To HATE pop in visitors?

[Eggrules]

Family friend of in-laws has just left.

Egg Towers is in the middle of Operation Spring Clean. OH cleaning the car on the drive with DS. I was in the kitchen and had emptied the cupboards out. Been on the go since early morning but the house was a complete tip . Offered drinks, chatted and then left OH to it.

HINT: if nobody answered the phone then they are busy/out.

I always pre-arrange visits with parents, best friends etc. I enjoy having people over but my nearest and dearest know I hate pop in visitors. I think it is very rude to gatecrash and invite yourself over and expect a red carpet.

What am I missing?

"Seeing a friend is far more important to me than having a few crumbs on the carpet." My entire floor is covered in toys and each table covered in crap, unless we are expecting someone. So i would be embarrassed if someone turned up uninvited. If it was just a matter of a few crumbs then i wouldn't mind, although it might not be a convenient time for me.

Oh I am so on this with you OP I hate pop ins.

I dont mind if someone texts and asks if I'm available for a brew. Its either a Yay or Nay, but those people that just turn up when I'm not dressed busy really iritates me.

Oh I'm with tee. Am a misanthropic, antisocial curmudgeonly old bugger. I need at least a week's notice and even then I dread visitors. Poppers in make me very, very cross and a bit edgy.

God I hate them, they are the ones who come unannounced, just at busy times like mealtimes.

I don't think I'm inhospitable, I actually quite like having visitors - it's just that I like to choose who to invite and when, not have people just invite themselves or turn up uninvited.

YAsoNBU. It's very rude and WHY would someone do this not phoning first? Are they hoping to catch the person unawares? I have a problem with my ILs dropping in, it drives me mad, they know this and continue to do it. Ace.

The main issue I have with it is that I need to have my sociable head on, I can't just be thrown into hostess mode unfortunately, although I know some can. As a result I feel flustered and generally pissed off. I think I am a good hostess given warning and preferably if I have actually invited the people to my house!

its either my family or my closest friends who will pop in, and it doesnt bother me at all

They know me well enough to know that if I am in the middle of doing something they can make themselves and me a cup of tea and they dont care and wont judge me if my house is a shithole little untidy

I hate it - me and my husband were having a massive row when his older children phoned to say they were round the corner and could they pop in - they quite put out when we said "NO!!"

theres no excuse not to call or text just to ask. i dont mind that even if people ask can they come in 5 min, but just to turn up is rude

I agree - if you can't check first through the plethora of means available, then don't pop.

I LOVE pop in visitors! I don't care how untidy the house is, they are not coming to see the house, they are coming to see me!

i love pop inners too, take as you find, tea & cake & as much time as i have or have not.

i just say it as it is! whats the problem...

Pop inners? NO thank you! YANBU op.

I'm with you, OP. I don't mind a phone call letting me know someone will be coming around in about 30mins. I don't want people just turning up on the doorstep unannounced. There are a couple of exceptions to this but only a couple.

I love popper inners - as long as you take things as you find them. Nothing nicer than an unexpected guest imo, I always have the kettle on :)

You take me as you find me if you decide to pop in!! if the house is a mess & you don`t like you should have warned me you were coming!! if you wanted feeding while you were here, again you should of warned me you were coming & I would of sorted some thing that you like to eat if not you get what I have in or nothing!!
I have said that to certain people, in a jokey way but I got my point across!
Other than that, I love having people pop in, they just have to take me, my family, my house as they find us!!

YA'DEFINATELY'NBU!

YANBU! Give me a 5 minute warning please! Text or phone first or else you'll experience the wrath of crashdoll. Ok, not reall the wrath but I'll be inwardly quite cross.

I get very stressed when people pop in without warning. I hate it. I get anxious and can't settle until they have gone. it always put me off my day

I hate random visitors. My house is always a tip unless I actively tidy and I don't hoover for days most of the time. Visitors must think I live like a pig all of the time but it's only during daylight hours and it's not filthy.

Ahem. Just had the best unexpected caller ever!

OH and DS are poorly and I had 2 hours sleep max last night. My friend's dad brought over some curry as a complete surprise. He didn't want to come in, just dropped off mercy package and drove away.

Not technically a 'pop in' because he didn't want to come in and he brought us food rather than expecting hospitality. Made my day.

Right back to work and plan a bbq to say thanks.

Oh this is cathartic - dp's mother does it all the time and it infuriates me. She drives about 10 miles from her village, so you can't say 'sorry busy' after that drive, but she never, ever rings in advance before doing the journey. Then you have to sit around and drink tea for hours when you were in the middle of something and she just doesn't budge!

The worst was the other Sunday: just before my birthday, so had invited brother, sil, nephew, my parents and my recently widowed grandfather, whom dp had gone to collect whilst others were arriving late in the morning - who should show up but his mother, just as I'm cooking and greeting the invited guests.

Dp felt bad, but I was just cross - why the FUCK wouldn't you ring and check it was ok? He arrived and was saying 'could you not stay for lunch, you're very welcome', she was going 'oh well I could, I mean I could stay, of course, but no, I can see you're busy, I'll get off', whilst not making any effort to move - I'm hoping she'll go because actually we do not own enough chairs for one more guest, and she'd have to use a picnic plate.

RING FIRST AND CHECK FFS.

ahem. I wasn't cooking and greeting the invited guests, of course. Sloppy punctuation by me there.

Now what really annoys me is when we get a lovely weekend day and DH and me have a long list of sunbathing in the nude jobs to get done outside and friends with loads of wailing kids drop in, because they know we have a big, safe garden for them to play in. Then we waste the afternoon instead of lying in the sun with a cold beer digging the potatoes
I do love having friends over for bbqs etc on lovely days precisely because we have a lovely outdoor space, but it must be pre-arranged .

TheOriginalSteamingNit - why would you drive 10 miles without making an arrangement or checking first? Did she know about party and turn up anyway? Did she stay? I would have invited her for lunch too in that circumstance. Would your OH say something to her?

I don't live in my home town. My sister was staying nearby and asked if she could pop in with her family for a cuppa. I said great, come for lunch (4 grown ups and 2 children). As a surprise SHE invited my parents and they came from a different city 90 miles away and met her at my house. . I love my parents but didn't make enough and there weren't enough chairs. My sister knows that had she checked I would have asked her not to invite other people (even parents). She could have met them for lunch where they were staying. . I am very hospitable and make a huge effort with food. I think people just do not realise the effort and expense that goes into arranging lunch for 12. I am happy to host but need time to plan.