To HATE pop in visitors?

[Eggrules]

Family friend of in-laws has just left.

Egg Towers is in the middle of Operation Spring Clean. OH cleaning the car on the drive with DS. I was in the kitchen and had emptied the cupboards out. Been on the go since early morning but the house was a complete tip . Offered drinks, chatted and then left OH to it.

HINT: if nobody answered the phone then they are busy/out.

I always pre-arrange visits with parents, best friends etc. I enjoy having people over but my nearest and dearest know I hate pop in visitors. I think it is very rude to gatecrash and invite yourself over and expect a red carpet.

What am I missing?

Freshlettice this is exactly what happened with my sis. She knows if it is a nice day we will be in garden and will probably have a bbq/nice food on the go.

Clingons are nearly as bad as pop ins. FFS if you come for lunch then you shouldn't expect to stay for dinner and beyond. I have learnt to arrange a start and end time with my family

This is so relevant to me right now!

I have a friend (ish) in the same road who used to pop in most fridays by arrangement who has suddenly started popping in with no warning most days.

I think it's because my gorgeous boyfriend moved in 2 months ago and she just wants a good look at him!

He finds it so rude that she just turns up and expects to be let in whenever she feels like it, and so do I to be honest. She rarely did this before he moved in so why start now?

On valentines day late afternoon she rang me to ask what I was doing that evening! When I said we were having a romantic meal she said "thats no good, I wanted to pop round"

Once she popped round when he was asleep on the sofa so i said sorry, we are having a snooze could she come another time? She said "No, I'll come in now but we can sit quietly in the kitchen"

I've got myself all wound up now thinking about her!

I hate popper inners. How rude.

eggrules, I dunno, to be annoying?

Whenever she does it, we feel guilty and say 'oh we must sort out a time when we can see you properly, how about next Sunday when we can have proper lunch, sorry to have been busy' etc - I don't think dp would ever say 'please will you for fuck's sake ring ahead?'.

She didn't stay - I think it was evident there wasn't room. She didn't know I was having my family for lunch, just turned up on spec - she kept saying 'oh, I didn't even think you'd be in, I was just going to pop your present in the porch for you, please don't stop' etc, whilst at the same time not making any effort to move, or turning down the cup of tea I ovbviously had to make her. I
It was highly awkward, because my parents had arrived and obviously didn't know whether she'd been invited or not, and I was anticipating an 'Oh, hello, I didn't know you were coming today, how nice to see you' at which point she'd have to say 'oh no, I'm not invited' - awkward all round!

I hate 'popper-inners', because I am currently sporting a 'popper-outer' (my belly button, on 39+6 pregnancy bump.)

If I want to slouch around eating mini eggs with the 'popper-outer' hanging out, I do not want a 'popper-inner' wanting to hang out, while I cannot satisfactorily slouch with the 'popper-outer' also hanging out (literally). I trust that this post makes perfect sense if you are/have ever been up the duff

Ha! I am not up the duff but due to having a large baby 10 years ago I sport a fetching popper-downer if you get my drift!

If I reveal the popper-downer to the popper-inner she will probably run to the hills screaming!

hahaha, I laughed loudly at that bright and the baby flinched! So technically your popper-downer has made an unborn baby scared, as well as a popper-inner But mine is EXACTLY the same in-between pregnancies so worry thee not

brightyoungthing I hope you didn't let her in to sit in the kitchen. One of my best friends loves a pop in as much as I hate them. I explained that I loved her to bits but hate unexpected events and need her to call or arrange a visit in advance. She doesn't understand but does respect my foible.

TheOriginalSteamingNit This awkwardness is what makes me hate pop ins so much. I can't be as hospitable as I'd like.

I am notorious for hating pop ins. The first time I let people in but ask for notice. Yesterday the front door was open and it was a friend of ILs - to be fair he doesn't know I have a no pop in rule. In this case OH/ILs are responsible for making sure it doesn't happen again. If I was in on my own, I would say it wasn't convenient - especially to someone I hardly know.

