To be unsurprised that so many women get post natal depression?

[toptramp]

My late mum had post natal depression after a horrendous birth during which she almost died. Couple that with the shock of becoming a new mum and the general lack of staus that society offers mums (especially single mums like me) and I am not surprised that so many of us get so down. It is a wonderful time but it also so tough. What can be done about it?
My birth wasn't great (I had a c-section)and I did it without a dp yet I didn't get pnd like my mum did. I did get the shock of my life mixed with a lot of love!

I would have been too control

LeQueen I totally agree. Also, for me, I have always been a cheerful :), optimstic person who rolled with whatever life threw at me. So I wasn't really prepared for the deep terror that comes with being so wholly responsible and in love with such a fragile little thing.

Before, I had the assurance that whatever happened, I would live, I would be okay. But I knew the second I saw him that the person I am now would never survive if anything happened to my son. I would be a walking ghost the rest of my days.

And that is a scary thing to face, really. It knocked me for six and then some.

I had PND on both of my kids I am too scared of having any more dc because I know I will get it again and don't want to go to that dark place again.

I am not weak or am not stronger for going through PND

OMG LeQueen just read your second post. BFing was the same for me...it made it impossible, just for me personally to get into a schedule or really leave the house, which I desperately needed to do.

When I started FFing I could do both of those things, as well as take ADs without waking in the night in a cold sweat of paranoia that they were hurting my baby through my milk.

LeQueen - thanks for posting about that - really interesting.

I think the 'not good enough' and 'not loving enough' undertone behind the criticism of ffeeding is quite damaging.

Saying breast is best is fine but if health professionals and other mothers could just be a bit less strident and judgemental about formula feeding, I think that would help some women feel less useless and not good enough

Depression is an illness. Would you say to someone with a broken leg that they just had to "get on with" that marathon run?

Blimey LeQueen just read your post,that is exactly what happened to me.My thread is waaaaay down the thread with my looooong list of stress shite in the years to PND all of which I sailed through. When I had dd(3rd much longed for baby in 15 months) the bfing tipped me over the edge.1st time in my whole life.Seriously I'm tough as nails normally.

I felt so suffocated with the bf,just wanted to claw her off.I had a pushy hv too.I just needed to get out and get her off me.Interestingly with the dtwins a year previous the hv was much better,she ordered me to crack open the f tin to top up,and to get out as she was concerned about them(and me) and I rode through it far easier.Bf drowned me,dd ended up in SCBU too.The twins didn't.

Goodness me, read one post and my jaw dropped.

Had a breakdown with psychotic episodes following my son's birth and was eventually diagnosed with PND, clinical depression and generalised anxiety disorder.

I was anything but weak, I survived a difficult childhood with abuse, alcoholism and domestic violence. I've been raped, physically assaulted and put into hospital, and bullied. I cope with arthritis and kidney problems, chronic pain and fatigue, being a single mum and was able to get through a pregnancy in a wheelchair with a toddler.

I am anything but weak; pregnancy and childbirth, then the ensuing sleep deprivation and emotional trauma are more than enough to take a very strong person and make them ill. Some families have a tendency to mental illness that is genetic, my own family has personality disorders/bipolar disorder running through it at all levels, distantly removed and remarkably similar.

Things may seem to become more prevalent, but that is not because most people are labelled wrongly, but because health care providers become more knowledgeable about and able to diagnose problems like this. Even if someone is just "a bit down" labelling them as weak isn't likely to help, depression runs on a (varying from individual to individual) spectrum and you belittling someone is only pushing them further down.

Tsk!

snapsnap - I agree. I find I still have an emotional reaction to BF/FF debates, 11 years on, despite what my head tell me, because failing to BF, and failing to have a "normal" birth were a big part of making me feel bad

trois Are you, in fact, Tom Cruise?????

1 in 3 of us will experience mental health issues in our lifetime You may still have the experience to come, trois. I hope not, but if you do I hope that you are not around people who think like you do now.

It's odd though as I had 2 c/ss which I wanted,at the time I was upset about the c/s or the bf in the slightest.One I wanted the other I loathed.It was the suffocation of bf that got me down(and obviously the sheer strain of trhe previous 7 years and sleep deprivation.

I had pills,therapy and went on a fab course.The course worked,the pills did nothing.Not sure about the therapy.The course was brilliant in that it made you see that you weren't crap, mothering is bloody hard work/stressful,a whole lot of other women feel the same and the need to value you and look after yourself.

If anybody is suffering I don't know what it was called but it ran for weeks,involved partners,had a free creche.Your hv may know.

wasn't

OP I will go back and read the rest of the thread, but I am so angry and actually quite upset at about the first post that troisgarcons made that I feel the need to comment. I'm sorry if it's moved on since then. trois it is really very harsh and unfair to say 'some people cope, some don't'. I have always been one of life's 'copers', however, since having my son last year I have been diagnosed with both PND and PTSD. It's not a case of getting up and coping with it or not. It does not make me weak. It is because I had a fucking horrendous time having my son and it has profoundly affected me. I'm officially awarding you my first but only because there isn't a [really fucking angry and pissed off] emoticon. It's because of you that people like me do not tell others that they need help and work themselves into an even worse state than they were in to start with. You should really be ashamed of your post. It will hurt and anger a lot of people in a vulnerable place.

I agree with the OP. Especially with first borns as a lot of women have candyfloss ideas about having babies and have no idea how hard it is. I also have to say unrealistic ideals placed on women re BF and natural birth are setting women up for failure. Most people want to BF and are unable to do so for a long time. Plus with natural births, well after I told my parents I wanted to use a birthing pool at the local hospital, my dad looked up what % actually do that at this hospital - it was 4%! I mean yes it's possible but no one told me that my birth plan was a basically a pipe dream. My dad only mentioned this once I'd had DD.

There is still a stigma with PND. God I know hundreds of mothers with kids under 2 and not one has admitted PND in person. I suspect a lot of people don't admit it to themselves and it's underdiagnosed. I think many who have it may be choosing to get back to work and use FT childcare as a means to get sanity back.

Like others I am completely stunned by troisgarcons' comments

I think this attitude betrays a massive lack of understanding and empathy for other people, all the more strange coming from someone who has had to cope with great tragedy themselves.

If the way to "cope" with traumatic situations is to belittle the experiences of others I would say that there is something deeply wrong in this way of "coping".

Troisgarcons perhaps (guessing from your name ) you don't have any dds, but if you did would you simply urge them to "pull yourself together" in the face of pnd?

You are so right Maryz, MNHQ stun me sometimes.

I reported the post by Trois.

This is the reply I received from Sandy at HQ :

"Hi hathorinareddress,

Thanks for contacting us.

We're very sorry to hear you have has so much to contend with and we can understand that this post has offended you.

We agree (we really do) that this post by troisgarcons is in very poor taste but we don't tend to delete on those grounds because it would be really hard to know where to draw the line.

The truth is, we don't think we should be the arbiters of what people should find offensive and what they shouldn't. On the whole, we think it's better to let the boards self police in these instances, as it's very rare that an offensive comment is left unchallenged and we can see that folk have done just that on this thread.

As ever, we do rely on members like you to help us monitor the boards and we'd like to reassure you that we do consider all reported posts carefully. We shall be keeping a close eye on this thread.

Best
Sandy
MNHQ"

So that's the official line on it.

I can only imagine how upsetting it must be for women currently suffering with pnd to read such nonsense.

Has Troisgrais even apologised?

TLP - nope she hasn't been back to the thread.