to really not identify with the feminist boards on here, when i always thought I was a feminist

[DinahMoHum]

seems so joyless and anti sex.

I feel very conflicted now. I always thought feminism was about equality for women, which I dont believe we have, but it seems to re\lly be focusing on the wrong issues for me, and getting too much into dynamics of personal relationships, and peoples sexual preferences

im probably being unreasonable

OP YANBU. I read the board quite a bit but have never posted. I do think I'm a feminist but find it a bit highbrow and somewhat patronising TBH.

You're right, OP. Looking at the thread titles, there's nothing about DV, music, work, parenting, books or women's history is there? I think perhaps a little confirmation bias has crept in.

Of course you will see views that are different to yours about porn, prostitution (although I would be surprised if you see any attacks on the women involved) or BDSM. They are contentious issues within feminism, with good reason.

to me there is more to feminism than just having the same free choices as men

what if i want to traffick in young women to be forced to sell sex? this is a choice some men make, is it therefore feminist?

some choices arise only for women - the accessibility of abortion for example. no man ever has to deliberate over ending a pregnancy that is developing in his body, and then attempt to access abortion services to help him to terminate it safely

is access to abortion not a feminist issue, then?

i think seeing feminism through a lens of being free to choose as men do is restrictive, and superficial, and misses the point somewhat

I accept that I have not read every post in the feminism section, but I've read quite a few and can't ever recall seeing any poster write anything that seemed genuinely "anti sex". Anti the sexual objectification of women, perhaps. But not anti-actual-sex.

As for being joyless... well, again, I've seen the posters there be joky and funny at times. But honestly, this is a movement with serious aims, does it have to be consistently joyFULL? I mean, would anyone wander into an anti-racism forum and ask "come on, have a sense of humour! Where are the laughs?"

There is definitely more of a radical feminist flavour on those boards sometimes. Which can be difficult to identify with if you are a more liberal feminist BUT like all boards there are threads where I agree with the majority and threads where I don't.

On the whole it's a great board and I don't think there is any where near as much "I'm right, you're wrong" posting as there used to be. Go back on, post a bit, interact a bit, learn some stuff or just do something else. No need to agree with other posters even.

I have no interest in some of the other boards like fishnet and relationships so I just don't post there. Or start a thread about it. I just do something else.

I've lurked alot on the feminist board and have found it to be very thought provoking. It's made me examine my own opinions on a number of issues. Of course I'm not going to agree with every poster or the general consensus on every topic but it's great to read intelligent women discussing women's issues.

Fishnet and relationships?

That does sound rather niche Katie :)

Arf. Yes should have been or not and. I was distracted by a row debate with my husband about whether he should nip out and buy me another chocolate croissant to replace the one I bought that he gave to our toddler.

Now THAT is a feminist issue

I don't like the extreme shouty posters, they actually frighten me and usually put me off posting.

However I have just posted on a thread about PC Rathbone. It made me very cross and I don't care if they shout at me!

Oh my god Kaite - I actually love you

You have just reminded me I have a chocolate croissant in the cupboard! :)

can't even spell I am so excited :)

YANBU.

I totally agree. I sometimes get involved with the sexualpractices threads, having had a lot of experience in different "scenes" both via my work and personally, but the main posters want one opinion to prevail and won't get into discussion.

I keep off the relationship threads were threads are taken over by the same posters.

It is when i am being told that i am mis-guided and i am really being disrespected/dehumanised , or was during my 22 year happy marriage because i liked to engage in a type of sex.

Try to bring in Lesbian sex and are women devaluing women and they go silent.

I find that a lot of posters have limited knowledge about sex but see fit to preach at others.

"Add message | Report | Message poster Tee2072 Sun 11-Mar-12 11:10:37
No, it really isn't seeker. Thanks for proving my point."

I did mean to put a grin after my post because I was aware of the irony!

Feminism has to be about more than allowing women to have the same choices that men have- what if they are crap choices that are bad for women?

Who gets to decide if they are "crap choices" if not the individual making them? Surely I should be allowed to make my own choices and even my own mistakes?

Not if they are damaging to other people.

YANBU

I also would consider myself a feminist, but I don't identify with the feminist boards on here. That's not to say though that I am trying to have a dig at them or the posters on them, I think they get a hard time and I can see why they might get defensive. I think they should be able to have a safe space to post without being 'attacked' by people from other sites

I think the only thing I really don't like is the fact that sometimes it feels like I'm not 'allowed' to like the things I do, or that I don't really like them, I just think I like them because I'm conditioned to like them (or something like that anyway )

Oh good a thread that is a personal attack on the individuals who contribute to the FWR board but which will be allowed to stand because attacking people by referring to them in group terms seems to be just fine and dandy as far as behaviour standards on MN go .

Gosh we haven't had one of these threads for about at least two weeks so we are of course well overdue one. IIRC the last one was started by a troll but there were plenty of regular MNers who were gleefully enthusiastic about encouraging the trollish slagging off of other MNers.

I am sick and fucking tired of this shit on MN. Do you see the people who contribute the FWR section starting threads slagging off other sections of MN and the posters who are regulars there?

No you fucking don't. It would be nice if other MNers could adhere to similar standards of decent behaviour. I shan't hold my breath.

I shall expect to see posters taking full advantage of the 'they come across as ', loophole in the MN talk rules.

Plus attacking people as a group and not as named individuals because of course attacking people in an anonymous fashion is just brilliant behaviour isn't it? And not a personal attack at all.

I imagine we will also see a total lack of knowledge of what radical feminism is - it will be equated with extreme man hating. Plus the usual attacks of the FWR regulars being; too intellectual with their book reading, not funny enough when discussing rape and domestic violence which everyone knows are fecking hilarious, not willing to accept any choice made by a women as being a feminist choice (no shit).

I am anti-porn and I believe the sex industry (from page 3 to prostitution) is inherent harmful and destructive to women. It commodifies women's bodies whilst creating sex as abs rice which is primarily about the male orgasm.

See now that's an argument I can respect and understand.

I do not however respect or understand the usual argument that all porn is bad because some women are abused in that industry.

And the only reason I don't respect or understand that argument is because it's usually made by posters who have no trouble posting their argument from an ipad or other similar device, that may/may not have been made by abused women and children in sweat shops.

Therefore, some women are abused in that industry too...being forced to work alongside men and children in equally appalling conditions that sometimes cause permanent injury or death.

But that's ok as long as there's no sex involved it would seem.

I wasn't trying to slag anyone off

I thought this was just about people who saw themselves as feminists but didn't identify with a lot of the threads on the feminist board, I thought it was interesting to see how people who identified as a feminist could all feel so differently about what that really means

I'm sorry if I've insulted anyone

MNHQ please can you do something about these recurring attacks on posters?

We are not named as individuals and we are lumped into a homogeneous group - but these are personal attacks all the same.

Would this be accepted for any other board on MN?