About mil and fil's wedding anniversary? V long, for non drip-feeding purposes.

[bibbityisaporker]

My inlaws are celebrating their golden wedding anniversary at about this time next year and dh and his brother have already started planning their celebrations. This is actually mainly down to bil ... he likes to plan way ahead.

Anyway, there has been talk of us all going away for a week together, to which dh and I have said a plain "no thank you". This is because we do not get on particularly well with bil and sil and their children, can usually tolerate about 2 days in their company, but after that it all gets A BIT MUCH iykwim. Also, dh is self employed and never but never takes more than 4 days off in a row (and that is only at Christmas) except for our 2 week family holiday in the summer.

Right, so we are not going to go away for a whole week, so now the proposal is a long weekend but mil has got her heart set on this extra special cottage which is going to cost £3,000 for 4 nights - partly because it will be in the Easter holidays next year and I guess we have to pay for the full week

Mil and fil are very very low income, infact they are both living on state pension and a few top-up benefits. So bil proposed to dh that they share the cost of the accommodation (£1500 each).

Now am I bu to think that £1500 is a lot to spend on your parents golden wedding anniversary present??

To put it in context, dh is a highish earner, but not 6 figures, and our budget for our family holiday is about £3,000. We spend about £50 - £100 on each other for our birthdays, about the same on the children. I have a very significant birthday coming up this year and dh is going to buy me a laptop, I have never had one. So we are comfortably off but not rolling in it.

I am miffed that mil and pil would think this is fair and reasonable too, tbh.

Over to you lot.

YANBU. £1,500 is a lot of money to spend on your parents anniversary. You'll just have to tell BIL you can't afford it.

Its far too much to spend, and you need to tell Bil that. Dinner out is more appropriate imo

Yanbu

Good Lord. What an astonishing amount of money to be expected to pay towards a weekend break for your ILs. Because that will be just the start. There's food to be bought, activities to be arranged and paid for and the actual cost of getting there.

Nope. You and DH have discussed it and that just won't be possible. Perhaps a lower cost cottage, to be booked on a weekend when it isn't high season. Alternatively, you would be delighted to take your PILs out to somewhere special for a lunch. Your BIL is most welcome to do the break with his parents, but you regret that you won't be do that particular one.

YANBU.

Far too much.

YANBU. The only thing I can suggest to make things fairer is if you and BIL can somehow split things so each family get a few days in the cottage before or after the actual wedding celebration, so its a family holiday as well? But that's probably unlikely, and MIL is going to have to adjust her expectations!

Good grief I've just realished it's for 4 days !

Oh thats ways too much to spend, they really should not be suggesting a massively expensive cottage when really its the company that should be important.

YADNBU.

That is just plain bonkers - are MIL and FIL aware of the actual cost?

Plently of nice places you can get for 1/2 that money!

I just think its absolutely extreme and very unrealistic,if they are on such a low income surely sense tells them that rather than have a 4 day 3k holiday itd be better for you all to share a meal perhaps an overnight stay in london at a show and perhaps 'sensible' gifts?

Im sure that if my parents were in that situation (i have none) id rather make sure they got a lovely treat and then perhaps a few extra quid here and there when unexpected things happen.

YANBU, there is no way we could afford something like this - our own family holiday costs no more than £500 and I don't know if we can afford that this year . What does your DH think? If you can't afford it, don't be railroaded by your BIL. My DSis often has BIG IDEAS about family dos, which I have to temper with as much tact as I can. We do sometimes fall out a bit, but we get over it.

My pils paid for their own Golden Wedding party, and didn't want gifts, but donations to charity. I gave them something personal as well.

I say that's too much to spend as well.

Please don't worry too much though, I think you just need to be direct and clear yet positive.

"BIL, thats such a great idea but we just don't have that in our budget right now. How about a lovely special lunch out, or maybe something else? Lets discuss all our ideas!"

Urgh! Other people spending your money for you. It gets on my nerves too. It's a bit rich of MIL having "her heart set" on this cottage when she knows that she can't afford to pay for it too.

