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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Male midwives

180 replies

Magneto · 15/03/2012 22:57

How many of you would be happy to be cared for by a male midwife during pregnancy/labour? Before I had ds I probably wouldn't have been comfortable with it because I was shy/self concious/naive, but now I really wouldn't care all dignity and decorum was lost on the day ds was born.

I have just been reading this facebook post and a couple of the comments are asking questions along the lines of why would a man want to be a midwife, but I say why not?

Is it really that different to having a male gynaecologist (of which there is an abundance!)?

OP posts:
gemma4d · 15/03/2012 23:22

Lol, Clothes, agree totally!

ClothesOfSand · 15/03/2012 23:22

The health visitor thing does seem a bit different because you are alone at home.

My community midwife turned up and had to squeeze milk from my breast because I had a blocked duct. It might seem a bit odd if it was a male midwife.

Devora · 15/03/2012 23:23

No problem for me.

WorryDoll · 15/03/2012 23:24

When I was having my first child (DS13) my male midwife, that had been the MW I'd seen all through pregnancy came in on his day off to deliver him.

He broke my waters with the big knitting needle thing when I was in labour with DC2 (DD11).

The only time I ever had any pain from any MW stuff was when the female MW on duty was checking how dilated I was when I was in labour with DC1, before male midwife arrived to take over. I do think women are a bit more matter of fact with the physical stuff than men, and can therefore cause more pain.

BackPackBackPack · 15/03/2012 23:26

I would have said "no" when I first had DC1 but now I had surgery and my gowns are never the way I had them and had bed baths, bed pans brought to me, helped to the toilet, helped into my gown I wouldn't care anymore if the MW was male or female.

On the birth plans I have had in the past has said no male MW, but now I am not bothered.

notdrowningjustwaving · 15/03/2012 23:28

I had a male midwife when I gave birth to DC1. I had absolutely no problem with his maleness, and I think he was doing his job adequately. However, he would not stop bloody yakking and asking me to "talk to him" in between contractions. I'm not sure he'd have wanted to hear what I wanted to say. I was pretty relieved when his shift came to an end. He was just an annoying person, I think, nothing to do with his gender. In any event, as you point out in your OP, chances are you'll have at least one male doctor staring up your fanny at some stage in the process, so the fact that a male nurse may do so isn't a big deal.

WilsonFrickett · 15/03/2012 23:52

Agree with everyone else. Pre-labour, I would have run away screaming never have considered it, now? Meh. But good luck persuading any other first timer....

iCANdothisiCAN · 15/03/2012 23:52

My labour and delivery was pretty fucking traumatic and was not helped at all by the shite "we"ll see how it goes" female midwife who managed to completely ignore me screaming in pain.

Once ds's hearbeat had dropped to 40bpm for 10 fucking minutes she finally pressed the button.

In ran 2 male consultants a male anesthetist and 2 male student doctors. They were fantastic. Immediately insisted I needed an epidural (horrible midwife still tried to argue against it Angry )

Examined me for the first time in 2 hours announced I was fully dilated and did what needed to be done. It was scary as shit but I just felt total faith in them. (stupid midwife just stood there looking confused).

At least 2 of them were up to their shoulders up there, at separate times must add, didn't enter my head to care.

Loads of male doctors looked after me for the next 10th days, they were fab. Every single one of them. They all made me feel like they genuinely cared and made me feel really important.

Some of the female ones were nice but I have to say a lot of them were very dismissive, very much a "you've only had a baby, it wasn't that bad, get over it" sort of attitude.

Bit of rant there! Basically, yy to male staff of all kinds during pregnancy, birth and aftercare!

(could have done without all of that post and just skipped straight to the last para. Sorry, stupid mw still makes me Angry )

befuzzled · 15/03/2012 23:56

i had a male midwife at delivery of ds3 - never met him before the birth but I think they did say at the beginning a male midwife is on tonight as the senior midwife, are you ok with that. I was. i don't care as long as someone helps me get my baby out. He was very good - got the job done.

blondieminx · 16/03/2012 00:06

On the ward at 2am after having DD, had a lovely male midwife sit up with me discussing bf positions. He had the kindest loveliest bedside manner Smile ... He's the only male midwife at our hosp and delivered my friend's DD too and when she came over to visit we talked about how lovely he was and had a hormonal cry about it him being so nice. I then bumped into him at a MSLC meeting and told him this and he was so sweet. Lovely man. Smile

Rhinosaurus · 16/03/2012 00:13

Wow doesn't this turn the Mumsnet PC brigade inclusive ethos on its head......

imagine the fus if this was "Oh i don't want a Muslim (for example, generalising on race/religion etc) midwife, what difference substiutiing muslim for male?

why pick and choose, if a male was saying, oh "I don't want a female GP you would all be up in arms".. playing the sexist card

shame on you!

