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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell an elderly gent to f*ck off

646 replies

Helenfellows33 · 19/03/2012 08:45

i was on a family day out on a steam train and on the way home an infirm old man got on with his carer. she left shortly after and he was on his own in his wheelchair with me and my dh and dc's. this journey was about an hour long and ds being cranky started to cry. and the old man turned to him and shouted at him to be quiet boy. at this i told him to shut the fuck up and a list of words i cant mention here. dh backed me up although i was telling a friend later she said he was ok too this as he was old, we are now not speaking cause of this. AIBU for doing that to an elderly person.

OP posts:
Greenshadow · 19/03/2012 15:00

Can not believe that it's OK to swear at anyone!

What happened to apologising to him for your child disturbing him!

Or if not that, at least ignoring him.

kickmewhenimdown · 19/03/2012 15:24

I think YABALU. You should not have swore at him. But then he should have kept his mouth shut and not shouted at your dc. Being elderly/infirm/in a wheelchair etc does not give someone free reign to be rude and think that if they are, people will keep quiet or even apologise to them! Actually TBH if i shouted at a stranger's crying child to be quiet, (i would never do this btw) i would probably expect to be to to STFU! And i would think I would deserve it too.

MardyArsedMidlander · 19/03/2012 15:25

It's also quite amusing that a mother of two children thinks that 'He started it' and 'All I said was...' are acceptable. They are not acceptable arguments used by 6 year olds let alone adults.

TandB · 19/03/2012 15:33

Funny that the OP seems to be managing to keep her temper while being harangued by the whole of MN.

So it is presumably only vulnerable people she verbally abuses.

anychocswilldo · 19/03/2012 15:36

I posted much earlier in the thread that I thought op was wrong to swear at the old man but I am shocked at some of the posts on here. Calling her children brats amonsgt other things and being blatantly personal is unnecessary and some of the posts have been vile. She was wrong to swear the way she did but my God! Sometimes we all get things wrong or get carried away especially when it comes to our kids. I am astounded by some of the things written here, to be honest after some of the responses posted here there appear to b a fair few people that could do with Jeremy Kyle's help! Shock Angry

NCIS · 19/03/2012 15:42

We will probably live to get old, some of us will get dementia and possibly say inappropriate things when out in public. I hope that people I come accross when that happens have the grace to see me as the vulnerable person that I will be and be as tolerant as people are expected to be ( quite rightly) of young children.
It is more than likely, reading what the OP said about the group of people with the elderly man, that he had some form of dementia or other mental health issues.

Pendeen · 19/03/2012 15:42

OP?

Are you there?

Or have you vanished beneath the tidal wave of criticism?

OrmIrian · 19/03/2012 16:08

What I really don't understand is what this thread is for. I guess I could, if I was feeling really tired and stressed, have given the man a telling off in response to what he said. I wouldn't have sworn but I might well have shouted at him a little. But there is no way on earth I would have then tried to garner support for my actions - I'd have been thoroughly ashamed (once I'd had time to calm down) and wouldn't have wanted anyone else to know.

OrmIrian · 19/03/2012 16:09

Hmmm....interesting that 'chav' is unacceptable but 'backwater moron' isn't. Hey ho...

Born2BRiiiled · 19/03/2012 16:15

Come on. Be fair. OP had to defend her faaaamily. It's a harsh old world on those steam trains. Dog eat dog and all that!

lambethlil · 19/03/2012 16:18

orm Because 'chav' describes behaviour which the OP can change and 'backwater moron' describes the hilarious condition of congenital retardation. Hmm

knowitallstrikesagain · 19/03/2012 16:18

Thinking about the other children on the train...

If my children had witnessed an old man in a wheelchair ( an I only mention this to reinforce that said man was of no physical threat to anyone) I might have said, 'Isn't that man rude! Maybe he's having a bad day, better stay away from him if we can'

If we had heard your response, I would have said, 'That was totally unnecessary and out of proportion as a response. Definately stay away from her and do not even think about imitating her language! foul mouthed abusive woman '

Again, YWBU.

Lueji · 19/03/2012 16:20

Hoeback, if any of us had reacted like this we would probably have regretted it by now, if not shortly after.

QuintessentialyHollow · 19/03/2012 16:30

I mentioned another thread were op was saying stuff about wheelchair users on public transport. I was not nasty or swearing at all!

Hoebag · 19/03/2012 16:30

'What happened to apologising to him for your child disturbing him!'

thats actually insane, children cry and fuss its a fact of life, people who can't deal with this should start their own island of adults only population and remove themselves from tolerant people.

QuintessentialyHollow · 19/03/2012 16:33

No that wasnt it. What then?
My very first deleted post!

Bucharest · 19/03/2012 16:34

Quint- oh right,yes, I saw that this morning before I went out.

Hoebag · 19/03/2012 16:34

backwater moron means small minded and ignorant not disabled people FFS.

or at least it does where I come from.

TheBigJessie · 19/03/2012 16:35

"tolerant people", eh?

...

kickmewhenimdown · 19/03/2012 16:37

Hoebag if my dc were crying I would probably apologise if people were being sympathetic and nice. If they reacted like the elderly man, then there would definitely be no apology.

I understand the point about dementia but I don't think his carer would have left him alone if this was the case. My gran suffered from dementia before she died and if we had to take her anywhere, in the early days, (hospital appts etc) then she was never left alone, not even for a minute.

Guinnessisgoodforyou · 19/03/2012 16:39

Why the asterisk in the title on the word fuck? If you are happy to swear at an old man in front of your children why are you not writing the word fuck in the title properly? Are you worried about offending us? You sound lovely by the way and YES you are being unreasonable. Very.

CremeEggThief · 19/03/2012 16:40

I haven't read through the whole thread, as it's 22 pages long, but I am going to say YABU for the sole reason he is elderly. If a stranger who happened to be in their 30s acted in the same way, I would think you were rather hotheaded to jump straight into swearing at her/him, but not necessarily that YWBU. I don't think you should have apologised for your young child being noisy in the circumstances you describe and the old man did sound rude and contrary, but there's something not quite right about swearing at the elderly.

NCIS · 19/03/2012 16:42

Dementia affects different people in different ways. He might not have been in danger of wandering so could be left. Other conditions can also affect what people say and the appropriateness thereof but don't pose a danger to themselves or others.

Stratters · 19/03/2012 16:42

[[Helenfellows33 Tue 21-Feb-12 14:03:58
just watched the fenton film on you tube and lmao. YABU i would much rather that tham cunt or fuck Helenfellows33 Tue 21 Feb 12 14:03:58]]

Stratters · 19/03/2012 16:43

Royally fucked that one up, but oh well Grin