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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to get really, really irritated by people who seem to think that being able to drive is the be all and end all?

277 replies

BellaCB · 31/03/2012 09:10

It just winds me up!

Neither DP or I drive, never learnt. We lived in London in our 20s so it was no biggie. Now we're in a smaller town and have DD and pretty much everyone we know is WTF? about us not being able to drive. They just keep on and on and on about how we have to start learning (and NOW!) otherwise we'll never be able to cope.

But, you know, there are things such as buses, and trains, and even - gasp! - your feet for walking. We get on fine, we both love the exercise this means we get and, if we do need to go somewhere in a car, we get a taxi. We've got a travel system pram so we've always got a car seat if we need it. I mean, have you seen the cost of learning to drive and buying a car at the moment?! We'd bankrupt ourselves doing it! We could probably get taxis everywhere we possibly wanted to go at the moment and it would still work out cheaper!

Now I know if you lived in a small village that was miles from anywhere with shops and had no public transport then not driving would be a real issue. But for most people who live in towns then not driving isn't exactly that much of a pain. Maybe about twice a year we think - ooh, if we did have a car this would be a little easier, but that's not worth £000's...

Actually, maybe this is more of a rant about people assuming you have to be able to drive in order to have any kind of decent life. And people sticking their nose in and saying, Drive, now! Wink. What made me go Grr... right now was a reply on another thread telling the OP to learn to drive to sort out a short-term problem. Like the friend who told me I was ruining her wedding because I couldn't drive from the church to the party venue - even though I was maid-of-honour and wouldn't have driven myself to the wedding ceremony anyway!

OK... deep breath... prepares for a bunfight... but AIBU?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 31/03/2012 18:47

You get people at both extremes though. Those who think cars and drivers are evil and those who won't go around the corner unless it is in their car.

Most people find a happy medium when it comes to attitude towards transport. I use the car or walk as public transport is shocking here. If I lived city centre or a town with decent transport links I would use public transport a lot more.

Yama · 31/03/2012 18:52

I haven't driven since I passed my driving test. I only learned to shut people up.

So, YANBU. People can be dicks about driving.

Spuddybean · 31/03/2012 18:54

mine is not any kind of moral decision not to drive. I just am shite at it. Failed twice and lived in London so wasn't bothered at all. Sadly all that must come to an end and i am about to embark on yet more lessons :(

Baby on the way and now we live in MK public transport is awful.

I'm dreading learning again.

everlong · 31/03/2012 18:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Yama · 31/03/2012 19:02

I know, I know Everlong. I now know how to stop my in-laws asking me about certains topics. Didn't in the early days though.

everlong · 31/03/2012 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mockingjay · 31/03/2012 19:05

zippy - because they can never return the favour, and then have the gall to insist that they don't expect/get lifts!!

Don't get me wrong, I don't mind helping someone out occasionally, but giving people lifts is generally a PITA, so for them to not even acknowledge that you're doing them a favour is very annoying.

zippy539 · 31/03/2012 19:05

Last thought and then I'll retire. OP - I think what's most annoying about being badgered to drive is the implication that a non-driver is somehow helpless.

I see it as the other way around. I'm quite self-sufficient thanks - it's the folk with the car dependency who helpless. 'OMG - a petrol strike - how will I get to work/school/the supermarket - better go and buy some petrol at hugely inflated prices or my life will implode!!!"

mockingjay · 31/03/2012 19:06

To add, not saying that everyone who doesn't drive is like this... just that out of both of my 2 non-driver friends insist that they don't do this, and they do!

mockingjay · 31/03/2012 19:09

Well I guess the extreme members of both groups annoy each other for different (valid) reasons zippy Grin

zippy539 · 31/03/2012 19:10

Sorry I know I said I'd bow out but mocking - are these people actively asking you for lift all the time? If so, I have no sympathy for them - they need to get themselves sorted. I HATE lift spongers.

