to really not identify with the feminist boards on here, when i always thought I was a feminist

[DinahMoHum]

seems so joyless and anti sex.

I feel very conflicted now. I always thought feminism was about equality for women, which I dont believe we have, but it seems to re\lly be focusing on the wrong issues for me, and getting too much into dynamics of personal relationships, and peoples sexual preferences

im probably being unreasonable

YANBU to not identify with feminists on MN

You are however, BU to characterise it as joyless and anti-sex. Because if that's how you see it, you're obviously either not reading the same threads as I am or you are reading and not understanding them.

I find it interesting that so many women are so invested in holding on to their cognitive dissonance, that they are more interested in slagging off other women who are visibly fighting for equality, than they are in investigating inequality itself. If you have a personal gripe against the feminists on this board, that's fine; but to spend your time slagging them off instead of fighting for the sort of equality you want, seems to me to be doing something which men who hate women, l wiabsolutely love. Well done, another thread on MN slagging off feminists and feminism which will give joy and succour to woman-haters everywhere.

There was a very interesting thing by Zoe Williams the other day about the difference between sisterliness and feminism.

seeker, seeker - psst! Coven meeting, 3pm, in Fishnet between the thread about scale rot and the cracked aquarium ...

DoomKittens of CognitiveDissonance, am gleeful at that one just brilliant.

And, Ming, the irony inherent to your posits just delicious.

I can't imagine who the MN. Feminists are thought to be. I'm a feminist, I post on Mumsnet. Is it me you mean, Dinah? Am I a joyless, sexless harridan or not?

I'll give an example of bullying.

I once asked for backgound information on a topic being discussed. I was told really sharply "no, why should I do your research for you", and then on the next thread I posted on, received no response to the point I was making and instead was told "oh do go away, you only come on here to complain".

Following from thread to thread to be insulting and patronising? Yup, I see that as bullying. And it worked from the pov of the bullies; I barely post there any more (despite having done quite a bit before that out-of-the-blue incident).

Radical viewpoints such as not putting up with abusive behaviour from partners?

I think you'll find that the vast majority of Mumsnet (with a few notable exceptions) are the ones posting on those threads - not just those horrible feminist.

im not slagging off feminism, I have a bit of a problem with radical feminism. I think it IS joyless and anti sex and anti men.

I think theres a big difference between feminism in general and working to lessen the inequality worldwide, but the rad fem movement, just alienates people and gives the movement in general a bad name and makes people frightened of the word feminist

Dinah - how do you know it's 'really' just a relationship?

What you're basically saying is, people disagree with your take ... and agree with each other ... and all post.

So?

It's to do with having points of view. You can'tt expect your to be teh default just because it seems obvious to you.

meditrina - That's pants. But I'm guessing it was one poster being off rather than a gang. Did you report it?

"Following from thread to thread to be insulting and patronising? Yup, I see that as bullying."

Yup, me too. Cos no-one is doing that on here. Not at all. No way.

I find the feminism board to be the one I enjoy reading the most. Since join MN I have changed my mind about a number of issues been guided by links and book references. I rarely post there, not because I wouldn't be welcome but simply because I prefer to read.

I've shared a few PMs with a 'regular' on the feminism board and she is lovely, very kind and clearly cares a great deal about individuals and not just a cause.

I think you are missing out massively not taking the time to read/lurk/join in but you have to do what you enjoy obviously.

I disagree with you though and think it's totally out of order to start a thread like this.

I'm confused by this thread.

A) I thought today we were timetabled for a "you're going to be a MIL one day, and on that day you will understand everything your MIL ever did!" thread.

B) Does this thread concern whether it's unfair to interpret our personal lives through a feminist lens, then?

I think its going completely OTT about what actually IS abuse, and using examples such as a guy being lazy about putting the bins out, as a feminist issue and hes obviously a mysoginist and should be dumped etc.

It deflects away from real abuse

med - did you report?

Hear, hear, YuelingFanjo. No experience since university has made me think as much as discovering the FWR boards here. One of my first forays led to a sharp telling off from Dittany. She was right, took me months to realise it, and then a year or so to really grasp how many unexamined ideas I carried with me.

There may be posters who don't enjoy the boards, but there are others, like me, who applaud them. THANK YOU to all the amazing regulars who keep posting despite the recurrent sniping.

Do you think it's a nice thing to say about people OP? That they're joyless and sexless?

Is that a nice thing to say?

If you've only been here a couple of weeks as you say, I find that kind of astonishingly rude actually

Its a bit like walking into someone's house and shitting in their front room! How very rude.

meditrina those experiences sound awful - can you link please because I would like to report the posters concerned.

I wasnt trying to be either nice or nasty. I was just saying the general impression I got.

Did not report it. And it was more than one user name.

And yes it's pants.

But it was at a time when a (fairly identifiable) group was trying to establish a "safe space". MNHQ did at one stage point out that was not the purpose of a board on an open Internet forum, but by that stage I think the damage had been done.

I think you get far better debate away from that board tbh; more contributors, more interesting.

It is somewhat ill-mannered, ShirelyKnot, not to say boorish and crass.

.

What was the damage, Meditrina?

Some of the incidents and clashes happened a while ago though, the R&J law thread was one that I got into trouble with.
It only takes one bad experience for some people to be put off permanently, and to remember the incident in a less logical and more emotional fashion. I tend to move on rather than remembering names. Likewise when being told I was spouting rubbish by some more robust and confident posters, I expected that to be their opinion, so it didn't feel personal.

Well you might not have been trying to be nasty, but you certainly were.

Although I'm pretty sure that if I were to write a post and as I was doing so I accidentally wrote something like "I think that a whole bunch of posters are coming across as utter shitty holes" id be really embarrassed that I'd accidentally been really horrible.