To HATE pop in visitors?

[Eggrules]

Family friend of in-laws has just left.

Egg Towers is in the middle of Operation Spring Clean. OH cleaning the car on the drive with DS. I was in the kitchen and had emptied the cupboards out. Been on the go since early morning but the house was a complete tip . Offered drinks, chatted and then left OH to it.

HINT: if nobody answered the phone then they are busy/out.

I always pre-arrange visits with parents, best friends etc. I enjoy having people over but my nearest and dearest know I hate pop in visitors. I think it is very rude to gatecrash and invite yourself over and expect a red carpet.

What am I missing?

I don't like random visitors either. I hate anything unpredictable and sudden (am probably an Aspie, waiting for assessment) and my home is the only place where I can be myself. To suddenly have to let people in is really difficult. I love it when friends visit at arranged times but there are few people I'd class as close enough to do even that. Anything else leaves me feeling violated.

I would love to live in a close community where people just wander in and out, especially when my DCs are older and can drop in with their friends... I want to be the coolest mum who always has freshly baked cookies on the kitchen counter :o - but TBH I think even if we had a lovely organised home, and lived in a close knit village, I would still find it difficult :(

Folks can pop round ours without notice between 10am and 5pm, no problem... outside those hours I just tell them to go away....

I'm far more laid back about popper ins. My friends and I often do it. I am always pathetically grateful really glad if a friend wants to see me even if it is just to ask something.

I'm not uptight about my house or my free time. I only work two days a week and OH works from home so free time and family time aren't such precious commodities in the bunbaker household.

Incidentally, how old are your children? DD is 11 and it is usual for the children of that age in our village to pop round to various friends without prearranging it.

People never seem to pop in when the house is spotless, the children are being angelic and you're looking good though, do they?

(Those times do happen, honest, it's just that people always come at, y'know, the other times.)

It is not an English thing....I am in the us and you arrange days in advance here....no one drops in thank goodness.your home is your private space where you should not have to be ready for people who may wish to drop by......having said that we had distant Australian family drop by....and stay over a week.......after oh said....you are welcome over to see us whenyou visit.
They had the thickest skins and frankly it put me off ever living in Australia.....just very entitled attitude to free board and bed because as the party leader kept repeating....family is everything in our book. My husband had never met any of them in his life. They gaily announced they would be back soon......mmmmm we will not be answering those calls or e mails. We learnt our lesson the hard way. Never say what you do not mean because lots of people are always up for a free meal...chat....bed n board if it suits them.

Is it really time for this thread to come round again?

I'm a friendly, sociable sort of a person, so I love it when people drop by.
If people pre-arrange visits, then there is a level of tidiness that would be expected, if they just call in then it is acceptable to be seen just as you are. I don't really want that pressure to have to start tidying up because someone has phoned to arrange to visit, I'd rather people just came round.

I like it when people drop by but then perhaps I'm fortunate in having the sort of friends and family whose company I enjoy!

Having said this, there are some exceptions to the open house rule here. I don't particularly appreciate people arriving without any prior notice in order to "entertain me" during work hours. Because actually, working from home is as serious a business as working in an office and you'd not expect to randomly pop around to someone's office and suggest they must be rather lonely.

I'm also fairly busy with outside activities at the weekend so while I'll welcome friends who drop by, it may well be that I'm already out. Hence I'm not very interested in being made to feel guilty about people who claim to have driven out here to the rural wilderness I live in only to find I had the nerve to be out.

I'm not a popper in myself but DH does it - it's very common in his culture & he would think you were all anti-social inhospitable loons.

I used to hate unexpected guests but DH is always inviting people over or bringing them back with him from somewhere, and I have got used to it over the years - have learned not to worry too much about the mess & to just go with the flow. I actually quite like it now, unless I'm trying to get dd to bed.

I understand why people don't like it, but I think it's quite sad really that our culture has become so inhospitable. I know others won't agree, but I think there is something lovely about a community in which visitors are always welcome.

maybenow you are right. In the middle of a massive sort out isn't slovenly.

