To think headteacher shouldn't tell children what time their bedtime is?

[Butterkist]

My dd's headteacher today told the school in assembly that their bedtime should be 7pm, 7.30pm at the latest.

Now my dd takes what the teachers (esp the HT) say as gospel, and I always try to ensure there is no conflict of messages between us and the school.

But my dd comes home from school at 5.45, requires dinner, needs to do music practice, reading and homework, and on a couple of evenings a week (including tonight) does out of school activities that finish at 7pm.

Bed time for us is 8.30pm, with lights off at 9pm, this is what works for us. My dd is up for school in time in the morning, and leaves home at 8.15.

Tonight she has missed her out of school activity as she's got to be in bed by 7pm for 7.30pm, so that she can answer correctly if the HT asks her tomorrow. This is her words. She suffers from anxiety and is a perfectionist so will only do the right thing.

AIBU to have a word tomorrow, and say that bedtime are the parents call not the school's?

Music is done 5 days a week, as instructed by the music teachers, and dd was given choice as to which 5 days, and she said that she wanted no "work" on weekends, so Saturday night and Sunday night are her music free nights.

We weren't doing homework every night, nor reading every night, I was doing it the 3 evenings when she doesn't have extra activities, and the school said that we had to do it every evening. (Yes very controlling school).

I haven't asked about it being done at ASC, but that is a good posibility so I'll ask that.

She does have a 2 course cooked lunch (normally seconds) at school, and sandwiches and cake at ASC, but likes to have a small portion of dinner with us in the evening.

I will try the cutting out of TV.

And it'll be interesting experiment re earlier bed time, as I'm pretty certain that she'll stick with the 7pm-7.30pm rule until the weekend at least. And Thurs/Fri evening are no extra activities.

the head was really probably trying to highlight the bed time issue with kids that go really late to bed. Not just 8.30 - I'm talking 10 or 11

bed time for my 9 year old is 7.30 by the way

I agree that after school care is downtime, but as the parent of an anxious child I would seriously consider dropping all activities and bringing bedtime forward for a term. My DS gets a lot worse without enough sleep (and I mean 11 hours, even at 9yo)

I'm wondering what people think happens at after school club. I suppose it must vary, but my DC have a snack, play outside, read, play with lego, do hama beads, craft stuff, board games, flopping on cushions and chatting to friends. DS was apparently playing poker when I picked him up the other day . It's not full on. That starts when I pick them up

Butterkist

Kudos to you for taking on board the suggestions.

Hope your DD feels less anxious with a more relaxed routine.

I'm always open to suggestions, it's why I post, to get others opinions.

Do you know why she is anxious?

My 11 year old wouldn't be able to cope with your daughter's routine. I think that you need to simplify things a bit, at least on some nights of the week. The HT shouldn't dictate bedtimes, but I think that he is right that children should be in bed early on school nights.

Music teachers? How much else is the poor child doing and where does that fit in?

Hope things work out Butterkist!

Now, I think you should rethink her choice re music practice. Weekends are a better time than full on busy evenings. We don't do practice on the long nights.

thefallenmadonna

Whilst ASC is not like school, it is still an institutional environment. Even watching telly there s not the same as being at home, out of school uniform, slippers on, stretched on the sofa watching telly.

ASC surely varies very much from school to school. Ours includes some playtime but its also time to do homework.

OK then.

I will try the cutting out of TV.

I would cut down on all that music practice. She really doesnt need it five nights a week!

Perhaps you ran it differently? Anyway. It's a bit of a moot point, as presumably the OP isn't using the club as a another social activity, but because she needs the childcare. If I were her, I'd be slacker on the music practice and tighter on the bedtime "routine". In fact, that is what I do, and my DC are well rested!

Yes at our afterschool club it's for chilling, play

Playing & eating
Definitely not homework time

I agree with Troisgarcons and Greythorne . Down time is more than a short allocated slot every night.

It's having a bit of space to relax (totally) in your own surroundings and to have some choice and spontaneity. Anyone would be anxious having to "perform" from 8.15 till 8.00pm everyday.

Ok reluctantly posting this due to fallout from it -

but anxiety is due to unusually high levels of H&S risk assessments carried out by dd at all times, and due to any change in routine.

Music lessons are in school time.

It is obviously up to you OP but I would be concerned if one of my class told me that they were regularly going to bed very late for example 10 pm. Otherwise I wouldn't start telling the children when to go to bed. Personally I do think that 9pm is a bit late for that age but I don't think it's outrageous either.

Butterkist - if she's tired or getting anxious because she's tired do try and alter the bedtime but I wouldn't say out of hand that her bedtime is too late. It really depends on the child.
I start putting mine in bed at 8. 3 yr old goes first. Then 5 & 7 yr old who share a room - lights out at 8.30. Then I read to my 9 yr old who has lights out about 9. They are all up and jumping around full of energy at 6!

They seem fine with it. For me it isn't great as I get no evening but with activities, music practice, dinner etc , it just takes a while.