I just don't answer the door if I'm not in the mood for visitors.

We haven't yet mentioned the 'middle of the film you wanted to see for X years now on TV' popper in. Most vexatious of a deeply annoying breed.

Other than close family (who can just muck in and don't need 'entertaining), I hate pop-in's too.

There's no 'horrible' or 'mean ' about it - it's a question of what you enjoy. I LOVE pop-in callers. I assume that as they are popping in they will take my house as it comes - thereby leaving me free to enjoy their company in my home without the bother of cooking or cleaning beforehand. Callers make me feel that my home is a welcoming place that people are drawn to. I love having them.

Two peas - if your popper outer needs air then don't answer the door. I found it hard to get up at this stage of pregnancy. Wave through the window and put a sign on the door.

I genuinely like hosting and cooking .... I just don't like to be told that I've got to sit and have a cup of tea and be hospitable when that wasn't my plan. I think it's staggeringly rude - but only dp's mum does it, I don't know anyone else who wouldn't text on the way.

What if we were having a massive row? What if we were actually in the middle of a meal? It's just so thoughtless, and it infuriates me when she does it.

I hate them. I like to know, so the place is tidy and I look nice & I have a freshly baked cake! Now most people have mobiles there's no excuse not to ring first to check.

I am so glad I am not alone I HATE people just dropping in. Family think it is very odd but I do like people to call first. My dad says he has to make an appointment to come round as I have been known to ignore the door and phone if they have just popped round. My parents started doing it when I had my first DS. Would just turn up at my house at 9.30am on a Sunday for a visit. The day after I had my DS my parents came round at 8am!! I'd been up all night doing feeds had just managed to get back to bed for a rest, felt rough as anything and was in no mood for any visitors. Thankfully the midwife turned up at 9.30 and we asked them to leave which they were not happy about. So everyone knows now to phone before coming round or I won't open the door.

I'm totally with most of the posters.I hate pop ins and my SIL 'd'h comes around all of the time unexpected.Wouldn't mind if he was a nice person but hes an arrogant rude show off.
I ask myself why do I let it happen?
My SIL is a nasty piece of work and they don't have people in their beautiful big house as they don't want anyone to mess it up.
The thing is I'm naturally polite(probably more of a walkover)but I'm getting sick of walked over and wanna tell em to feck off.
Also hotels have 'do not disturb' signs why don't we get them for own homes?

OP-yadnbu

YANBU. So very inconsiderate. It's probably all me, me, me with them, to hell with the other person and their convenience.

The other day a family we know from overseas tapped on our door one fine lazy Saturday afternoon. They'd been visiting the UK and were staying with friends in a town about half an hour away from us. They'd borrowed their hosts' car, found out our home address by calling someone back home, and drove up to see us - all plans made without letting us know . Even if they'd called while on the way would have been ok, not just dumped themselves on us unannounced. I was still in my pyjamas and had loads of cleaning to do, it was very difficult to make small talk while seething silently.

I hate this too.
About 4 weeks having dd3 my aunt and male cousin came to see me. I was in the middle of feeding dd1 who is 2 and dd 2 who is 4. I was in my pj's too. The room was a mess, I was a mess too and then dd 3 wanted a feed. Luckily I had some expressed milk as I was ebf ing. I was .
Is it that hard to just ring beforehand ?

Rude and inconvenient. You should always make an arrangement.

I am not keen on this at all, but since our doorbell is broken I don't know whether anyone ever tries it.

The most determined popper-inners I remember from my childhood are the ones who drove from Belgium and just rocked up at my mum and dad's house (in England).

I didn't even like popper inners when i was in the maternity ward after giving birth. It may have been ok for people to just turn up in our parents generation when the babies were parked in the nursery over night and fed by the nurse so the mum could get some sleep, but it isn't now when you have probably been feeding the baby all night/kept awake by other crying babies and are desperately trying to get some sleep while the baby naps. Just phone to ask if it is convenient for you to rock up on the maternity ward when it suits you. It may not suit the exhausted mum!