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AIBU?

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Original poster

Male midwives

180 replies

Magneto · 15/03/2012 22:57

How many of you would be happy to be cared for by a male midwife during pregnancy/labour? Before I had ds I probably wouldn't have been comfortable with it because I was shy/self concious/naive, but now I really wouldn't care all dignity and decorum was lost on the day ds was born.

I have just been reading this facebook post and a couple of the comments are asking questions along the lines of why would a man want to be a midwife, but I say why not?

Is it really that different to having a male gynaecologist (of which there is an abundance!)?

OP posts:
Maccapaccawacca · 16/03/2012 09:20

Its sexist that this question comes up. No one bats an eyelid about having a male obstetrician help them out in labour.

Why should the motivation for a man wanting to be a midwife be any different to a woman wanting to do it?

And just becuase they will never experience labour makes them no less of a midwife. I don't think all oncologists have had cancer. I don't think everyone in A&E has been in a RTA....and yet they are trusted to know their job.

As with all professions there will be good & bad within and whether they have a willy or not is, at best, irrelevant.

valiumredhead · 16/03/2012 09:22

I definitely think you should be able to choose.

Maccapaccawacca · 16/03/2012 09:26

Of course women have a right to choose but how many exercise this right when they just don't much like the female midwife who is caring for them?

NichyNoo · 16/03/2012 09:26

For labour I really wouldn't care - too much pain to be bothered about modesty and decorum.

However, in Belgium you tend to stay in hospital for a few days after the birth and get great aftercare. For me this involved twice-daily washing of my (vaginal) stitches, help latching on (i.e. midwife grappling my boobs and massaging blocked ducts. Graphic advice on how to poo. If I'm honest I think that I may have felt embarrassed if these intimate actions were performed by a male midwife when I wasn't in the throes of labour but in a 'normal' situation.

Maccapaccawacca · 16/03/2012 09:29

Its quite insulting to the male midwives, who are just as qualified and motivated, to say "oh while i'm in loads of pain and I don't care you can look after me, but after that I want someone else"

JustForMe · 16/03/2012 09:37

I see no issues with male midwives...its wonderful that they want to do it just like anyone else...personally though im quite shy and self conscious even after having DS and still dont think I would be comfortable...I'm barely comfortable with a woman lol so nothing against men.

molly3478 · 16/03/2012 09:38

Doesnt bother me in the slightest men are usually the doctors anyway also with stitches or anything happening down there that needs to be fixed after birth its usually a man that fixes it so dont see a problem really.

molly3478 · 16/03/2012 09:41

I will also add that women do the armed forces medicals and touch the mens balls when they do that cough thing. What is the womans motivation there?She just wants to touch loads of mens cocks? Hmm

PropertyNightmare · 16/03/2012 09:42

Not for me. I could understand having to consent to a male consultant or ambulance crew etc during the birth if things were going wrong or there was an emergency but I would not want to be looked after by a male midwife as standard. Birth is stressful enough without feeling uncomfortable around your carers. I think it is very much an each to their own situation and opinions will vary widely on this topic.

anychocswilldo · 16/03/2012 09:47

I think I'd b fine with a male midwife but I would b very uncomfortable having a male hv. Think its prob coz in labour it seems like everybody has 'had a look' and let's face u don't really care who's looking! It feels more personal with a hv.

ariadne1 · 16/03/2012 09:48

I refused to have a male midwife, but ironically was then delivered by a male gynae senior registrar, which I didn't mind.I thionk because gynaecologists are much higher trained whereas almost anybody could train to be a midwife, there is a big difference

puffinnuffin · 16/03/2012 09:55

I had a male midwife. He was absolutely horrible. Very uncaring, insensitive, no help with breastfeeding- he didn't offer any, just told me I had to get on with it. He also started having ago at me about being a primary school teacher and teacher bashing about his child's reading books whilst I was in labour!

My little girl was 5 weeks premature and should have gone straight to SCBU. She hadn't been feeding properly but I wasn't aware of this and had all sorts of problems which he hadn't picked up on (hospital were very short staffed that night). It took 2 days before she ended up with SCBU with feeding tubes and stayed there for 2 weeks.

He was completely incompetent. His involvement put me off having any more children. It took 7 years to have another child because I didn't want to go through another traumatic birth experience.

When it came to having my second child in the same hospital I specifically asked not to have another male midwife. I was then told he had actually been struck off and since discovered that a baby in very similar circumstances to my first labour had died in his care.

