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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Male midwives

180 replies

Magneto · 15/03/2012 22:57

How many of you would be happy to be cared for by a male midwife during pregnancy/labour? Before I had ds I probably wouldn't have been comfortable with it because I was shy/self concious/naive, but now I really wouldn't care all dignity and decorum was lost on the day ds was born.

I have just been reading this facebook post and a couple of the comments are asking questions along the lines of why would a man want to be a midwife, but I say why not?

Is it really that different to having a male gynaecologist (of which there is an abundance!)?

OP posts:
GetTheeToANunnery · 16/03/2012 20:12

I had a male doctor there while I gave birth but he wasn't my midwife. He did stick a finger up my bum though afterwards though. He was lovely and didn't make me feel nervous at all

oikopolis · 16/03/2012 20:31

Feel a bit sad for male midwives who might get shit from women (and men I suppose) who tell them they're not fit to do the job etc. or that they make mums uncomfortable Sad

I wouldn't care at all. I would have said a bit differently before having my first Pap smear with a male doctor recently. He was so much nicer than the female nurse I usually go to at the well woman clinic thing! He apologised for hurting me and kept reassuring me it would be over soon.

It's not about whether they've given birth or what their sex is, it's whether they're well trained and compassionate, that's all that matters imo

Trills · 16/03/2012 20:34

Why would a man want to be a midwife?

Why would a woman want to be a midwife?

This is all a part of the devaluation of occupations that are traditionally considered "women's work".

You haven't actually asked an AIBU question so I can't tell you if YABU or YANBU.

Mumsyblouse · 16/03/2012 20:44

There were so many people in the room for my instrumental delivery which had to be done very quickly, I couldn't tell you how many were men and how many were women even now (due to gas and air, general hysteria and the fact lots of them had gowns). On that basis, I couldn't give a shit!

giveitago · 16/03/2012 20:48

Oooh I was worried that the hospital I chose had pretty much all the male midwives in the UK. As it transpired at the end of it all the only decent midwife I had was male - wore aviator sunglasses on the ward - had us all in fits and taught us all how to breastfeed. He had a laugh and a joke and we were more relaxed. I was more than grateful.

Mrbojangles1 · 16/03/2012 21:06

In my view male midwifes and female midwifes who have never had children tend to be much better in my view much more kinder and don't drone on about how many kids they had and all they had was gas and air and how your making far to much fuss

Mrbojangles1 · 16/03/2012 21:07

Trills agreed people don't ask why a man would what t be a gynaecologist do they ?

When it comes to womens issues I think men are much better

bejeezus · 16/03/2012 21:12

when it comes to women's issues, I think men are much better

Now, there's a feminist statement if ever I heard one! Grin

bejeezus · 16/03/2012 21:16

oik I reckon male midwives would have a pretty good understanding of why they will make some mums uncomfortable. I don't expect they take it personally

molly3478 · 16/03/2012 21:17

I think if you are the kind of person who thinks why would a man become... then it is a weird way of thinking.

Why would a man become a nursery worker? paedo

Why would a man become midwife/gynacologist? Loves trying to touch women up

bejeezus · 16/03/2012 21:21

Isn't it mostly men that think along those lines molly?

Likesshinythings · 16/03/2012 21:23

Haven't read the rest of the thread so apologies if I'm repeating things already said or missing the point altogether.
I had a male midwife when I had DS and he was fab - took the attitude that he could have no idea what I was going through so he'd assume it was pretty uncomfortable.
I did ask him why he'd decided on midwifery (thought I should make conversation as he was helping me to express colostrum into a syringe...) and his response that he'd been brought up on a farm in Ireland but there was no money in it so decided that it was the best use of his skills. Women and cows much the same apparently (he was joking, I hasten to add).

Trills · 16/03/2012 21:23

Whoever it is thinking along those lines (men or women), they do so because it is considered beneath men to do "women's work" and so they must have an ulterior motive.

molly3478 · 16/03/2012 21:25

Not always bejeezus I do know women that do think like that. I think if someone is a professional it shouldnt matter.

