best thing for independence for me

i would hate to have to hang round for buses or trains, or even worse have to rely on someone else to take me to and fro

you never realise how liberating it is until the day you get your licence.

YANBU but having had no car and now having got one i wouldn't like to not have one at all. DH and I share a car so I walk about 50% of the time which is nice. But without a car can make you dependent on others (especially with school age kids) when they have parties etc. out of town and also cubs/football meet up in neighbouring towns. Often guide/scout camps are not accessible by public route for example. I hate having to ask for lifts,it sucks. Also,the car gives you privacy and freedom that you don't get onpublic transport.You also don't have to carry everything with youfor the entire day, can take some stuff in the car.

I live on the outskirts of london with 3 dcs under 5 and get by perfectly well with buses, tubes and cabs. We get pretty much anywhere on the spur of the moment which is great and we all walk lots. A remarkable amount of people think this is bonkers. If there was any point in me driving I would take lessons, dh's car sits unused all week outside the house.

I learnt to drive at the grand old age of 28an after moving to the states.
To be quite honest, the bus service in Kent was very comparable in terms of time and frequency to the ones I had access to (in NJ) before learning to drive. And the service in NJ was a hell of a lot cheaper.
Where we live now though, I would not survive without a car but there is a snobbery over here about using public transport that does sadden me, basically it is seen as something you do if you cannot afford to run a car.
Now I do drive, I would be very reluctant to be without a car cos I loves it!

I stand corrected on the basic life skill front. However, I grew up in the country and if I had not learnt to drive it would have been very difficult to have any sort of social life. Had I stayed there, my working life and day to day life would also have been more difficult. Even in zone 2 London I believe my day to day life would be much more difficult without a car. Even DH who detests driving and avoids it wherever possible, admits that as a family we would be very hard pressed without a car.

In the context of basic life skill I was wrong but I hope when my children are ready to leave home they will be able to do the following:

Iron a shirt well
Make an omolette and a handful of other simple and nutritious meals
Deal with plugs, fuses and lightbulbs
Read a map
Sort out a problem with authorities/utilities
Deal with their finances
Drive
Use domestic appliances such as hoover, w/machine, dishwasher, etc.
Leave the lavatory/bath/shower clean for the next person
Change their bed linen

I put it up there with those things; very few of which DH and his siblings were able to do at 18. I have sorted out DH - his sisters still muddle along thinking they are far too individual and intellectual to have to deal with daily dross.

It's not a basic skill, but it is a skill that is very desirable to have. As DC get older and join clubs quite often they have to go to places that are not reachable by public transport, or not reachable easily, without taking half a day to get there. For example, DS1 plays/refs football most weekends. Matches are all over the place and not reachable by public transport at that time of the morning or on a Sunday. DD is in the guides and quite often has done activities that need her to be driven somewhere.

It's fine by me that you don't drive and don't want to; just don't expect me to give you a lift somewhere because you can't drive. This has happened to me in the past, but no more. I don't mind helping out people, but don't like being taken advantage of. I'm not saying you do, OP, but it is quite common with people who don't drive.

Everlong - easier? No doubt. More expensive? Definitely.

"I live on the outskirts of london with 3 dcs under 5 and get by perfectly well with buses, tubes and cabs"

Of course you do because you live in London. Most of us don't. I didn't drive when I lived there, but I do need to now that I live out in the sticks.

bunbaker, I don't live in London and I get by fine?

I live in a village and not having a car would be a pain, especially for DD's social life/swimming lessons/after school activities etc.