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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Apparently I am, for spending more money on my DD than my DSD..

267 replies

hilarydoe · 21/03/2012 10:53

WW3 at home, apparently I am being unreasonable because both our girls (my dd and my DSD who stays with us every other weekend) needed wardrobe overhauls. DH and I decided that we'd spend around £80 each because money's been a bit tight recently because his hours have decreased.

Anyway, I recently signed up to very.co.uk and got a rather large credit limit. I decided that as my DD hasn't been treated much recently I would blow the budget and ended up spending around £300 on her new wardrobe Blush

I didn't think it was a big deal as it's no actual outlay of money yet! and I got it on "pay nothing for 12 months" so we can pay it off monthly with no interest for the year. Bless her, DD even said she's use some of her pocket money to pay it off each month as there was one thing she really wanted that I didn't think was that essential. (Damn Superdry!)

Anyway, I've started WW3. DSD is sulking because her clothes aren't as nice as DDs and she didnt get as treated as DD did.

I think I might be being a bit unreasonable but I don't think I deserve this lashing!

OP posts:
Seona1973 · 21/03/2012 10:55

I think you should now spend the same on your DSD - its only fair

Fleurdebleurgh · 21/03/2012 10:56

YABU to spend £300 on clothes for a child.

YABU to buy Superdry

YABU to not have stuck to the original plan. So what if its on credit? If you cant afford to buy something outright, dont buy it.

shesparkles · 21/03/2012 10:57

Sorry, but I think you do....

ljgibbs · 21/03/2012 10:58

Yes YABU, you agreed a budget and should of stuck to it.
Why have you only treated your DD but not your DSD?

Lovetats · 21/03/2012 10:59

You have to treat all the kids the same so yes, YABU. Sorry!

MissMogwi · 21/03/2012 10:59

YABU.

SydSaid · 21/03/2012 10:59

I don't see why it's your responsibility to buy clothes for your dsd. It should bd down to her parents. She has two of her own I presume? Fair enough buying her gifts, but not her day to day clothes.

TandB · 21/03/2012 10:59

I think you've been completely daft.

You have spent more than 3 times on one child than the other at a time when they were both supposed to be being treated the same. Couldn't you have got DD something extra (if you really felt you had to) at some other time?

You have created a massive divide between the two girls and you really should have seen it coming.

Chippychop · 21/03/2012 10:59

Oh dear...what a pickle but I think you have been unfair. I'm not going to roast you because it's easily done.... But dsd will be feeling left out and less loved. How to get out of it is your next problem. Does her mother contribute to her clothes..can you use that angle?

LucyLastik · 21/03/2012 10:59

Poor DSD Sad

YABU

Zippylovesgeorge · 21/03/2012 11:00

Why not £150 for each girl - more than enough even if you've bought Superdry (which IMO is naff).

TheSkiingGardener · 21/03/2012 11:00

Sorry, YABU. Time to either return some stuff or spend on DSD

peugotgringo · 21/03/2012 11:00

I don't think you deserve it. How old are the girls?
Shit happens in families, and it's not always as straightforward as you would like it to be.
I think £300 is possibly a lot to spend and that you should have used some of it on DSD instead of all of it on your DD.

TheHonourableNagoo · 21/03/2012 11:01

why did you do it? :(

TandB · 21/03/2012 11:01

Is this entirely your own money? If so, then I don't see any fundamental problem with spending more on your DD but it should have been handled differently.

If it will be joint money (and I assume it will because you say "we can pay it off monthly") then what it comes down to is your DSD's father spending more on his other child.

ButHeNeverDid · 21/03/2012 11:02

YABU for spending money that you dont have

Not sure about about the DSD question. Presumably when her mother buys her stuff she also does not buy for your DD - so she in effect would get more clothes in total than your DD.

Catsdontcare · 21/03/2012 11:02

I think that was a pretty shitty thing to do. would you have been ok if it had been the other way round?

Or is this one of those reverse AIBU

BelleEnd · 21/03/2012 11:02

My goodness. Of course YABU. How can you stand it with one being in Superdry and the other in cheap stuff?!

ExitPursuedByABear · 21/03/2012 11:02

You agreed a budget of £80 and then spent £300 because that was your credit limit. Shock

Apart from the fact that your DSD will feel very marginalised by this, I am quite shocked at your attitude to finance and credit.

But perhaps that is just me.

FreckledLeopard · 21/03/2012 11:02

I spend more on DD than I do on DSS. But then, DD is with me all the time, DSS is with us 50% of the time, so has a mother to spend money on him. Plus more grandparents and doting aunts, all of whom spend less on my DD. Which, frankly, I think is normal.

Having said that, if you'd discussed a budget, in theory it might be an idea to stick to it.

WhataMistakeaToMakea · 21/03/2012 11:03

I read that thinking you meant a wardrobe and thinking you were NBU. Now I've realised it is clothes I think you are BU. Not necc because you did not do the same for DSD, but because that is really a LOT of money to spend of clothes for a (presumably) still growing child?

Does DSD have clothes at her mums and separate for yours? In which case I would take her out and let her get a some nice things and go for lunch etc to feel special. If she brings her clothes from home and you two pay maintenence (sp) then I would think her mum is mainly responsible for buying a whole new wardrobe if that really is needed, but that you should still help out and go out and get her a few of nice things.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 21/03/2012 11:03

I don't see why you should have to spend the same amount on your ds's. Presumably she has her own Mum who condo put £300 on credit to buy her clothes if she wanted to, and she wouldn't feel obliged to buy for your dd too.

You should have stuck to a plan you could afford, but that's beside the point. Your dh has to provide the same amount of money to each of his dc for clothes, but you don't. Each child had two parents, but only one of those has financial responsibility for both.

herladyship · 21/03/2012 11:03

I think YANBU to spend more on dd, as you responsible for clothing her 7 days a week, whereas presumably dsd has a clothing budget & wardrobe at her mums as well?

I think YABU to spend money you haven't got on clothes to 'treat' dd though. If money is tight, surely you should have stuck to budget?

BlueFergie · 21/03/2012 11:04

It makes no difference to your DSD that it WA bought on credit. She just sees her sister getting more and nicer stuff than her. That must be horrible for her? If you were doing something for both than you should have done the same thing. I assume your DDs clothes will be paid for out of joint finances.

iloveminieggs · 21/03/2012 11:04

I think yabu for spending money you don't have.
Yanbu for not treating dsd same, she does not live with you and that should be her mums job to clothe her daughter.