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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why you'd have a child and then leave it for 5 days a week

236 replies

incredulousonlooker · 28/03/2012 12:29

and I don't mean leave it in a nursery while you're at work type thing.
I mean actually LEAVE it on a Sunday night and come back on Friday.

She's only 4 months old ffs. It seems very wrong to me.

OP posts:
tanfastic · 28/03/2012 12:31

Maybe they needed a break?

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 28/03/2012 12:31

Just the once or a regular thing?

If it's a one off then YABVU! Just because you have a baby doesnt mean you have to spend every waking hour with them till they're 16 you know!

Sirzy · 28/03/2012 12:31

All the time or occasionally? For work or pleasure?

valiumredhead · 28/03/2012 12:32

Who are you talking about?

Pollykitten · 28/03/2012 12:32

YABU

redskyatnight · 28/03/2012 12:33

DH does this regularly.
In our case we call it "part of his job".

BusinessTrills · 28/03/2012 12:33

A part-time child sounds a lot better than having one full-time, actually.

YABU because you are not really asking if you are being unreasonable to wonder, you are inviting people to discuss it.

Original poster
incredulousonlooker · 28/03/2012 12:33

All the time, every week

OP posts:
exexpat · 28/03/2012 12:34

So one parent is working away and leaving the child all week with the other parent? Not ideal, but sometimes jobs are like that.

Or am I right in assuming you find it so wrong because it is the mother working away not the father?

I've also known people (not in this country) who have had to leave a child all week with grandparents - even less ideal, but if it works for them...

TroublesomeEx · 28/03/2012 12:34

Um it depends...

In the house on its own while the parents go on a drug/alcohol fuelled bender - YANBU.

With loving grandparents who have considerately offered to look after it for a week whilst parent have a short break away which will include attending a wedding and will be your only holiday away this year because there are some health issues with the baby and the parents know that the next 12 months (minimum) will be a rollercoaster of hospital appointments, tests and assessments - YABU.

Somewhere between the two....

Well I wouldn't have done it but a baby is around for a very long time and, as long as the baby is safe and well cared for, as is often the case, it's none of your business.

TroublesomeEx · 28/03/2012 12:35

Is this your partner you're talking about?

tanfastic · 28/03/2012 12:35

We need some more info op!

OTheHugeManatee · 28/03/2012 12:36

Need more information.

Where is s/he storing the child? Grandparents? Suspended animation? Cryogenic unit? Are both parents going away? Are we sure the child is not actually a child-like houseplant that only needs watering once a week? Why the departure for 5 days every week?

Original poster
incredulousonlooker · 28/03/2012 12:36

BusinessTrills I take your point and yes I am! Though certain people in my... circle... seem to think it's entirely reasonable and I would like to know if they secretly think it's not but don't want to voice it. So for that reason I posted to see what concensus was.

Anyway don't you all love a good judgy bitch on here??

Agreed once in a while is of course not unreasonable, but this is a permanent arrangement.

OP posts:
lou2321 · 28/03/2012 12:36

I think a one off is fine, sometimes you need a break, I personally couldn't do it every week though (for work or pleasure) or neither could my DH as we wouldn't want to be away that long from each other or the DCs.

It does depend on the circumstances though, if it is the only job the person could get etc then what could they do?

Each to their own I guess, as long as one of the parents is around then the baby has some stability.

Greythorne · 28/03/2012 12:36

Every week as a matter of routine: YANBU

Original poster
incredulousonlooker · 28/03/2012 12:38

One parent (mother) is working away. Father "cannot be trusted" (read: cannot be arsed) and so child is with maternal GPs.

The child could've gone with the mother but it suits mother better not to take her.

OP posts:
larks35 · 28/03/2012 12:38

I assume this is for work then. TBH I just feel a bit sorry for any parent who has to do this for their job. The child won't suffer but must be hard for absent parent. Saying that, I'll be back at work full-time when my DC2 is 4mo and I am not looking forward to the hectic mornings getting the DC sorted for pre-school and CM before going off to do a full days work. Working away could have it's benefits!

lou2321 · 28/03/2012 12:38

x posts with OP.

trouble is if you have a good bitch on MN you get shot down very quickly so sometimes its best not to!

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 28/03/2012 12:39

I have to leave mine for 1 week in April, last time I left her it was for 1 week in January. It is part of my job. She is well looked after (dh & grandparents). I know she misses me but we can't afford to only have one income.

YABU

lou2321 · 28/03/2012 12:40

I personally would do everything possible not to have to work away but some people really have no choice, especially with redundancies happening so often at the moment!

nickelhasababy · 28/03/2012 12:40

i wouldn't be so sad if it were 1 parent working and the other looking after it (whichever way round that might be)
but leaving it with grandparents when there's another parent isn't right.

knowitallstrikesagain · 28/03/2012 12:40

I take it you think nobody in the forces should have children?

Or anyone who has to take a job away from home in order to support their family?

This is all based on my assumption that the person leaving the child as you put it is going to work. If they are going to a spa each week, it is different.

Please clarify why they are away.

YABU

Proudnscary · 28/03/2012 12:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

nickelhasababy · 28/03/2012 12:41

"incredulousonlooker Wed 28-Mar-12 12:38:14

One parent (mother) is working away. Father "cannot be trusted" (read: cannot be arsed) and so child is with maternal GPs.

The child could've gone with the mother but it suits mother better not to take her."

i hope they're x-posts below it

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