to wonder why you'd have a child and then leave it for 5 days a week

[incredulousonlooker]

and I don't mean leave it in a nursery while you're at work type thing.
I mean actually LEAVE it on a Sunday night and come back on Friday.

She's only 4 months old ffs. It seems very wrong to me.

why should a father who cannot be arsed/trusted be forced to look after the baby if the GP's are willing and capable carers? Isn't it better for the baby to be looked after by caring relatives than a father who doesn't care and may be doing a crap job? Obviously it would be best if the mum or dad looks after the baby but if the GP's are doing a better job then that's better for baby. It's also better than a reluctant father sticking the baby in childcare.

but why does the OP care so much, why is it such a big deal?!? Babies get parented a million different ways by a million different people, why the fuss if it's not your baby, or is the OP the father?

What kind of man can't be trusted with his own child? Am I being hopelessly niave? I can understand that a career in the forces may mean that parents have to compromise on how they care for their child and I don't judge that. But I can't get my head round how a parent who could be involved in day to day care would just say too hard and walk off.

Agree Maria. And I can't understand why a woman would want to stay with a man who couldn't be bothered or couldn't be trusted to look after his own child. If this mum was a single mum I could understand this set up, but she is not.

And as Trois said upthread, this kind of set up would not be sanctioned for a child in care.

the child is with grandparents. loving family. whyu is that worse than leaving the child in caycare all day and only seeing him/her for an hour in the evening? surely it is bette to be with loving family?

also it may have only just come to light how useless the father is... I certasinly did not know that the children's dad would be so useless until he did things to show that.

Why can child not be with GPs during day and father at night?
And if your children's dad was so useless that you could not leave his children alone with him, did you stay with him?

I've been waiting to post this, about the failings of a demon - sums up the general flavour of MN at the moment:

"He rather liked people. It was a major failing in a demon.
Oh, he did his best to make their short lives miserable, because that was his job, but nothing he could think up was half as bad as the stuff they thought up themselves. They seemed to have a talent for it. It was built into the design, somehow. They were born into a world that was against them in a thousand little ways, and then devoted most of their energies to making it worse."

Good Omens by Neill Gaiman & Terry Pratchett

Blimey... imagine a female demon?

My dp works away for 2 weeks at a time when required, we need his income though and there are not many jobs round here, he hates it but works long hours when home anyway, I work from home so they stay with me, not all parents can get a job that's at home all the time.

if the parents and GP's and baby are all happy with the arrangement then it's not ideal but not wrong.

OP doesn't have or doesn't give enough information about the baby's father to make any judgements. He may not have parental rights, he may be violent, he may be neglectful..... leave the baby with loving, caring GP's and let them all get on with it.

"is it really that different to the WOHPs that dress the baby, drop it off at the CM's/nursery/grandparents at 7.30, pick the baby up at 6.30, take it home and put it to bed? They probably get 20mins/half an hour after work together... the difference really isn't that significant.""

NOT TRUE!!!! i resent the assumption that FT working partents dont see their kids in the week! Mine go to bed very late, we have oodles of qualioty time. In fact I am almost looking forward to when they go a bit earlier once school starts

Its a shit scenario, shit parenting and I would not approve either TBH

Why do you care, if the situation is working for them and they are all happy?

MQ's are all very well but often they still mean a family living apart. DH or DW goes away for weeks or months at a time, partner and children are left behind, often in a town where they have no family support or help.

My DH will be changing bases three times this year and he is only in the country for 22 weeks in total and those 22 weeks are not even all together. He's been abroad once already, he goes abroad again later this year and gets back towards the end of the year. We cannot go with him then and to follow him three times in one year for the few weeks he is in the country would mean we moved house three times this year, if we were allowed to because of the short durations he will be based at each of them. And when he's on board there are no MQ's so we would be left behind anyway.

At least this way we have family support nearby and DH is still a better father than many men who are with their families full time. I agree that I wouldn't be happy if we both were away from DS all week but if this family are happy and everything is working out for them then I wouldn't call it wrong. It's just not what I would choose to do.