Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 24 25

Original poster

to think dd's teacher was maybe over-reacting a tad?

622 replies

Northernlurker · 28/03/2012 18:15

Apparently dd has been 'very rude' today as per the message from teacher via after school club. Very rude consists of not listening to story but talking to friends and then saying 'no' when told to stop and 'no' when told to move. Now I agree this is very rude and the teacher obviously dealt with it at length because dd was in floods of tears when collected by after school club. I have spoken to dd and she was talking because the book was one we have at home and she was telling her friends as much. At the end of a hot day, at the end of term her attention is shot to pieces as is that of most of the other kids. AIBU to think that a message home about this infraction was overkill. She didn't get a warning, she didn't get a timeout - and really what am i supposed to do about this? i speak to dd about her day every day. i am clear about what is expected but seeing as she's a stubborn 4 who has been at school less than a term i don't expect miracles. Frankly impressed we've got this far.

Or should I be grovelling tomorrow?

OP posts:

MrsMeaner · 29/03/2012 14:24

She was rude - end of.

knowitallstrikesagain · 29/03/2012 14:28

YABU about this one incident. She was rude, teacher did not give her a harsh sanction, just told her off and reported it to you. Spot on.

I am sorry you feel your daughter has not been fully included in her class and this seems to be tainting your view of everything that happens. I would wait until after Easter, so that it is not seen as a reaction to your DD's recent telling off, and then go in and address some of these issues. For example, tell the teacher that your daughter wants her birthday and photo up with the others. One thing at a time. I hope things improve.

Chateauneuf · 29/03/2012 14:43

I think the teacher didn't do anything outrageous - possibly a bit firmer than required in handling the situation, but as a teacher and it's their prerogative. They're human too, and not infallible or endless of patience - perhaps it had been a trying day all round. Your daughter is probably upset as she feels it was unjust - I'd see my role in that context as providing a bit of empathy "it's not very nice getting told off, is it..." but then contextual support "...but it's important that you listen when teachers ask you to do things." Your daughter probably just wants a bit of comfort and reassurance after what is essentially an unpleasant experience, but I think you can provide that without undermining the teacher.

OriginalJamie · 29/03/2012 16:05

Now you've given that extra info, your unease makes much more sense, OP

1950s - "agenda" was the wrong word for me to use. Too Conspiracy Theory.

Original poster

Northernlurker · 29/03/2012 18:30

Ok so today she was full of smiles and said that she liked Mrs X the supply teacher. She was very pretty and had a nice voice apparently. Mrs X also read a book we had at home and dd particularly told me that she put her hand up to tell her this - so progress from our side. The after school club manager spoke to me about how she was when she came through to club yesterday - very upset and subdued apparently. Whilst agreeing dd was rude, the manager was clearly unimpressed by the outcome as well. Thank goodness they break up tomorrow. Hopefully next term will be better.

OP posts:

Original poster

Northernlurker · 29/03/2012 18:31

Oh and the supply teacher remembered to do the dancing time with them too

OP posts:

mathanxiety · 29/03/2012 18:37

Regular teacher is phoning it in.

mathanxiety · 29/03/2012 18:38

Wonder why she took the day off right before break? Could she not fit in whatever it was when school was out?

knowitallstrikesagain · 29/03/2012 18:40

Have I missed something? Has the teacher opted out of school to do shopping or something? Or is it possible she is ill?

ilovesooty · 29/03/2012 18:41

Oh, perhaps if she's ill some people expect her to fit that into the holidays as well.

Original poster

Northernlurker · 29/03/2012 18:52

I have no idea why she wasn't there. I assumed the class was covered because she had other responsibilities but maybe she is ill? No idea. I was just pathetically pleased for dd to have somebody else - which kind of freaked me out tbh because that is definately not how I should be feeling!

OP posts:

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 29/03/2012 18:55

Could have been a funeral, a hospital appointment or anything really!

dd was badly behaved, and it was in order for them to tell you so - I don't think there's a problem here really.