What does your DH think about all this? It sounds to me as though £1500 would be a lot for a long weekend that you'll all enjoy, let alone one that will involve your DH taking time off work and you all getting a bit stressed.

I'd also love to know what this cottage is like! We've booked a lovely cottage, right on the beach, and big enough for us and both sets of GP in August and it isn't as expensive as that one! Plus don't forget that as well as the transport/food/entertainment costs, your DH will lose money taking the time off (being self employed). And I would bet cold hard cash (yours, of course ) that you will have to take the PILs out for a lovely anniversary meal together while you're there - your treat, of course.

I'm quite shocked that someone on such a low income would expect such an expensive gift, and as said above, the price accommodation is just the start of it. You have to say a firm no or you will resent being rail-roaded.

I think it's odd to spend so much on someone else's anniversary. I think a wedding anniversary is primarily a celebration for the two people who are married, so although it's nice for others to remember and buy a gift, you shouldn't be put under pressure to spend so much.

I would be honest with BIL and just say that it's too much.

My other feeling is that it's a bit wrong for your mil to have 'set her heart'on something that she isn't having to pay for. £1500, is a big ask!

£3000 for 4 nights Is it a gold-plated cottage?

I can't believe anyone would think that was reasonable, especially if they wouldn't be prepared/able to pay that themselves.

I would be very very clear to your BIL and stress that this is absolutely not going to happen and that you cannot afford it. It is very easy to get carried away on these joint present ideas. My BIL earns probably 10 times what we do and has suggested some presents in the past that we've had to say "sorry, out of the question" but I think even he'd draw the line at that.

I am too, noseynoonoo . The thing about this place, it is very special, its an iconic landmark in their favourite holiday town and I guess they have been saying to each other for 50 years "Oh I'd love to have a holiday there one day". But I doubt they would expect dh or bil to pay for them to spend a couple of nights in the Savoy Hotel or the equivalent. Its like they aren't really thinking about how much hard cash it is. I've just looked at the website and it is actually £700 per night (for this year - next years prices aren't published yet!) so it would be £1400 for us and £1400 for bil.

If you can´t afford it, it´s too much!

Why not a smallish get together on the day & hire the cottage when affordable?
(If it ever is).

My parents had their golden anniversary last year. Me and my brother split the cost of three Premier Inn rooms - one for parents, one each for me and brothers's family. We booked inclusive dinner and breakfast at the table table next door.

We had a fab time, the kids were all going to sit in gp's room, we had a pre lunch drink, then while parents got ready we went ott with gold balloons, gold confetti on the table, banners etc. on the dinner table. We had a really nice gold cake made, had the table table serve up champagne when we went in - the staff were great. Next morning we all met up for a family. Real fast which was lovely.
Cost was £300 with cake and champagne plus drinks for six adults and four children.

Not as posh as a very special cottage, but you don't need to spend 10 times what we spent, I bet you won't have ten times as much fun!!

I agree. It's too much. For a week it would be way too much...that it's for four days is just daft!

As for mil having her heart set on it - well, tough tbh. She can't afford it, so it's not gonna happen. That's the way it goes.

Crikey - can you link to the cottage? I'd love to see what you get for that amount of money for four days!! I'm sure you could get somewhere cheaper - or do you have to go away at all? What's wrong with a meal in a lovely restaurant? Sympathising as have been roped into week away with MIL to celebrate her birthday - totally unnecessary in my opinion especially as we then have to celebrate on the day itself with a meal with bil and family. Have given in for a quiet life (certainly not costing £3,000 - we have found a gorgeous cottage on beach in Cornwall for £600 at Easter).

The odd thing is that dh earns quite a bit more than bil. Perhaps we are being mean? I just think he's gone a bit mad for even contemplating it. We spent something like £250 on their blooming Christmas present (another joint venture with bil and sil).

Would it be possible to go to that cottage for a long weekend (the 4 nights) outside of the Easter holidays? It would still be pricey, but it wouldn't be £3k. And 'holiday towns' are packed beyond belief at Easter.

Actually, Narked, that is their standard price. They don't seem to have a premium for the Easter holidays. In peak season it is £750 per night.