To be unsurprised that so many women get post natal depression?

[toptramp]

My late mum had post natal depression after a horrendous birth during which she almost died. Couple that with the shock of becoming a new mum and the general lack of staus that society offers mums (especially single mums like me) and I am not surprised that so many of us get so down. It is a wonderful time but it also so tough. What can be done about it?
My birth wasn't great (I had a c-section)and I did it without a dp yet I didn't get pnd like my mum did. I did get the shock of my life mixed with a lot of love!

One of the problems with the Edinburgh test thing (can't remember the official name) is that one of the questions lumps self-harm, suicidal ideation and thoughts/wanting to harm the baby in to one. They aren't the same and no way would I tick the box to say I felt ANY of those things as then you have a paper trail saying you wanted to hurt your child when in fact you felt suicidal!

Also, by saying I was strong when I didn't kill myself doesn't mean that I think those who did/have tried/completed suicide are weak. Sometimes when you are depressed suicide is like gravity, inescapable and inevitable, and there is only so many times you can jump in an effort to pretend that gravity isn't there before you get tired from all the jumping. Not a great analogy I know! I certainly don't think anyone is weak as sometimes suicide feels like the only thing left to ease your pain and make life better for everyone else around you. Hope I didn't upset anyone.

LittleWhiteMice are you getting any support at all? Where are you, can I help?

I'm actually wondering how trois managed to get pregnant, what with just having a baby, and going back to work full time, in the city, no less.

I am very annoyed at being deleted.

I am very annoyed at being deleted.

I'm beyond annoyed that loads of the responses to Trois disgusting post have been deleted but not the post itself. If someone is allowed to make statements like than then the frank responses shouldn't be censored.

'Some people are weak, some get on with life.'

'I didnt get PND - I got up and got on with life. Some people cope, some don't'

Leaving that up is an insult to anyone who has suffered/is suffering with mental health problems.

PND = weakness, mental health issues = weakness. Really? What a very depressing attitude, and from one woman to another, no less. Right on sister

Surely Message deleted for pointing out ignorant bigotry would have been more accurate? Or Message deleted for calling a spade a spade.

Anyhoo I once got deleted for saying someone was "being a bit of a nit wit"

The Talk Guidelines don't mean shit when unprovoked thousand word personal attacks on a poster are allowed to stand because they don't contain swearing but do rubbish a poster's credibility or would be libellous if we were using our real names. They don't mean shit when protected groups can be attacked with hate speak. They don't mean shit when behaviour cannot be challenged. However in this case my posts probably did breach guidelines so I'll suck it up and be grateful I did not write the tripe contained in the second post on this thread.

lol@nitwit

I have been unspeakably rude to people many times over th eyears on MN and have never been deleted. What am I doing wrong, MNHQ?

arse, bum, willy etc

Tell Trois she's being a bit of a nit wit. That'll do it

I agree with the OP that it is actually no surprise, my feelings from my own experience are that a lot of fuss is made immediately after the birth then just as hormones come crashing down, most people disappear, by this I mean paternity leave ends, family return to their lives and you are left.

The isolation compounds everything else that's going on, a huge desperate love for your baby, wanting the world to be perfect for them, knowing it's not going to be, reliving experiences from your own life, re-examining other relationships. The whole world is turmoil.

For me, I got prescribed anti-depressants pretty quickly but this wasn't what I needed. A lovely HV sat with me, let me talk, listened, let me cry, didn't try to make things "right" but enabled me let my emotions out. It took one talk with her and I felt able to move on.

More time from people who understand and less medication, that would be my prescription. Let new parents talk and work through what they are going through.

I don't mind being deleted for telling someone to fuck off - which I have done on 2/3 occasions over the years - but this one annoys me.

I just remembered something my psychiatrist said " If you could just get on with it you would.' Says it all really.

well ive been pretty weak since having dc3. Awfully weak at times.

people with PND generally still get up and get on with things. Just with misery and anxiety.

Whos stronger now

Hey! - I'm fed up I got deleted. By all means delete the bit that said f**k off but the second part was "so that the rest of us can have a sensible conversation". As it now stands the first page of this thread is a highly offensive and misguided comment by one person. And the strength of feeling from other people which highlight what a thoughtless and incorrect comment was made has all been deleted.

No-one who hasnt had the misfortune of suffering with depression of any kind could know or understand the horrific all encompassing nature of the illness. I breezed through my first baby and then suffered depression after my second. I was on my knees with exhaustion and then very suddenly was struck by an illness that I can only akin to hell on earth-I cant even bear to remember those dark hopeless days. OP I agree it is no surprise that people get ill after babies the exhaustion and hormones certainly play a part. To the others who feel it is a weakness I sincerely hope you never have to suffer the horrors of depression-it takes every ounce of strength you have to simply live and breathe day to day-it is a nasty horrid illness and usually a chemical imbalance with no consideration for weakness or strength.

Exactly valium. When I was depressed I had a few comments along the lines of "you need to look on the bright side" and other such bullshit. Did they honestly think I was choosing to feel the way I did? Do they really believe that if someone actually relishes feeling suicidal and chooses not to feel happy? It is just totally and utterly nonsensical and yet seemingly normal people seem to think that all a depressed person needs to do is to "pull themselves together." How can they possibly justify such a ridiculous viewpoint?

That should say "Do they really believe that someone actually relishes feeling suicidal" no if

I also found a misunderstanding of what PND actually is - someone even said to me "don't worry, you will grow to love your baby".

Grow to love her?? Everything that was wrong was because I felt I wasn't good enough for her, that she would be better off without me because I wasn't worthy to care for her. I can still feel the desperation of it all.

I am a stronger person for having had PND, no doubt. Delete away, but I also think trois can fuck the hell off.

Although I didn't have pnd, I have massive sympathy for anyone that does. Having a baby is meant to be the most joyous event in your life, and if you aren't feeling that, but also feeling you need to put a brave face on it and 'get on with it' so you don't appear 'weak' must be the worst thing in the world.

I don't know what causes it, I personally think it is lots of different things, e.g. chemical imbalances and hormones, lack of sleep, lack of support, etc. I think the main thing is that people are allowed to speak about it openly and not be judged otherwise people will be too scared to ask for help?

labrador your comment on having to cope and smile on the outside whilst planning suicide in your mind brought tears to my eyes...depression is such a bugger it just takes over your every thought-my parents were fab and used to let me come and sleep during the day at their house when times were bad-there was no chance of sleep though as my brain would not shut up and I hated to be alone with my thoughts so I was reduced to a pathetic child-like state begging my mum to sit on the bed and listen to my incessant soul searching...I shiver to even think about those days-thank god I am better.

KatieMiddleton thank you for that yesterday evening! I'm not too surprised that trois hasn't been back either...