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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Male midwives

180 replies

Magneto · 15/03/2012 22:57

How many of you would be happy to be cared for by a male midwife during pregnancy/labour? Before I had ds I probably wouldn't have been comfortable with it because I was shy/self concious/naive, but now I really wouldn't care all dignity and decorum was lost on the day ds was born.

I have just been reading this facebook post and a couple of the comments are asking questions along the lines of why would a man want to be a midwife, but I say why not?

Is it really that different to having a male gynaecologist (of which there is an abundance!)?

OP posts:

CrunchyFrog · 16/03/2012 07:33

Rhino, bollocks to you.

I happily (well, not happily...) have a male GP for smears or other stuff when not labouring. I'm more than happy to see anyone of any gender for checkups in pg.

But no. I don't want a man anywhere near me when being induced/ in labour/ immediately post birth. It's not rational, it's visceral. It's not a mild preference, it's a panic reaction.

I shouldn't have to explain myself, and in fact, I didn't - male MW was preparing for a VE and I nearly let him do it, but he noticed how upset I was, and asked if I'd prefer a woman.

Unlike the doctors, who appear to consider themselves above gender. I was talking about this on F/WR yesterday actually. The male doctor insisted on having a reason for me not wanting him to perform internals. I explained, he laughed and said, "but i'm not going to attack you!" and went ahead without my permission.

I genuinely don't care if I'm sexist on this issue. People who have been past victims of abuse or rape shouldn't have to explain themselves, certainly shouldn 't be dismissed. Nobody should have procedures without consent, but it happens all the time.

SydSaid · 16/03/2012 07:41

CrunchyFrog, how awful that the doctor carried on without your consent. IMO that is assault.

Don't let rhino worry you. S/he seems to like making broad statements without taking into account individual circumstances. The vast majority of people would understand your reasons. Medical care is not and should not be a one size fits all.

exoticfruits · 16/03/2012 07:48

It is immaterial. Are they good at their job is all that matters. However I think that women should get the choice.

SardineQueen · 16/03/2012 07:53

I think that in situations involving genitals, bums and (for women) breasts, teh option to see someone of the same sex should be offered, where possible.

exoticfruits · 16/03/2012 07:56

I agree SardineQueen-I think that men just have to put up with 'don't be so silly, I've seen it all before'.

PosiePumblechook · 16/03/2012 07:56

I had a male midwife with DS2, I have to say, even though he was lovely, I preferred a woman.

corlan · 16/03/2012 07:58

I had a male midwife - he was good - best thing about him was that his name was Jesus!

Shutupanddrive · 16/03/2012 08:01

It wouldn't bother me at all

Hecubasdaughter · 16/03/2012 08:01

I know a male MW who is fantastic at the job.. All I care is that they know what they are doing.

Hecubasdaughter · 16/03/2012 08:02

I know a male MW who is fantastic at the job.. All I care is that they know what they are doing.

SardineQueen · 16/03/2012 08:03

I think that men should have the option of seeing a male HCP for anything of a personal nature, if it is practical.

I guess in the past (quite a long way back now) it was usually been the case that men had no choice but a female nurse, and women had no choice but a male doctor. Now there are lots of women doctors but still not many male nurses so I guess the option isn't there in the same way.

In the past midwives would all have been women as well so this situation is a new (ish) one.

NotInMyDay · 16/03/2012 08:06

There a male midwife shown on OBEM last season. He made me cry as he was such a gem.

Many female MWs haven't given birth or had c sections only so it doesn't bother me.

Breastfeeding councellors who haven't breastfed successfully I find odd though.

noinspiration · 16/03/2012 08:07

I would be happy with either a male or a female MW provided they were good at their job and knew what they were doing.

frumpet · 16/03/2012 08:11

Personally in a health care setting i dont care whether a person is male or female.

I am a nurse though and regularly have to provide intimate care to both male and female patients of all ages , the key is to be respectful of the feelings of the person and to be gentle , basically treat them how you would want to be treated yourself.

treadwarily · 16/03/2012 08:17

I don't know but a friend had one whose surname was Doctor so he was known as Mr Sister Doctor which I found a trifle amusing

Rollersara · 16/03/2012 08:25

Re size of hands, the most painful exam I had was the first when a midwife was trying to reach my cervix, which apparently was quite far back. I wasn't prepared at all and her hand must have been in to the knuckle, someone with longer fingers would have been very welcome!

Having said that, during the whole pregnancy to DD now 5 weeks old, the only male HCP I saw was the anaetheist. Everyone else, consultants, student doctors, OTs, midwives, physios was female, although I like to think I wouldn't have been bothered either way...

GnomeDePlume · 16/03/2012 08:26

I had a male m/w for both DC2 and 3 plus his wife had their first at the same time as we had DC1 so we were kind of nodding aquaintances.

I far preferred him to any of the female m/ws I had had and found him very empathetic. He helped me get my head round being sterilised (when DC3 was born) as he had just had a vasectomy. It wasnt that there was a problem with having it done just that he understood about the finallity of it.

Possibly it helps that I grew up in quite a male household.

catgirl1976 · 16/03/2012 08:31

I would be fine. My female midwife had never had children so they would have been the same in respect of neither of them had actually gone through pregnancy and birth

MadameChinLegs · 16/03/2012 08:34

I am a major prude. HATE bearing my wares to anyone except DH. But I would have had no problem with a male MW either during my pregnancy or at the birth. As it was, I ended up needing intervention so ended up with a bloke administering my Epi, another one stirrupping me up and another one who parked himself at the exit for what felt like about an hour while they got my DD out. It was also the male staff/docs/nurses who cleaned me up and stiched me up, and kept checking on me while I recovered from my epi.

As long as someonse is qualified appropriately. And as long as they have a good bedside manner.

chairmanofthebored · 16/03/2012 08:59

I wouldn't have a problem at all, after all many of the obs are male. The whole thing is so fucking undignified anyway. I agree with ClothesOfSand, quite possibly a whole bloody football team could be there, i just wanted it over with!

valiumredhead · 16/03/2012 09:02

There was a lovely one at Lewisham hospital 10 years ago - he was on shift while I was in after having ds. Lovely man and I had no problems with him being male.

Psammead · 16/03/2012 09:11

Wouldn't bother me in the least.

valiumredhead · 16/03/2012 09:15

Thinking back when I had internal scans it was the males that insisted on modesty sheets and generally gave me a bit more dignity than female scanners and consultants.

southeastastra · 16/03/2012 09:19

i wouldn't have wanted a male midwife

CrunchyFrog · 16/03/2012 09:19

So, those of you who think it's no problem - do you support women's right to choose? Or should those of us who do struggle with it just have to put up and shut up?

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