LilBlondePessimist · 16/03/2012 21:28

Crunchy - your case is obviously not discriminatory or sexist in any way - it is a panic reaction over which you have no control. You should have every right to state beforehand (birth plan etc) that under no circumstances will you allow a male hcp to be present at your labour, and you shouldn't have to explain other than to say that it will distress you, and therefore your baby. My only concern would be, what if the only person qualified to deal with an emergency (should this happen) present was male? If this was your only option, what then? (Not snarky in any way, just an honest question)

CrunchyFrog · 16/03/2012 21:36

In that situation I imagine I would have to cope in whatever way I could.

I am not unusual - there are many women who feel as I do, and no Trills, not because I think it's beneath men. I think it is inappropriate for men to be present unless the woman clearly states that she is OK with it. There is research that demonstrates that women labour better with all-female attendants (Michel Odent I believe.) It is not anything to do with status.

Labour and birth are not cerebral, intellectual activities. It's primal stuff, our reactions are primal.

I do think it's interesting that most of the posts on here are from women who had hospital births. Hospital birth is a male-controlled environment anyway - most OB/GYN are male, especially at consultant level. Birth is expected to conform to male-defined norms (although the partogram has been phased out I believe). Are there any male independent MW? Male doulas?

MyBaby1day · 23/03/2012 04:29

Awful idea...I wouldn't want to be seen by any other man other than my partner!. x

hairytaleofnewyork · 23/03/2012 05:49

Id have no problem (but then I had four obstetricians attend my labour and one saved my dd an my lives - I was in no position to send them away!).

dinkystinkyandveryverybored · 23/03/2012 06:22

Had lovely male midwife on post natal ward from hell after ds1's traumatic birth - he was the only one that bothered to help wiyh bfing and giving ds his meds on time and took time to chat to me about how I was feeling

HipHopOpotomus · 23/03/2012 06:27

I had a male midwife help me establish BF after dd1 was born. He was brilliant!

LetsKateWin · 23/03/2012 06:38

I can't remember the technical term, but I had a scan where they stick a rod up your fanjo. It was done by s male midwife. It didn't bother me at all.
Each to their own really. Some people may not feel comfortable with it and that's their choice.

somewherewest · 23/03/2012 09:26

I have a very sweet retired male midwife friend who I would've much preferred to most of the midwives I got.

TheBigJessie · 23/03/2012 09:38

Makes no difference to me.

A) I hate vaginal examinations full stop. I don't just suddenly stop minding, if I have a female midwife/consultant.

B) The male ones I met seemed to be much more careful, in general, and less blase. Examinations were thus less painful.

Madsometimes · 23/03/2012 13:38

I've said it before and I'll say it again. I had a male midwife for the birth of dd1 and he was beyond brilliant.

I have a condition which makes pregnancy very high risk (heart). My pregnancy was managed at a London teaching hospital, and I was seen by ob/gyn's not midwives. On the day that I gave birth, I was seen in clinic by a female doctor. She wasn't a great communicator. She did an internal, told me I was 3 cm, did a sweep with my consent and sent me straight to the labour ward. So I was feeling quite overwhelmed at this point, and dh was not with me.

Upon arrival at the labour ward, I was greeted by my midwife, Adam. He asked me to change into a hospital gown (I didn't have my case with me), and remove my underwear so he could give me prostin. He then left the room, and I was on my own thinking Noooooo, I don't want a male midwife. By the time he came back, dh had arrived fresh from putting up shelves in the nursery. Adam came back and gave the prostin, and within less than 5 minutes I was in established labour.

I cannot explain in words exactly how supportive he was, but throughout the labour he did not leave my side. He never made me feel like a medical curiosity, even though my pregnancy and labour were very high risk. When I cried for the anaesthetist, he was called. When I was told that I could not have an epidural because I was fully dilated, my midwife encouraged me that I could manage. I was allowed to labour and deliver kneeling up, and although I was tied to monitoring equipment, it was moved to suit me. When dd1 was born with a poor agpar score, he revived her. I couldn't ask more from a midwife.

cuteboots · 23/03/2012 13:43

I did have a slight panic about the student male midwife getting to see my legs akimbo but once the gas and air had taken effect I didnt really give a damn.