Longtalljosie · 29/03/2012 20:30

Well it's possible she was also feeling ill yesterday and therefore was more snappy than she would otherwise be. In fact I think that's the most likely explanation.

Still think her behaviour re. the split intake is deeply unimpressive.

slacklucy · 29/03/2012 20:33

you dont need to do anything other than tell your daughter not to be rude to teachers & then she wont ge ttold off.

ariadne1 · 29/03/2012 22:06

I'm going to go against the grain here.Talking when the teacher was telling a story-no big deal.To say 'no' to the teacher when asked to stop and again when asked to move is really very cheeky and disrespectful.I have helped in a reception class for many tears and it is not usual and normally it is only the very spoiled badly behaved children who would do it.

Longtalljosie · 29/03/2012 22:29

Well, this child is not spoiled or badly behaved, I can tell you that for nothing.

letseatgrandma · 30/03/2012 18:05

Well, this child is not spoiled or badly behaved, I can tell you that for nothing

Well I think being rude to an adult is pretty badly behaved!

Redhairmum · 30/03/2012 19:50

Am a teacher, have spent all morning talking to parents who want to be told personally about everything..... then complain when they are informed. What would you like the teacher to do instead of this?

slacklucy · 30/03/2012 21:07

Redhairmum - you cant win really can you.

AllotmentLottie · 30/03/2012 21:48

Saying "no" twice to a teacher is not OK.

You should give your child every sympathy for how hard it is to learn the rules / be hot / want to say something, etc, but also support the school. My children at this age would have been made (by me) to write a note or draw a picture of apology.

I would sympathise in a "oh gosh, I bet it was so exciting to see a book you knew, what a shame it was the wrong time to talk" kind of way. But I would also underline that point blank saying no to a teacher is not alright.

Be grateful the teacher has told you, this gives a chance to work together in partnership. The other stuff, e.g. re intake, is all worth keeping an eye on, but I am not sure it alters what is the right thing to do in this particular instance.

Original poster

Northernlurker · 30/03/2012 21:57

I'm impressed by how many of you have young children who don't ever say 'no' when told to do something they don't want to do. Bravo all round.

For the record, as some people have missed this in my posts, I backed the school up and spoke to dd about her beahviour.

The teacher was absent again today so I think she must be unwell. Either my evil child has driven her to drink or she has a bug and was already feeling ill on Wednesday. We'll see how next term goes. Dd really enjoyed today's school trip anyway

OP posts:

Oakmaiden · 30/03/2012 22:33

Northern - don't take it to heart. I am sure EVERYONE on here whose child is over the age of 5 has done something wrong more than once - even if it is not saying "No" to someone.

It is "bad behaviour" to be nipped in the bud, but hardly evidence that your child is any different from any other child. And the teacher dealt with it, and you discussed it with your child, and I really wouldn't worry about it any further. Or about posters here who take one incident (which is almost certainly atypical, or you wouldn't have posted about it) and make huge assumptions about everything based on that incident.

Glad your daughter is feeling happier about school again.

AllotmentLottie · 31/03/2012 09:12

God, my children have certainly done it. That is why I know what I would do!

DD not only got told off for similar but then laughed!!

Dustinthewind · 31/03/2012 09:24

I had a very worried daddy ask me for an appointment after school, to discuss his delightful PFB DD.
He wondered whether she ought to see an Ed Psych or have counselling, which mystified me. Turned out that he'd asked to go with him to clean out her pet rabbit and she'd said 'No, not now, I'm busy' She was watching TV.
She was 6. She had never said no to her daddy before and the poor man was traumatised. I had to tell him that she was perfectly normal, and this was only the beginning.
She's now an adorable young woman who got stunning A level results and is in her first year at UCL. But she said no a lot more in those intervening years.

slovenlydotcom · 31/03/2012 09:45

my children do not say no to the teachers- thanks for the bravo.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 24 25