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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think dd's teacher was maybe over-reacting a tad?

622 replies

Northernlurker · 28/03/2012 18:15

Apparently dd has been 'very rude' today as per the message from teacher via after school club. Very rude consists of not listening to story but talking to friends and then saying 'no' when told to stop and 'no' when told to move. Now I agree this is very rude and the teacher obviously dealt with it at length because dd was in floods of tears when collected by after school club. I have spoken to dd and she was talking because the book was one we have at home and she was telling her friends as much. At the end of a hot day, at the end of term her attention is shot to pieces as is that of most of the other kids. AIBU to think that a message home about this infraction was overkill. She didn't get a warning, she didn't get a timeout - and really what am i supposed to do about this? i speak to dd about her day every day. i am clear about what is expected but seeing as she's a stubborn 4 who has been at school less than a term i don't expect miracles. Frankly impressed we've got this far.

Or should I be grovelling tomorrow?

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 05/04/2012 19:26

The sticker system always means that the badly behaved come out with masses of stickers for doing what they should be doing anyway and those who don't need bribing miss out

I wouldn't say always , but I think it happens more often than not. I had pupils openly wonder what the point of compying with school expectations was when they saw their meagre haul of merits compared with the known disruptives who got pages of merits for sitting still for five minutes. It wasn't about "catching pupils being good"(as Maths mentions) for them. They behaved quietly and cooperatively all the time and felt their efforts went unrecognised.

gafhyb · 05/04/2012 19:29

I haven't noticed this, but at out school they get class gold coins as well as individual "stars"

mathanxiety · 05/04/2012 19:34

'...it sounds very American.'
Reason and rationality gone out the window it seems.

'why should we be thanking DCs for what they should be doing anyway?'
Have you done any courses on child development or child psychology or would that be too American for you?
Have you ever heard of positive reinforcement? Catching children being good?
Have you ever potty trained a child?

Would you still have the chip on your shoulder about chatty children if you, the quiet child, had seen your quietness and co-operation acknowledged and publicly appreciated back when you were four? Would you still be so willing to take out the frustration you felt back then on small children today?

gafhyb · 05/04/2012 19:38

I wouldn't talk too much about reason and rationality, when much of your posting, especially latterly has been based on wild exaggeration and conjecture

mathanxiety · 05/04/2012 19:42

May I take it that no-one else has anything to say on the subject of smacking?

Floggingmolly · 05/04/2012 19:48

Would you still be so willing to take out the frustration you felt back then on small children today?
Math. You are seriously out of order there Hmm. And yes, despite not being privy to your quack psychology we have indeed all managed to potty train our toddlers. Mind you, I daresay we've done it so wrong the next generation will need years of therapy to recover. Let's hope their therapists are more qualified than you appear to be.

mathanxiety · 05/04/2012 19:48

'Quite possibly the DC in OP was simply tired! Tired DCs cry easily.'

Quite possibly (assuming your assumption is correct, though you know how dangerous it is on this thread to make too many assumptions) the teacher should have worked that out before she decided to reprimand a four year old child for normal four year old child behaviour at the end of a long, hot day when a child could be expected to be tired. Children who are tired are inclined to forget stuff like 'talk at your own peril'.

I feel we have covered this ground before.

(Gafhyb -- please note that though ExoticFruits could not possibly know for sure if the child was tired she is willing to make that assumption and also to imply that it was because of tiredness above any other factor that the child cried).

gafhyb · 05/04/2012 19:50

Yes, sorry. I forgot our assumptions are crao and your are spot on. I thought it was an equal playing-field, assumptions-wise.

gafhyb · 05/04/2012 19:51

crap not crao

gafhyb · 05/04/2012 19:54

She was told off for saying NO, twice

If you look back at the OP, even NL has no problem with that.

You have managed to drive the OP from her own thread with your misguided supprt and hectoring tone

mathanxiety · 05/04/2012 19:54

I disagree FloggingMolly.

EF has made several remarks to the effect that she found the spectacle of 'misbehaving' children getting attention and even rewarded in a backhanded way for misbehaviour frustrating because she as a quiet and co-operative child got no acknowledgement for her effort. If that still rankles all these years later then it is safe to assume that that frustration is still there.

Did you use praise when you potty trained your children? How did they respond to praise if so?

mathanxiety · 05/04/2012 19:58

'I thought it was an equal playing-field, assumptions-wise'

So did I. Hence my remark. But apparently my assumptions are not to be entertained on the grounds that they are assumptions (or should I say 'wild exaggeration and conjecture') while the assumptions of others are perfectly reasonable because you agree with them...

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 05/04/2012 19:59
mathanxiety · 05/04/2012 20:00

'You have managed to drive the OP from her own thread with your misguided supprt and hectoring tone'

You are assuming the OP isn't packing for an Easter getaway?
You are assuming none of her children are sick and needing her attention?
You are assuming her computer didn't crash?

mathanxiety · 05/04/2012 20:03

I have to admit this is a lot more fun than my usual routine of sitting under rainbows making daisy chains..

MissAnnersley · 05/04/2012 20:04

I am assuming that the OP is probably wishing she had never started the thread.

It has gone wildly off topic, and not in a good way.

exoticfruits · 05/04/2012 22:24

EF has made several remarks to the effect that she found the spectacle of 'misbehaving' children getting attention and even rewarded in a backhanded way for misbehaviour frustrating because she as a quiet and co-operative child got no acknowledgement for her effort. If that still rankles all these years later then it is safe to assume that that frustration is still there.

Good grief-this is another statement that leaves me speechless. I have rarely read such drivel and will have to hide the thread. There are statements since my last post that I can't be bothered to even reply to. It is also the first thread where I have ever reported a post and had it deleted.
OP seems to have had the good sense to go ages ago.

gafhyb · 05/04/2012 22:27

Miss - no, none of us looks good

Math - shall we just stop now, please?

exoticfruits · 05/04/2012 22:29

I think that we should all just stop. Maths is just having fun spouting nonsense.

gafhyb · 05/04/2012 22:30

yes

f I come back to this thread, someone please slap me

clareloup · 05/04/2012 23:34

It is ok to cry isn't it?? mathanxiety-you make me want to cry everytime you comment, but that's ok, it is a normal human reaction.

LeQueen · 06/04/2012 12:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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