About mil and fil's wedding anniversary? V long, for non drip-feeding purposes.

[bibbityisaporker]

My inlaws are celebrating their golden wedding anniversary at about this time next year and dh and his brother have already started planning their celebrations. This is actually mainly down to bil ... he likes to plan way ahead.

Anyway, there has been talk of us all going away for a week together, to which dh and I have said a plain "no thank you". This is because we do not get on particularly well with bil and sil and their children, can usually tolerate about 2 days in their company, but after that it all gets A BIT MUCH iykwim. Also, dh is self employed and never but never takes more than 4 days off in a row (and that is only at Christmas) except for our 2 week family holiday in the summer.

Right, so we are not going to go away for a whole week, so now the proposal is a long weekend but mil has got her heart set on this extra special cottage which is going to cost £3,000 for 4 nights - partly because it will be in the Easter holidays next year and I guess we have to pay for the full week

Mil and fil are very very low income, infact they are both living on state pension and a few top-up benefits. So bil proposed to dh that they share the cost of the accommodation (£1500 each).

Now am I bu to think that £1500 is a lot to spend on your parents golden wedding anniversary present??

To put it in context, dh is a highish earner, but not 6 figures, and our budget for our family holiday is about £3,000. We spend about £50 - £100 on each other for our birthdays, about the same on the children. I have a very significant birthday coming up this year and dh is going to buy me a laptop, I have never had one. So we are comfortably off but not rolling in it.

I am miffed that mil and pil would think this is fair and reasonable too, tbh.

Over to you lot.

Ive stayed in the House in the Clouds - I grew up locally and it was a hugely iconic part of my childhood and it was a dream to stay there. Yes, it's £700 a night (was £620 I think when we went) but it sleeps 12, so 12 of us went. When you do it per person it didn't work out a stupid amount.

The views from the upper gallery are amazing.

And I LOVE that I have stayed there.

Could you just do one or two nights? I'll bet there's a misunderstanding somewhere - either that they don't assume it's four nights or it's as you've already said, they just can't imagine that £3000 is a lot of money to you.

The latter is understandable actually, if they've never earned as much as you do and if your bil, when he suggested it, minimised the effect it would have on his (and your) finances.

I'm not saying do it but maybe give them the benefit of the doubt and don't assume they're a bunch of grabbers. But I tend to be pollyanna-ish so will admit that it all could be exactly as it seems, too!

YANBU. They and your BIL have to be practical even if it is an incredibly impressive anniversary and deserving of a lot of attention.

There are ways of having very special times without forking out loads (often they are the more memorable!) and you wouldn't want to remember it as the event that meant XYZ bad-to-do-with-money happened...

"I think it would be worth sacrificing your annual family holiday to make such a wonderful memory for the man and woman who raised your husband."

I'm afraid I can't agree with that SayNoToDaisy, and neither does dh. We both love his parents but ...

For all big birthdays/anniversaries, my parents insisted on meals out with family & friends, open bar - paid for by them. They were grateful for any presents, but having a good get together with their nearest & dearest was more important to them. They would have been embarassed if they thought my siblings and I were thinking about spending that kind of ££ on their anniversary.

Yes, they should be embarresed if they actually expect this amount of money to be spent on them.
And i wouldn't be going to any 'family meeting' is your mil the type to cry if she can't get what she wants?
I am a tough cookie, and would find that hard to deal with, without causing more upset.
Your BIL is a right little stirrer aswell, suggesting this and that, raising mils hopes without consulting you and dh properly first.

Big family talk-er no thanks!

It´s a no go for you-what is there to talk about?

I agree with charlearose This gathering will be used to brow beat and bamboozle you into paying for this ridiculous jaunt.

I'd not agree to go if this matter is still not resolved.

No good will come of this until someone wakes up and realises that it's beyond discussion.

I don't celebrate parents anniversaries... why would I? I wasn't at the wedding...

OK with my mum and her H anniversary, I don't bother either. It's between them. I wouldn't expect anyone to bother with my anniversary that wasn't ACTUALLY married to me!

Wow, YANBU. What does your DH think - you said he would go along with it for a quiet life but does he think it's a cheek too?

If they wouldn't ask you to pay for a night in the savoy for them, oils you point out that that would be cheaper to drive home the point about the cost?

I think LydiaWickham's suggestion is good.

Can you link the cottage for me please? I have to see what a dream victorian tat filled cottage looks like!

Okay I'm back again. I can't seem to leave this topic alone.

Is the House in the Clouds famous for some reason? I'm not originally from the UK, so I feel as if I'm missing something when people say "ooh is it the HITC?" Because I'll be honest, it just looks like someone set up a block of flats in the middle of the countryside. I've no doubt the view is nice, of course.

To the outside observer, it reminds me of one of these sort of things. Like the giant rocking horse I saw in South Australia.

Tangent, I'm off on one, I know. sorry!

Family talk at Easter?! About what - you already said you can't afford it so what is there to talk about? That's just a ploy to get you to agree to it, there may be blackmail about them dying soon and tears involved.

What a nightmare! I feel for you bibbity

Sorry - I have to agree with cakewench - this House in the Clouds seems a bit, I dunno, like a random thing you see and say "oh how cute" and then move on. I don't think "I need to stay there and walk up all those steps".

I agree with Cakewench that it doesn't look amazing. It appears rather odd, modern and sort of smooth and lego like. I can't see the appeal at all.

I don't see why this is a nightmare.

You aren't able to pay the 1.5k.

That's that really, isn't it?

Looks boring tbh (house in clouds).

The kids would be acting up in 3 hours , purely out of boredom.

Talk the pils on going on a golden anniversary honeymoon /goldenmoon instead .

Chip in £500 each , that should take them for a nice weekend in somewhere....and you don't have to go then .

Luct - just Google it!

Its odd that you seem to have have decided it is the House In The Clouds when I have never actually said that .

Well if it's not, you better fess up to where it is so we can have a good old nosey better advise you.

CenterParcs instead?

Well where is it then? You seem to be ignoring forgetting to answer us

The house in the clods looks horrible. I can't believe they are charging that much for it - did you see the room with awful pavement painters' style drawings of famous people? I think one is of a 70s Macca with a mullet.

Whether or not it is the HITC the money is excessive. I wouldn't wait for the big family talk in 3 weeks time - who wants to stew for that long? Just say how much you are prepared to shell out and see what the inlaws suggest?