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AIBU?

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Original poster

Male midwives

180 replies

Magneto · 15/03/2012 22:57

How many of you would be happy to be cared for by a male midwife during pregnancy/labour? Before I had ds I probably wouldn't have been comfortable with it because I was shy/self concious/naive, but now I really wouldn't care all dignity and decorum was lost on the day ds was born.

I have just been reading this facebook post and a couple of the comments are asking questions along the lines of why would a man want to be a midwife, but I say why not?

Is it really that different to having a male gynaecologist (of which there is an abundance!)?

OP posts:
2shoes · 15/03/2012 22:59

I used to think I would hate it, but after suffering at the hands of an inexperienced female midwife, as long as they are good who cares.

WorraLiberty · 15/03/2012 22:59

No difference at all in my book

I think the majority of Doctors and specialists I've seen have been male

effingwotsits · 15/03/2012 23:01

It really wouldn't have bothered me at all. Everyone else has a poke down there why not.

But seriously, In my tiny mind, I imagine I wouldn't or couldn't feel patronised or judged by a male midwife since he knows very well he has only professional experience to draw on. ;rather than all the "I know it hurts" or whatever....

oreocrumbs · 15/03/2012 23:02

I really don't think it would bother me, and certainly by the time I was giving birth I would quite happily have done so in front of any body male/female/or otherwise!!

I can understand that some women who have had bad experiences with men may feel uncomfortable having a man in such an intimate area at such an intimate time though.

Moominsarescary · 15/03/2012 23:02

It wouldn't bother me at all, my consultant is male and fantastic. Far better than the female one I saw when I was admitted as an emergency.

skateboarder · 15/03/2012 23:03

There was a male midwife looking after me and dc3 when I was transferred to hospital after an unassisted homebirth. He was lovely.
When my friend had the same male mw with her dc2 (when I was having dc1) I was adamant I would not want a male mw.

So....yabu i think Wink if that's your question

RagamuffinAndFidget · 15/03/2012 23:03

I wouldn't have been OK with a male midwife, but that's for personal reasons, not because I think men shouldn't be midwives IYSWIM? I saw female consultants during my pregnancies too, for the same reasons.

Shakey1500 · 15/03/2012 23:05

It wouldn't bother me.

emsyj · 15/03/2012 23:05

I had a male obgyn who put his whole fecking arm up my fanjo to attach a clip to DD's head whilst I was in labour. On the basis that that didn't bother me one jot, I think I would be absolutely fine with a male midwife. The female midwives I came across on the labour ward were, without exception, utterly humourless and unsympathetic (and a bit clueless, frankly, as they wrongly told me my waters hadn't broken and at one point threatened to send me home without examining me because I hadn't been in labour long enough to have made any progress - I insisted on being examined and was 9cm dilated with a seriously distressed baby, ending up with crash section Hmm).

So yeah, bring on the male midwives as far as I'm concerned - wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

Debeez · 15/03/2012 23:09

I think it would be easier to get on board with second time round. After the first you don't care who's having a gander as long as things are going as planned. I know they will never go through it themselves but the nicest midwife I had was a girl in her very early twenties who had no kids. She was super sympathic and lovely.

Original poster
Magneto · 15/03/2012 23:11

Skateboarder I have no objections to male midwives at all.

I can understand completely that women who have had bad experiences with men would be more comfortable with a female midwife.

I think my feelings pre-birth were mainly due to the fact that the thought of another person (who wasn't dh of course) seeing intimate parts of my body was one of the worst embarrasing things I could think of! But as I said... then I gave birth Shock so I'm over that now Grin.

OP posts:
WorryDoll · 15/03/2012 23:11

I had the same male midwife for both of my children and he was absolutely brilliant. He was a great help for a slightly neurotic young mum with no family support. I was probably a complete pain in the backside and he was a really big help :)

emsyj · 15/03/2012 23:12

I would agree with that Debeez - before I had a baby, I probably would have been a bit catbumface about the idea of a male midwife. Now, I feel fine about it. The world looks very different when you're in labour I think - and stuff that you would normally be embarrassed or horrified by just doesn't matter at all.

AnnaFender · 15/03/2012 23:13

I would have no problem at all! Pre DC I might have thought it would make me shy/embarrased but my first labour ended all that. I was in labour for more than 30 hours, I had many midwives over several shifts have a good look! Near the end they asked if some students (one was male) could come and have a feel of my cervix and I was just like "may as well, everyone else has!"

breatheslowly · 15/03/2012 23:13

As long as they have small hands it's fine. Same for the women. Grin

NoDontLickThat · 15/03/2012 23:14

I'd be fine with it, when I was in labour with DS I had a female midwife, but then a male doctor examined me, broke my waters etc, and he was followed around by a big group of student doctors too so after that I wouldn't be so concerned about having a male midwife.

Original poster
Magneto · 15/03/2012 23:16

Grin @Breatheslowly. Too true Wink.

OP posts:
Whatevertheweather · 15/03/2012 23:16

A male midwife delivered dd1 - he was fantastic, calm and encouraging and actually I think he helped a lot with involving dp in the whole labour more than a female midwife might have been.

I did raise a wry smile when mid contraction he cheerfully announced that he'd recently retrained and he used to be a fireman Smile

Iggly · 15/03/2012 23:17

I'm not sure. I have had two DCs and think I'd prefer female MWs. I remember being stitched up and a male MW came to have a gander and I was Blush despite being high on g&a.
During labour I wouldn't have given a monkeys I'm sure but for the post birth bit I would.

Theunincredibles · 15/03/2012 23:17

Wouldn't worry me. As long as they deliver baby safe and sound I'm not worried about much else.

lisad123 · 15/03/2012 23:18

I was talking about this with a male friend of mine who is a children's nurse. He was thinking of going into health visiting. I have found males are often nicer ime, more caring and seem to be concerned more about upsetting you than females.

attheendoftheday · 15/03/2012 23:20

Wouldn't bother me either.

Ambi · 15/03/2012 23:21

I used to think it wouldn't bother me at all but I had a male hv and just felt quite uncomfortable and vunerable when he asked about helping breast feeding and stitches healing. I always thought I was open minded but having a strange man in my house at a vunerable time asking such intimate questions was just sooo uncomfortable for me, he was a bit creepy. I think I'd be a little wary on that basis but if I had a male midwife I felt comfortable with, I'd have no problems at all.

ClothesOfSand · 15/03/2012 23:21

Before and after the birth, I'd rather have a woman. During, a marching band could be in the room and I wouldn't care.

gemma4d · 15/03/2012 23:21

I wouldn't be happy discussing constipation etc with a male midwife while pregnant, mainly because I'm used to (and happy with) having a woman.

When in labour I couldn't give a flying fuck about anyone or anything beyond me, the baby, and the next contraction!