About mil and fil's wedding anniversary? V long, for non drip-feeding purposes.

[bibbityisaporker]

My inlaws are celebrating their golden wedding anniversary at about this time next year and dh and his brother have already started planning their celebrations. This is actually mainly down to bil ... he likes to plan way ahead.

Anyway, there has been talk of us all going away for a week together, to which dh and I have said a plain "no thank you". This is because we do not get on particularly well with bil and sil and their children, can usually tolerate about 2 days in their company, but after that it all gets A BIT MUCH iykwim. Also, dh is self employed and never but never takes more than 4 days off in a row (and that is only at Christmas) except for our 2 week family holiday in the summer.

Right, so we are not going to go away for a whole week, so now the proposal is a long weekend but mil has got her heart set on this extra special cottage which is going to cost £3,000 for 4 nights - partly because it will be in the Easter holidays next year and I guess we have to pay for the full week

Mil and fil are very very low income, infact they are both living on state pension and a few top-up benefits. So bil proposed to dh that they share the cost of the accommodation (£1500 each).

Now am I bu to think that £1500 is a lot to spend on your parents golden wedding anniversary present??

To put it in context, dh is a highish earner, but not 6 figures, and our budget for our family holiday is about £3,000. We spend about £50 - £100 on each other for our birthdays, about the same on the children. I have a very significant birthday coming up this year and dh is going to buy me a laptop, I have never had one. So we are comfortably off but not rolling in it.

I am miffed that mil and pil would think this is fair and reasonable too, tbh.

Over to you lot.

Why does anyone have to be made to feel that they have to spend 3k on someone else's anniversary? Presents from family and friends at a wedding, sure no problem, a card and flowers, or a meal for a big milestone, nice thought if you can do it. I wouldn't ever expect my children to celebrate to this extent with me and DH on a big anniversary. If anything we would be covering costs to have what we wanted, after all we would if had plenty of time to save for a buggy like A golden anniversary.

Biggy, stupid iPhone

How on earth do your in-laws expect to be able to pay for this on a state pension? It seems incredibly presumptuous of them to assume someone else would pay?!

I wouldn't feel at all bad about saying no because...

I would NEVER expect my kids to shell out that kind of money for me. That is just awful.

It's their anniversary, so they should take responsibility for it themselves anyway.

Could you suggest doing something else for the GW, but for BIL to 'treat' PILs & his own family to a weekend at fancy dream cottage at a later, off peak date? Since it's his 'brilliant' idea...

That way it'd be much less of a rip off for BIL, & you & dh wouldn't have to pay through the nose for a long weekend you won't enjoy if you begrudge the expense (& I really don't blame you!) & also don't enjoy prolonged exposure to BIL's family...

It's just ridiculous. It's like daydreaming about what you'd do if you won the lottery.

Just say quite firmly, "Sorry, MIL, if we win on the lottery, we'll book you and FIL in. But there's no way on this earth we can afford to pay £1500 for four nights accommodation, particularly not when there'd be meals out and activities as well. We just don't have it."

perhaps MIL has some money put away that she was expecting to pay for her and FIL's share?

Bet you my house she doesn't, cornsilk!

Please come back and tell us how the big talk goes at Easter OP!

DP and I have just booked a week long Mediterranean cruise, plus 4 days in Palma, for £1400 over the May Bank holiday.

Med cruise OR 4 nights bunking up with nine others in an English cottage? Hmm, let me think...

Thing is, you could send the pair of them off somewhere sunny for a week for less than £600, especially if you didn't have to accommodate the kids by going outside of term time. Do they travel much? That could be a much cheaper alternative. You'd still be spending around £300 quid though, which is a lot, but less than 1.5K!

What about one night instead of four?

Are you sure MIL actually suggested this cottage? Seems just a bit too absurd for her to do that, if she knows how much it is. Maybe she just mentioned it looked amazing and BIL/SIL jumped in? YANBU!

See, I have to say, I would look at it in exactly the same way Doodelz does. If you can afford it (and if it was me, I's scrimp and save a bit if I had to), it is such a lovely opportunity to treat the people that you care for. For my parent's 30th anniversary, my sisters and I sent them to Rome (as that was where they went on their Honeymoon). For DP's Mum and Dad's 35th (they had a big party) we bought lots of champagne. DP's Mum cried her eyes out, as no-one had ever given / bought them champagne before, ever. Their whole evening was spent posing with a champagne bottle, taking photos of them opening it, pouring glasses, toasting, etc. Sometimes a little luxury is wonderful. They truly loved it.

