To think headteacher shouldn't tell children what time their bedtime is?

[Butterkist]

My dd's headteacher today told the school in assembly that their bedtime should be 7pm, 7.30pm at the latest.

Now my dd takes what the teachers (esp the HT) say as gospel, and I always try to ensure there is no conflict of messages between us and the school.

But my dd comes home from school at 5.45, requires dinner, needs to do music practice, reading and homework, and on a couple of evenings a week (including tonight) does out of school activities that finish at 7pm.

Bed time for us is 8.30pm, with lights off at 9pm, this is what works for us. My dd is up for school in time in the morning, and leaves home at 8.15.

Tonight she has missed her out of school activity as she's got to be in bed by 7pm for 7.30pm, so that she can answer correctly if the HT asks her tomorrow. This is her words. She suffers from anxiety and is a perfectionist so will only do the right thing.

AIBU to have a word tomorrow, and say that bedtime are the parents call not the school's?

my eldest two (9 and 12) are sent up around 8.30-9 and are always very quiet but rarely fall asleep before 10pm. And I've tried everything.

YANBU my DS (3) goes to bed at 9pm. Hes just not the kind of child who needs alot of sleep at the moment, he still needs a nap in the day so I reckon when these drop he'll start going to bed sooner but until then 9pm works for us.

If his headteacher comes out with this drivel when he is at school I'll just remind him that what the HT says in school goes, but their remit ends when he leaves the school premises.

I'm not getting drawn into the debate on your daughter's schedule but will answer your original question. I think that the HT was addressing the bedtime lightheartedly. Most children will have ignored/adapted to suit their ideas.

My DD is like yours and takes what she is told at school as gospel! I have had to sit down with her several times and tell her that I am her mother and what I say goes and if the teacher says anything she is to ask them to talk to me. Strangely, this has never happened. She is just a people pleaser - too much sometimes. :(

Butterkist at the risk of sounding like a broken record, please reconsider the THREE instruments! Just because she "enjoys" them, just because she can do it, and just because you can cram them into the schedule, doesn't mean she should do it.

And if you say "if she gave up music I wouldn't be bothered", then where's the real commitment to music from you? There will come a point (indeed many points) in the future when practise will become difficult, frustrating and painful. You ride through those times and get to the next level. A valuable lesson in discipline, graft and artistry. Why are you having her dabble in three instruments? And saying it'll be fine if you dump them when you like?

Ask any good qualified music teacher and they will back me up. I'm not writing to badger you (oh, all right just a little, maybe) but because I honestly think this is really bad for a musically gifted/enthused child.

How does anyone know then what instrument is their strength, and what they want to do without giving it a go?

Do I get her to learn piano just because it is good coordination with the hands, and enables her to learn both clefs, and she enjoys the fact that it's a complete piece by itself, it doesn't need other instruments? But if she only learns piano, she can't join an ensemble, she can't join a marching band, she can't join the orchestra.

Do I get her to learn woodwind just because it is the easiest one for her to play, that she gets instant success from it, she can join the orchestras and ensembles? But she can't read bass clef just with woodwind, very few marching bands with woodwind etc.

Do I get her to learn brass just because she thinks it is the most fun to play, and she can join the orchestras, ensembles, marching bands, and play bass clef? But it doesn't sound as good to her playing by herself as the piano does?

How do you know which instrument is the one to specialise in until you have played a variety of instruments?

My older children play an array of instruments, and love them all, are not going to make a career in music, but love to play them in the different settings. It's great that when there's something that they need a woodwind instrument for, no problem they can partake and have fun.

For my older children it's the same with sport, they could do 25 hours a week of swimming, they could do 15 hours a week of gymnastics, they could do 8 hours a week of hockey, they could do 8 hours a week of netball etc. But they don't as that would mean they have to choose one, so they do a couple of hours a week of each sport, and complete at regional/county level in them, and represent the school in them. But they are never going to be professionals in sports, because they haven't specialised.

They do not suffer from anxiety.

Butterkist these are good questions which I will attempt to answer as well as I can. The first instrument to learn should ideally be either piano or one of the string instruments (violin, cello, double bass, guitar) as these are by far the most demanding technically and require the longest "lead time" to develop. They are also instruments with tremendous range of expression, unlike, say some of the brass or woodwind instruments, and these instruments lay a very solid foundation for further musical exploration.

I completely take your point about piano being a solo instrument which precludes ensemble playing. Being a part of an orchestra, brass band or chamber group is a fantastic opportunity to develop musically and socially. However, she is seven. There is plenty of time to learn brass or woodwind in two or three years.

I've seen time and time again how quickly a student who has been given time to gain a bit of mastery on one instrument, leaps confidently into the second. It's so much less struggle the second time as they're secure in so many of the basic principles. Personally, I've overseen many students (my daughter, goddaughters and niece among them) who typically began on a string instrument then about three years later try piano. Within a couple of terms they're playing Chopin.

Re: your question about how do you know what instrument is their strength? Again, good question, but the answer is not to give every instrument a go. Your child through her personality will naturally gravitate to some instruments more than others. You can guide her, and create a shortlist. I gave my daughter a choice between piano, cello or violin for her first instrument (praying she would choose one of the orchestral instruments first). You might want to take a look at the book www.amazon.co.uk/Right-Instrument-Your-Child/dp/0297850652 which is very helpful on this particular subject.

Hope this helps.

Interesting comments bowerbird. I started learning cello at 8 for the sole reason that the school asked me if I would like to! I played for 9 yrs. It wasn't until I was 14 that I started piano and guitar.

My parents had sent me to violin lessons at 4 but I hated it because it hurt my chin and sounded all screechy.

My dd has been asking since very small to play flute. On and on and on about it. At 6 she started piano, very keen, but still hugely interested in flute.

It is fascinating how these things take shape.

Your DD is working far far too many hours. Most adults would burn out. I think th HT is right but is prob thinking of kids chilling out watching TV or playing games til too late. Learning, which is what your DD is doing is very very tiring. She needs a work life balance.

I think she's eating too late and would have her eating nearer 5-6ish at that age, even if that means she eats earlier than you and has yesterday's meal reheated. I'd probably give her sandwiches to eat at after school club and have her having hot meal at school lunch.
My stepson was at music school and even he wasn't playing 3 instruments at 7. I agree that if she regards practicing her pieces as "work" then she isn't enjoying them that much and I'd drop one. music is something that could be transferred to the weekend. I wouldn't have more than 2 activities at that age. If she's not home until after 5 why can't her homework (although age 7 I wouldn't expect her to have much) get done at after school club. I thought that was one of their functions.
If she ate and did her homework at after school club then when she gets home at 5.45 she just has to do a bit of music practice and sometimes an activity and has more time to just relax and get to bed at a more sensible time.