This may be an extreme case and it maybe about the character of that particular midwife but no I would not be happy having a male midwife or such a very personal thing where you are in such a vunerable position.

architeuthis · 16/03/2012 09:57

"almost anybody could train to be a midwife,"

When my mum trained as a midwife there were 25 applicants for every place. There were 19 per place when I applied to study medicine in 1994. Both courses have their pick of applicants - yes, anyone could apply for training as either a medic or midwife but very few will be successful.

EasilyBored · 16/03/2012 10:01

I don't think it would bother me. I thought, when pregnant, that there was no way I was going to be naked when I gave birth; I didn't do topless or even bra-less in front of anyone but my husband. When it actually came down to it, I couldn't have given less of a crap what I was wearing or who was having a good poke around down there, and in the end it felt like the whole world was having a good rummage. I think a male midwife would be able to offer a slightly different perspective too maybe? No one bats an eye at a male ob/gyn consultant, don't see why midwives should be different?

cakewench · 16/03/2012 10:02

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest. In fact, it would probably be nice to have someone caring for me who wasn't interjecting their own experiences giving birth into my particular case. (Yes, I realise if they are professional, a female midwife won't do this, however I know many of us have experienced otherwise.)

dontaskwhereIlive · 16/03/2012 10:06

I don't care as long as people are kind to me.

cakewench · 16/03/2012 10:09

And well, fwiw, I had several female midwives, and more than a few of them were completely uncaring and insensitive, despite the literally screaming pain I was in after the birth I was just left with several of them trotting in and out of the room, telling me to keep it down. When someone finally listened to me (thank bob I was in a hospital and someone had "had enough of me" and rung the consultant), the (male) consultant came in, had a prod around and sent me to theatre straightaway. I'd only lost 2 litres of blood by that point. Five hours after I'd given birth.

I'm sorry but being male or female has nothing to do with whether or not you're competent. I'm only stresses the genders here because I'm just now reading comments about lovely females and males who have no idea what they're doing. Why? The females magically know because they have ovaries, and the men just are clueless? Incredibly sexiest, tbh.

buttonmoon78 · 16/03/2012 10:16

I couldn't care less. Casting my mind back, I might have felt a bit odd with one with dc1 but after that? Who cares!

FWIW, I have a male HV. He's lovely.

GnomeDePlume · 16/03/2012 10:28

I think that anyone should be allowed to say 'I dont want X/Y/Z involved in my care'. This could be because of gender or personality clash.

So far as is possible this request should be honoured. We none of us all get on with everyone and the processes involved in healthcare can be very intimate.

To me the most important things are obviously the quality of treatment but also being respected as an adult and having my dignity maintained being an important part of any process. Too often I read on MN that when having a baby one has to 'check in dignity at the door'. This attitude I think builds in an acceptance of poor care.

WinterLover · 16/03/2012 10:29

I had a male midwife for some of my check ups and to be honest out of all the ones I saw he was the only one who listened and helped me. I had a large cyst that was causing a lot of pain, the other midwives just told me the 'pain' I was getting was normal for pregnancy.. luckily he got me to see the consultant 3 weeks before it ruptured and I was admitted to hospital!

It didnt bother me that he was male, and it wouldnt concern me in the future either :)

buttonmoon78 · 16/03/2012 10:30

But yes, I do think that there should be patient choice, whatever that patient is in for, wherever possible.

Archemedes · 16/03/2012 10:37

I've often found older midwifes to be quite callous because they are hardy and have had 30 years exp. they expect everyone else to be the same.

So aslong as there good who cares?

duckdodgers · 16/03/2012 10:39

ariadne1 I refused to have a male midwife, but ironically was then delivered by a male gynae senior registrar, which I didn't mind.I thionk because gynaecologists are much higher trained whereas almost anybody could train to be a midwife, there is a big difference

Right, I think you are going to have explain this 1 further. Because as it is it makes no sense - you didnt want a male midwife because he was male - ok with a male Doctor - because hes more "highly trained" than a MW - but I assume you would have been perfectly happy with a female midwife - who will have had exactly the same training as a male MW! Wheres the sense in the reasoning?

AKMD · 16/03/2012 10:43

I wouldn't mind having a male midwife. What difference does it make?

MadameChinLegs · 16/03/2012 10:45

I do think you should be able to 'opt out' of being in a specific person's care. Be that a male midwife, maybe the MW who delivered your last baby and of which you have negative memories, etc.