DP and I are not loaded, btw. In fact, we have been struggling by for several years (the aforementioned celebrations took place when we were both in well paid jobs, before the recession crippled us). However, we are now getting back on our feet. Currently, we are planning an engagement party for my sister and her fiancée. I just love throwing big celebrations for the people I care about. Obviously, if you cannot afford it, then it won't be an option. Personally, I would prioritise a big, loud, crazy family celebration over a holiday. Some people wouldn't. Sorry, I'm waffling. Teeny bit tipsy. Plus I just love a big, fat, family party .

We rented this place a few years ago:

www.sowerbysholidaycottages.co.uk/norfolk-holiday-cottages/coastguard's-cottage.html

Was fab and half the price!

I agree with Shadows.

A golden wedding is such a special occasion and it would be lovely for your PILs to spend it with their sons, DILs and grandchildren in a place they've always dreamt of staying at. The memories will probably see them through their old age

Do an on-line shop so food and wine and flowers are delivered to the cottage. Menu plan and get the sons to do the cooking. Take board games and DVDs that the whole family can enjoy together. Take lots of photos and video footage of the weekend.

I think it would be worth sacrificing your annual family holiday to make such a wonderful memory for the man and woman who raised your husband.

Bonkers.

Been in similar situation ... Even
Seeing your in laws and whole situation on best possible light, in my experience when you say yes to one suggestion, another one follows and an expectation is created. Think carefully if this will lead your mil and Fil to think that there will be subsequent family hols. Agree that it sounds like bil's suggestion though

But daisy, they can still do this celebration somewhere else! It doesn't have to cost 3k!

Say NO op!

You must update us at Easter. Stand your ground. His parents have a bloody cheek if they 'exoect' this.

And I don't get this gratitude to those who raised your other half. Very strange.

I would never expect gratitude from anyone for raising my children. Much less a £3k weekend away. In fact, I would be totally embarrassed if my dcs felt they had to spend that much on my wedding anniversary.

I think your bil and pil need to grow up and get a big grip on reality.

Is it the House in the Clouds by any chance, OP? If so, I can see why your MIL likes the idea - but it's not that great if you actually stay there. We went there for a music weekend many years ago.

Can you suggest going Fri-Sun a few weeks before Easter so they can stop in their dream location and it costs you ~£700 a family? I suspect Easter weekend is going to be even more expensive than you think if the £700 is the flat rate per night off-peak.

Sorry, but £3k on a weekend that doesn't involve going on a flight somewhere and/or having some staff to do the cooking cleaning? That's a lot of money to do the same as every other weekend but with less stuff, less space and having to wait for your FIL to finish before you can go to the loo.

For the price of one night at this place, you could book your PIL in to the Savoy for 2 nights (with breakfast). You could then take them to dinner/lunch somewhere nice for the family celebration and still spend less than £3k.

But then I dont think you need a big family talk about it, just a quick call to MIL from DH saying "hi Mum, we costed up the place you like, but it'd be £1.5k each for DB and I before anyone's eaten anything or done anything, and we just can't afford that for a weekend. So would you like us to book a posh holiday for just you and Dad or would you like us to find a cottage we can afford for a weekend?"

Yeah, I'd be avoiding any family meetings about how to spend my money.

Figure out what you want to do for the anniversary (if anything) and offer that, before Easter.

Don't get drawn into discussions about plans you were railroaded into and are expected to pay for.

This is their anniversary and it should be just the two of them (especially if the rest of you don't get on particularly well). I think it would be lovely to do something special for them - but only if you can afford it and only if you want to. What about Le Manoir aux Quat' Saisons - it's fabulous and you can buy a one night package for £850 (or obviously two nights if you are feeling generous) to include a wonderful meal in Raymond Blanc's restaurant. Much cheaper and I suspect much better all round.....

Sadly OP, I think that it would be out of the question, , face

Points to consider:
Lots of stairs - unsuitable for carrying shopping/kids falling down/old folk
Split over so many levels you would n't actually get a chance to really be together
Really nasty 80s orange pine refurb would give you aesthetic headaches

Why not go here and take me