AIBU to think "...but I can't drive" is a rubbish excuse

[OneHandFlapping]

Over and again on threads where a DH is being some kind of a nob, the OP responds to excellent advice by saying, "I can't go anywhere/get a job/etc because I can't drive."

Unless you have a disability or medical condition that stops you, then WHY NOT? You are making yourself a victim, if you are dependent on your DH for transport.

Not being able to be self sufficient is a problem anywhere, remote rural areas aside, you dont need a car to be self sufficient.

I don't/can't drive. I'm also a single parent currently on benefits, so know that if I did drive, I'd have people pissing and moaning at me that they resented paying for me to drive/have a car etc.

"I appreciate what everyone says about the cost of learning to drive; however, please do make an effort if you can as it is so much more difficult to learn when you are older. I'd also put in a plea to those of you who can drive, but don't, as husband/partner does, to keep up the skill. I am a grandmother and I can't tell you how many women I know who have been widowed who, although they actually have a driving licence, don't feel confident to drive and therefore have a restricted life. And don't get me started on the number of people who only drive locally and won't attempt motorways!"

Your post has struck a chord with me NUFC69. Most of the women in OH's family are like this. Some of it is down to the fact that their husbands wouldn't let them drive. OH, on the other hand, has always encouraged me to drive as he hates driving. We wouldn't have chosen where we live if neither of us could drive, and I couldn't imagine not having the freedom of being able to hop in the car and drive anywhere in the country if I wanted to.

Expense and city living aside, I can't understand why some people don't want to learn. My friend's husband doesn't drive simply because he doesn't want to. It means that if he is called out in the night (he is a caretaker) my friend has to get her child out of bed so that she can take her husband to work.

Better to drive when you don't immediately need to than your new employer suddenly dropping the bomb that you have to learn to drive imo.

I have my licence but I don't have a car because I don't have one, but it's good to know that in an emergency or whatever, I could drive a car.

"I don't have a car because I don't have one"...I meant because it's expensive. ;)

I know of some very bright people who just are unable to learn how to drive. One of them was told, "you can drive forwards well, you can drive backwards well, but you cant do anything else"

I live a hop, skip and jump away from a train station that gets me to central London in 20 minutes. There are also plenty of buses to surrounding areas. I use some of my DLA money to get a a taxi when I'm not physically able to hop, skip and jump to the station. I can't drive due to medical reasons but I don't think of myself as a victim. Travelling around is the one thing that I am able to do quite independently.

I find most non-drivers are usually very good with public transport. You should see some of my driving friends getting into a flap trying to work their Oyster cards!

I learnt to drive when I was in the army. It took 10 days and it didn't cost me a penny.

I have a driving licence I did free through work but I dont drive as:

• No point you can do exactly the same on foot/public transport

• Its expensive

• Its bad for the environment

• much more likely to be overweight and unfit, and start doing stuff like driving one street to drop the kids off to school or driving to the corner shop.

• you cant always be the one who gets drunk if you do go in a car

curiositykitten Sun 18-Mar-12 14:21:41
I don't/can't drive. I'm also a single parent currently on benefits, so know that if I did drive, I'd have people pissing and moaning at me that they resented paying for me to drive/have a car etc.

Yes, I totally get this and I hadn't thought of it before as I learnt well before I had any children.

Tbh being single (well have got a DP now but he doesn't live here) I need to be able to drive, well, it really blooming helps, especially if the kids are ill/hurt/need to go somewhere quickly.

It is a massive time and energy saver for me, and for the children. Yes we could walk to and from school every day but if we do that, there's precious little time or energy for anything else. And we/I have to do everything, so basically I like having a car.

And it's not even my car, it's my parents', on a sort of permanent loan, but I get snidey comments all the time about it's too nice for someone like me and how did I afford it.

Makes me feel like shit.

I can't drive. I never got round to ut and I can't be arsed. I will do at some point but it really doesn't affect my life at all.

If it did I would change it, but some of the women you are talking about may not be able to afford to learn or have confidence issues. You are making sweeping statements so YABU

YABU. Not everybody feels the way you do. Many people find driving very difficult and stressful and may decide that the added freedom of being able to drive where you want is not worth the stresss. I am sure there are things you cannot do that some non-drivers find easy and useful...

FWIIW, I got a licence at 18, at the second attempt. We lived in a village and my parents gave me access to a car. I never used it. If the choice was between driving and not going, I would not go. I then moved to a big city for university and then to London. No need to drive. Yes, it would be nice sometimes, but the extra time saved as compared to public transport or a taxi is never worth the stress of driving. I have taken extra lessons and practised a lot with DH. I sometimes drive us home from local dinner parties, but that's it. I have driven on my own exactly once in the last 3 years or so, to take baby DS with a high fever to the GP, about half a mile away in a snow storm. I managed, but haveno wish to repeat the experience. I don't see why this should be considered a handicap rather than a lifestyle choice.

