To be unsurprised that so many women get post natal depression?

[toptramp]

My late mum had post natal depression after a horrendous birth during which she almost died. Couple that with the shock of becoming a new mum and the general lack of staus that society offers mums (especially single mums like me) and I am not surprised that so many of us get so down. It is a wonderful time but it also so tough. What can be done about it?
My birth wasn't great (I had a c-section)and I did it without a dp yet I didn't get pnd like my mum did. I did get the shock of my life mixed with a lot of love!

Just wanted to say I had the opposite experience with bf. I didn't have to think about bottles and sterilising and hot and cold flasks. It helped me bond with my DS, snuggling up for skin to skin every 3 hours for six months. No matter how awful he was being, the lovely tranquility when he fed, the snuggles in bed at night kept me going :) plus the pride in myself was invaluable,

My DS was early, and unable to latch, suck or swallow. I spent a week in hospital trying to get him to bf. Then my nipples got shredded, so I had to express every 3 hours for 8 weeks, he still couldn't latch. Then one day it clicked, and I'm still bf at 28 weeks :) bf helped my PND enormously, made me realise my strength to come through everything awful that can happen when bf, and still manage it 6 months later.

True BTP -I think the most upsetting thing about Trois post, though, is that its because of attitudes just like that that people suffer in silence.

The thing that really annoys me about the 'self policing' argument is that if somebody wrote something homophobic, racist or disablist it would, quite rightly, be removed but those of us who have/have had a mental illness are fair game. I think it's quite discriminatory to be honest and it makes me really cross.

With the feeding I felt torn in 2. With BF I felt unbelievably trapped and stifled and yet when I switched to FF I felt like a complete failure.

Also, if I wrote a comment saying a certain parenting guru who knows feck all likes to strap babies to rocket launchers etc etc it would be deleted immediately.

Why is depression any less of a disability because it's a disability in your brain any more than a physical disability?

This goes on far too much on MN. Im going to get in touch with Mind in the morning and find out what they think about comments like and wether hq are being discriminatory in allowing them to stand.

I think MNHQ are very purposely hanging troisgarcons out to dry by leaving her comments up there, quite honestly.

The 100% united strength of feeling against her by all of us, mothers from all walks of life, some (most, it would sadly seem?) having suffered from PND, some not shows that this is a place to come and get support, empathy, help and practical advice.

Attitudes like trois' do exist sadly, but the fact that they have been refuted so categorically by every single person on this thread has been good in a bigger-picture sort of way.

I know how hurtful it is to see her words in black and white, but maybe it is good that they have been left, she has been exposed, and the strength of feeling against her words has been so unanimous. It is here more than anywhere that you will find people who will understand what you've been through.

I personally think an apology should be demanded from troisgarcons.
I'm thinking of starting a thread about it.
Would that be stupid, though? Thoughts?

The sad thing is, Jacks I think if you did that the thread would be pulled.

And Trois is bound to know this thread is still here and she's not come on here to apologise so she'd hardly come on a new thread.

I understand BTP and I apologise if my previous comments came across as patronising, that wasn't my intention.

I also think the strong reaction is entirely understandable. The comments aren't just silly, they are actually harmful and damaging.

I'm very pleased they are being challenged so robustly.

I think this thread demonstates exactly what most mumsnetters think and feel about troisgarcons' comments

She talks about "Weak" people...well what is "weak" exactly? And even if you judged certain people to be "weak", well wouldn't that make you want to help them rather than to feel smugly that you are better then the weak and that they get what they deserve?

You don't have to have experienced PND yourself to be outraged at these comments - I haven't had it but I certainly don't think it's due to "weakness". And if "strength" is being like 3garcons then give me weakness anyday.

Have only read some of this thread

But I am not surprised that so many women get Pnd. It surprises me that so few talk about it though.

I had it after birth of ds. He was very much wanted and loved but it was all too much and I really was not coping at all. It wasn't diagnosed until 5 months after the birth. In the meantime family told me to pull myself together and I put on a face in public to mask true feelings mood.

I do however think I am prone to depression as when my dm was seriously ill, the same feelings arose again.

I do wish it wasnt such a stigma attached to it. Yes you are supposed to be happy excited but it can be the most trying soul destroying time also.

I was trying to think how to word my post in regards to trois comment but Beertricks is the closest I could get. There's IS no denying that PND exists and believe me I have every empathy with anyone who has suffered this horrific illness. However, as much as I dislike trois's comments, I cannot deny that, from what has been described, trois has also had some terrible terrible things to cope with. I don't know, her view is possibly a way of coping, getting through her own personal tragedy. It possibly hasn't come across how she thought it might. Yes, i know there are harsh and INCORRECT sentiments in the post.......but I have sympathy also. If that makes me a cunt in everyone's eyes, so be it.

For my own experience, I am 99% sure I had PND but also did not seek help. This was based on a truly bad depressive episode the year before where I was hospitalised. horrendous birth, 4th degree tear (4 subsequent operations to fix it, no sex for two years as not physically or mentally possible) The counselling I received was utter shit and I didn't return. I couldn't face going to the GP and decided to try and cope on my own.

Much like LeQueen to all intents and purposes I was coping but inside I was a wreck. I desperatly hid it from my DH/relatives as I had put them through so much worry the year before. But I felt like a zombie, a sham. LeQueen i did similar regarding counting only mine was the years before he left home at 18 I did it in blocks of 2, so on his 2nd birthday I was thinking "riiight, that only leaves 8 more sets of 2 years to go....". I feel awful for admitting that. It took me another two years to bond with my son.

It is an illness. It is not based on a "weak" or "strong" constitution. Wealth does not come into it. Family support does not come into it. It is a bastard.

I had depression after my divorce (didn't get PND though) and I found Neuro Linguistic Programming helped tremendously. I'd been to relate, was on AD's and was willing to try anything. After three NLP sessions it felt like a weight had lifted and I now recognise my 'triggers' and can try to guard against disappearing into the black hole. I don't know completely how it works, just that it did for me. Worth recommending to anyone with any form of depression IMO.

Ah well. Shan't bother then. Don't need more stress, anyway.