Sorry BackforGood. (or not really, I was annoyed today)

I am a very good host; love to have parties and have regular weekend guests. I love my friends but just like to know in advance when people come over. I call my parents before I go over

Eggrules, I did not mean that you are slovenly. It was a joke - those of us who do not have perfectly clean and tidy houses all the time.....

I don't do it to many people but I have a friend who we joke that get place is like charing x station as there's so many people passing through. She also delegates answering the door to the visitors already in residence. It was funny the time that DH answered her door, invited the people in and offered them tea. It took 10 mins for all to realise that they were at the wrong house no-one knew them butt friend assumed get were friends of DH who had decided to visit and DH assumed they Jew said friend!

No worries bigTillyMint - I admitted to feeling slovenly. I was just in my sparkling kitchen and wondered why. The bathroom is gross .

Jinsei I have been pondering why I hate the pop in so much. I have a massive family and my parents home was the main hub. Weekends were always frequently interrupted. Really bad when you are 18, have a hangover and there are 6 cousins bouncing around your bedroom at 10am.

I can't believe people still do this tbh, I can imagine that it worked better in the 1950s maybe (not quite sure why then!) but now I think the majority of people would find it unacceptable. Especially since there are so many ways to quickly get in touch and check first.

I think it does sort of depend on the area you live in though... my parents live in a smallish town and very occasionally my mum might tell me someone has popped in to see her and she doesn't really seem to mind it... where we live in London no one would bother anyway as it takes at least half an hour to get even somewhere local on either roads or public transport!

Definitely anti-poppers in.

When I was a kid though this would happen all the time but I suppose as my parents did not have a phone it might have been difficult for people to let them know they were coming.

We had several sets of relatives who lived quite a distance away - at least an hours drive - and they would often just turn up. Then my mum would feel obliged to offer them a meal as they had come such a long way. She did get a bit fed up of with one of my Dads brothers who would turn up without warning with his wife and four kids, all expecting to be fed. Then after the meal suggest to my Dad that they go down the pub., naturally leaving wife and kids with Mum at home to entertain until about 10pm.

Hate pop-in-ers. They drive me nuts. Never at convenient times when i dont look like ive been dragged through a hedge backwards and the kids arent trying to kill each other...never ever when my house isnt a ramshackle mess either!

I keep my front door locked when i am in the house so nobody can come in. I even chose this house as no one can see in from the front of the house so i can sit watching tv and ignoring the door... i never answer the phone either.

I don't understand the sort of popping in that comes with huge obligations - like meals and the like. Surely (and even allowing for the fact that I don't have a problem with people who pop in) the rules of arriving unannounced are that you'll get offered standard hospitality - tea, coffee, cake perhaps - but not expect to stay so long that meals ever become an issue.

Also, I cannot understand why anyone would drive somewhere an hours drive away at all without some sort of prior notification, let alone do this and expect feeding!

I once had a relative of my dad's take great offence as they "popped in " to see me and I was going out. DD had her coat on and we were away to the docs to get her vaccinations
True they'd come up from England but were staying at my dad's for a week but surely they could have phoned or arranged a time, but that's when suited THEM. Tough.
Our true friends are welcome anytime and take us as they find us

I don't think I've ever dropped in unannounced anywhere. The only case I can think of was letting friends know with, say, 2 or 3 hours notice that we'd be passing nearby, and they said to drop in for a cup of tea.

As it turned out they were due to go out somewhere imminently so we stayed about 40 minutes & even then I felt mortified & as if I'd imposed on them at an awkward time!

"but I think it's quite sad really that our culture has become so inhospitable. I know others won't agree, but I think there is something lovely about a community in which visitors are always welcome."

Well said. I don't get why people are so uptight about the state of their house or the fact that they are having a bad hair day if someone pops round. Seeing a friend is far more important to me than having a few crumbs on the carpet.

In this day and age a phone call or text to say we're round the corner can we pop by is key

I hate this too.

I suppose it is uptight. Even GHD, tidy house and pristine carpets I still don't like a pop in. I love visitors and am very hospitable.