Btw, I also have no binocular vision, so can only see in two dimensions, rather than three. I bump into things even when walking, I think it is better for society that I do not bump into things or people with a large car.

I didnt learn to drive till I was 36.
Reasons:
I always lived in central London - good transport, poor parking.
I couldnt afford to learn to drive
I couldnt afford to run a car
If I was going anywhere I would either a/be getting a bus/tube to work or b/getting pissed.

Then I started to learn and found it impossible. I was terrified. Being a learner driver in the Caledonian Rd during rush hour is horrifying.

I finally learnt when we moved out to the edge of East London which seemed like the countryside to me. I switched to Automatic and past first time.

If I had learned when I was 17 I would have spent nearly two decades not driving. WTF would the point be in that?

You dont realise that you 'need' to drive until you actually drive. Before that you just get on with things. I am faaaaaaaar lazier now and so are my youngest DCs

Just incase anyone is feeling a big crap because of this thread:

If you have a child with a disability you can apply to the Family Fund who will often fund driving lessons. (tip - go for an automatic if you are nervous).

I love that since moving to London that "I don't drive" isn't a statement considered odd at all... in actual fact I can drive, but have no car - so it's easiest to say without going into all the details.

But I never use it for being lame, opting out of stuff etc. One one occasion with sick kids my daughter couldn't do a last minute after school play unless they dropped her home as well, as I didn't want to drag the others out on the buses feeling poorly.

And sometimes I have been known to get privately irritated at plans to meet in places way, way away from public transport, but never complain as such, just internally moan and roll eyes to myself.

So yes, unreasonable to not work/play/live because of not driving, but not unreasonable to not actually drive.

I can't drive, my dp has a license but he got it 20 years ago and hasn't driven since so I certainly wouldn't get in a car with him at the wheel. At the moment it just isn't really needed for either of us and the cost involved would be very large just to learn something we would not use very often. I'm not going to say there aren't moments when I have thought it would be very handy to have a car but they are few and far between.

I did sit down and work it out and it would be cheaper for us to just put some money aside every month for emergency taxis then own a car.

It is too expensive for a lot of people in the circumstances you are referring to learn how to drive, let alone run a car. How on earth do you think an unemployed person or someone on a very low wage is going to afford that?

I cant drive because I have epilepsy. So not allowed. My husband drives, but I'm not dependent on him to go places. I live next to a well connected bus stop and a short walk from a train station.

I have friends who don't drive as they can't afford to learn or keep up a car. I would say it's a good skill to have, but not entirely essential.

YABU unreasonable and judgemental.

Sorry that should be - YABU and judgemental.

I can't drive because I can't afford the lessons. I actually sat down with DH and worked out that it would probably cost a minimum of £1000 just for the lessons and test. Then there's the next £1000 for a half decent, 2nd hand car. So £2000 so far.

Then there's a minimum of £500 per year for insurance, £150 for road tax, £50 for MOT, at least £250 for yearly servicing and £400 for 4 new tyres twice yearly (that's £400 every year to put away).

So firstly I have to find £2000 for the car, minimum lessons and test (if I pass).
Then there's at least another £1350 to find every year on top of that just to keep the car on the road.

So OP, if I would struggle to afford afford a £200 4-5 day camping trip, once a year, with splash out spending money of £140, how on earth do you expect me to fund a car every year

It's all very well not to be able to drive, but what I don't like is when people say that they get public transport, walk, bike, or get the occasional lift. I think it is only reasonable in quite urban places to be able to get away with not driving. I wonder what people do at Christmas if they can't drive? I suppose they do what TrollopDollop's DH's family do and sponge off others.

Also, Molly3478, you can't do the same around here on public transport. My DC's extra-curricular lives would have been greatly curtailed if we (DH and I) hadn't been able to drive them to various clubs.

So, all in all, OP, YANBU. Driving is definitely a life skill, especially in non-urban areas.

I agree with Ilove. We live in a rural area and DD wouldn't have been able to get to all the soft play parties she got invited to when she was little, she wouldn't have been able to get to her swimming lessons, Rainbows/Brownies/Guides and most importantly we would never be able to visit OH's family who live in a very rural part of Northumberland.

I think people who live in an urban area really have no idea how limited public transport is in rural areas.

I wonder what people do at Christmas if they can't drive? I suppose they do what TrollopDollop's DH's family do and sponge off others.

Rubbish, and offensive. I live in a v rural area. 2 buses every 2hrs until 6pm, mon-sat. We manage perfectly well, ds goes to clubs etc and parties and I rely on noone. Am v cross about this.