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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that humans who shit in the woods should clean up after themselves?

157 replies

EasyToEatTiger · 11/03/2012 15:48

It's pretty revolting when your dog dives into the trees and starts eating human shit. People usually leave something behind which they've been wiping their bum with. People are always moaning about leaving dog poo behind, but little is said about human excrement.

OP posts:
batsintheroof · 13/03/2012 19:12

Also, I have trodden on shit with no footwear and also a cut-open toe (I cut my toe open on a rockpool at the seaside and then had to walk barefoot to the hospital). The doctor loved me.

sunshineoutdoors · 13/03/2012 19:14

I found a human poo in the changing rooms at Primark once. It's turned me into a right shopping snob, haven't stepped foot in there since.

sunshineoutdoors · 13/03/2012 19:15

Not saying that people don't shit in posh shops yes I am

freedom2011 · 13/03/2012 19:25

Haven't read the whole thread but response asking about bear shit from hassled made me cackle (no pun intended) so badly I frightened DH

limitedperiodonly · 13/03/2012 19:32

bats my parents had salukis and lurchers. No smell except when my mum fed them their favourite bubble and squeak

MmeLindor. · 13/03/2012 20:40

When my mum was a child, my granddad took her and her sisters on a rowing boat, in a Perthshire park. My mum whispered to her dad that she needed to go, so he held her up, saying it would mix with the water in the bottom of the boat and no one would ever know.

He obviously didn't know that it was not a wee she needed.

"Come in, No. 2" was never so apt.

effingwotsits · 13/03/2012 20:43

I was painfully desperate this morning and seriously nearly shat myself in lidl's. It was touching cloth.

However, had I shat, I would definitely cleared up after myself.

SanctiMoanyArse · 13/03/2012 21:02

We were visiting a lovely family pub in Newquay, the Welsh newquay. There was a nice outside area but someone had allowed their dog to poo there and boy did we bitch

Until we realised it was in fact ds3 who had pulled his pants aside and was pooing iin intermittent bursts down the leg of his trousers!

We still talk of it in hushed tones. And we went abck to nappies.

kipperandtiger · 13/03/2012 21:10

Not sure whether to laugh or cry, or both. I thought the usual convention was to dig a hole to do the deed and then cover it up with soil. It's supposed to be good fertiliser but only if buried. It attracts vermin otherwise. I am refusing to read if and how anyone tested to check if it was bear poo or human poo.

GrimmaTheNome · 13/03/2012 21:13

I am refusing to read if and how anyone tested to check if it was bear poo or human poo.

well, 'Am I in Canada or Britain' would probably do it.

jklikesrowing · 13/03/2012 21:16

we had a phantom shitter at school, we had the old style flip up top desks and they would shit in them!! once they even shat in the nasty teachers kettle!!!

Winkly · 13/03/2012 21:29

I swapped a shift with a colleague at work. (police)

He was covering custody and when he went to check on a prisoner in a cell they threw their own poo that they had been holding in their hand. It hit him right in the face.

His nickname was Shitface for a long long time.

That would have been me if I'd been in.

I have a lot more poo stories but this thread is making me feel sick.

QuintessentialyHollow · 13/03/2012 21:36

Exactly how do you know it is human excrement?

Quints 10 Steps to Pooing in Nature (for humans) :

The thing to do when shitting in the woods is to:

  1. Find a suitable rock first.
  2. You dig yourself a little hole, if you happen to have a spade, otherwise you lift some moss or grass up using your hands.
  3. Then you dump.
  4. Then you wipe.
  5. Put your paper on top of your poo.
  6. Then you cover this with the grass or moss you have unearthed.
  7. Put the rock on top.
  8. Clean your hands.
  9. Whistle a tune.
10. Be on your way.

The poo will soon be part of the great big process that fertilizes nature, without causing a nuisance to others.

... and dog owners should do it on behalf of their dogs, if they dont fancy putting it in plastic bags

kipperandtiger · 13/03/2012 21:45

GrimmaTheNome - OP could be posting from Canada, Alaska, or any of the other American states with bears.....I didn't dare to read a lot further in case someone was going to enlighten me about how to test the poo. As Winkly says, you can start to feel ill if you read too much. But all the stuff I was taught about camping was that you always dug a hole and covered it. That poor police officer. I really feel sorry for him. I have my fair share of poo stories from work (mostly to do with incontinence in ill people) but nothing as bad as that. Poor man.

RoxyRobin · 13/03/2012 21:50

Paula Radcliffe did it live on telly! Shock

"Was it worth it?" she must ask herself - it's probably what people will best remember her for. This people, anyway.

MmeLindor. · 13/03/2012 21:51

Quint
I will do that, if you would tell me how to train my dog to poo in a hole that I have just dug.

Btw, I have a non-smelly dog, at least when she hasn't been rolling in cow pats.

DamonSalvatoreIsMyLoveSlave · 13/03/2012 22:14

This is a common occurrence for some runners (ones that run a lot!). Running can make you a lot more regular and lots of runners get caught short on long runs in the middle of nowhere. My dh has done this a few times and it's earned him the nickname "one sock" as that's often all he returns home with Blush.

He says though that he literally cannot hold it in when it happens and he always goes deep in to bushes to make sure he is well out the way of other people (he would never go on a pavement of course if that makes it slightly more acceptable!). It's like the Paula Radcliffe moment Roxy mentioned. When these runners gotta go, they really gotta go. Even if half the nation are watching

DamonSalvatoreIsMyLoveSlave · 13/03/2012 22:16

Oh and btw, there was also a girl in my secondary school that smeared her shit all over the walls of the toilets in some kind of bizarre dirty protest and the whole school got a stern talking to. Phantom crapper was never found.

GrimmaTheNome · 13/03/2012 22:28

Kipper 'a park in East London'. I don't think we need to do tests for ursine DNA to rule out bears. Grin

cornsilkidy · 13/03/2012 22:30

i've just googled Paula Radcliffe Shock

GrimmaTheNome · 13/03/2012 22:31

Um, damon, why don't you equip your DH with some poop bags like all good dog owners carry?

CelticPromise · 13/03/2012 22:34

This thread is hilarious.

LookAtAllTheseFucks 'slack sphinctered secret shitter' made me laugh out loud. I may change my nickname...

DamonSalvatoreIsMyLoveSlave · 13/03/2012 22:53

tbf grimma, he doesn't actually do it that often. It's a fairly rare occurrence! If you are on a long run and have say 8/9 miles left to run, it's not really ideal to do it carrying a bag of shit. The places he usually runs are honestly the arse end of nowhere (no pun intended!) and he does go right out the way far from anywhere anyone would possibly walk.

It is a grim thought though and I tell him that! I have poo ishoos and find it hard to go anywhere but my own toilet at home.

Janoschi · 13/03/2012 23:36

The Clyde walkway was piled with human shit a few weeks ago. My dig also ate it and I almost threw up over the buggy.

Wrote to Council (never thought I'd become THAT person).

No more shit so far....

Fucking revolting though.

kipperandtiger · 14/03/2012 02:21

Grimma - thanks for sifting through all the posts for me. Yep, I can rule out bears from that info. Urgh, don't think I'll want to go into any East London parks again ever, lol. I see someone has reminded us about the Paula Radcliffe incident - urgh! All I could think of when I heard about it was, you'd think a famous runner could have asked someone to get an official to find her something 200 metres further down. That's certainly given a new resonance to the phrase "pit stop"............