Ozziegirly · 16/03/2012 03:00

I disagree rhinosaurus - my DH is currently being investigated for internal haemorroids and othet bleeding issues and has expressed a preference for a male Dr.

I had a male midwife after delivering my DS to assist me with breastfeeding issues and I felt totally fine about it. Most people, Drs, midwives, other mums and their guests had seen my breasts by this point so I didn't really mind someone else having a squeeze.

ErikNorseman · 16/03/2012 04:48

Don't be ridiculous rhinosaurus

Giving birth is a very vulnerable time and involves genitals being examined and on display. Social convention is that we don't show genitals to people of the opposite gender generally so it isn't something that people are usually comfortabl with and when you ate in labour you need to be comfortable. There is a big difference between a man assisting you to give birth and a man doing a smear test for example. Even so, I think people should have the right to request same gender medic for any intimate procedure if they wish.

There are no social conventions around being naked with people from different religions so that comparison makes no sense.

RealLifeIsForWimps · 16/03/2012 05:01

I think it's slightly different because birth is an active process and for optimal results, a woman needs to feel as comfortable and relaxed as possible, so introducing a male midwife into a labour where the birthing mother was, for whatever reason, not comfortable with it, may derail the labour.

Kayano · 16/03/2012 05:32

It shouldn't bother me

But who am I kidding, it probably would :S

Iggly · 16/03/2012 06:38

Bollocks Rhino.

Lying there legs akimbo, Fanjo ripped to shreds and bleeding, you want a woman (while I would) seeing to me especially with the hormones raging, boobs probably hanging out etc post birth.

Of course it matters.

Walkinginwonderland · 16/03/2012 06:52

I've had two kids and would prefer an all female staff tbh, nothing against male midwives, haven't had bad experiences with men, just my preference. It's nothing to do with embarrassment, as I have little shame.

DucketyDuckDuck · 16/03/2012 06:52

I had a male midwife look after me once I got on ward, he was fantastic. Felt like I mattered. Then he went off shift!

Downhill after that.

Stratters · 16/03/2012 06:55

I had a male midwife, there's a poster here who has had the same one, and we both thought he was fantastic.

Haribojoe · 16/03/2012 06:57

I had a male midwife with me for the birth of DS3 and am planning for the same midwife to be with me when I have hb with DC4 (hopefully any day now). The care he has given me has been just as good as any female midwife I've had.

Codandchops · 16/03/2012 06:57

As a midwife I have worked with one or two male midwives and they have been brilliant. One of them I knew really well and in comparison with some female midwives I would have chosen him any day, he is now working as a community midwife and has been in the job over 20 years.

Megatron · 16/03/2012 07:02

I had a male midwife with DS. He was beyond wonderful and made a really tricky labour bearable. I was gutted when I didn't have him again with DD he really was fantastic, as was the female one I had with DD too.

SydSaid · 16/03/2012 07:11

With child 1 I had a female midwife who was also a mother. Child 2 I had a childless midwife. The second one was by far the better midwife. She actually listened and didn't dismiss what I was saying, then after checking realised I was right. This happened more than once with midwife 1.

Personally, I think if a woman who has not gone through labour can be an exceptional midwife, I see no reason why a man couldn't be too.

As a midwife, he will have seen many fanjos and helped many women breatfeed. I would be fine with it.

Although I suspect my ex would have had an issue with it.

PinkPeanuts · 16/03/2012 07:27

I'm due to give birth next week in the same hospital where two family members have had male midwives within the past 9 months. I think I may have been uncomfortable with the idea prior to hearing their experiences but both talked about how pleased they were and how well they'd been looked after durring delivery. Stupidly, it wouldn't have even crossed my mind that male midwives even existed before, but now I know there's a possibility of one delivering my child next week, I'm very much at ease with it.

Kaloobear · 16/03/2012 07:29

I wouldn't mind in the slightest whether my midwife was male or female or had had children or not.