However if the following scenario is the case then I have no sympathy for you.

mockingjay: Hello lovely friend. I thought we should get the kids together for a play today.
Friend: Ooooh lovely. Shall we take them to the local park?
mockingjay: No, I think we should go to the identical park 15 miles away.
Friend: Oh, but how will we get there.
mockingjay:(A weary sigh) Don't worry, I'll take the car...

everlong · 31/03/2012 19:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zippy539 · 31/03/2012 19:12

My point being that loads of drivers I know seem determined to engineer situations that force everyone to drive when a perfectly lovely alternative would involve no driving at all.

zippy539 · 31/03/2012 19:14

Ever - I really am trying to be fair with this. I know people don't have a school on the doorstep but actually most of us do. Whether or not we choose to use that school is another question. That's all I'm saying - it's about choice - and a lot of my driver friends don't seem to have a 'choice' but to send their kids to schools miles away from where they actually live.

everlong · 31/03/2012 19:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zippy539 · 31/03/2012 19:16

ever - the perfectly lovely alternative was referring to a social activity not a school.

Is your nearest school actually 8 buses away?

zippy539 · 31/03/2012 19:18

all gone a bit silent...

zippy539 · 31/03/2012 19:20

Got to go and make easter eggs with dd before anyone accuses me of going a bit silent.

Sirzy · 31/03/2012 19:24

Re the petrol strikes - anyone panic buying was daft, my only concern was to ensure I had enough fuel for a middle of the night A and E trip with DS if needed (he always picks awkward time for asthma attacks!) anything else could wait!

That said, as we are due to go on holiday next week I did look at public transport options as a back up - the 2.5 hour trip in the car would have taken at least 6 on public transport so I'm glad that won't be an issue!!

Original poster
BellaCB · 31/03/2012 19:27

I'm not trying to say its better not to drive. Obviously if you live somewhere with very poor public transport then learning to drive will be almost essential, I'm certainly not suggesting people just up and move to somewhere there is decent transport! But a hell of a lot of places are fine for transport and/or walking. I live in a market town and I can walk from one side to the other within an hour, and as far as I am concerned that's perfectly acceptable. It means I get a decent walk in every day (and as a lazy git I need it!)

Cost-wise, though, its not always immediately cheaper. Neither DP nor I have ever learnt. So if one of us was to decide we would drive, we would need to pay for all the lessons, then buy a car, tax it, get it insured etc - and that does add up to a hell of a lot more than getting public transport and taxis.

My point was about all the people who assume you are 'useless' in some way for not driving, or think you've done it for some sort of moral upper hand, and who bring it up all the time. Like some of our acquaintances who were aghast that we were moving out of London without being able to drive, even though they live in London still and will never, and have never, had to ferry us around!

OP posts:
HuwEdwards · 31/03/2012 19:34

ah for god's sake get over yourself OP. What's your problem? If you're happy not driving, why do you care what others think?

When all's said and done, not being able to drive IS limiting.

mockingjay · 31/03/2012 19:35

Doing other things too zippy... I currently don't have a car, for the first time in 12 years, so definitely not engineering car-needing situations Wink

A lot of non-drivers just don't seem to have any understanding/appreciation of the time/effort/money that goes in to driving. Which makes sense I suppose, if they don't do it. For example, when you said why do I not want to give them lifts? This is the wrong way around! I made sure I can get myself places by learning to drive. I don't need to justify why I do/don't want to sort other people out too. If the question arises, they need to sort themselves out, just like I did (by driving or arranging alternatives).

Spuddybean · 31/03/2012 19:41

My favourite response bella is from people who say 'but how do you get to x' and when i say train/bus/walk they look in shock/awe and mutter 'you get on a train/bus/walk and go all that way, on your own (that appears to also be a big thing)...AMAZING' (i love the amazing part!)

zippy539 · 31/03/2012 19:41

mocking - I couldn't agree more with your last post. I just get pissed off when driving friends assume I need 'sorting out'. I don't - I'm perfectly capable of making my own arrangements, ta.

Spuddybean · 31/03/2012 19:43

oh and i never get lifts off anyone apart from DP. I'm always happier to read my book or stare out of a window on public transport.