Was it that odd, or is MiL overracting?

[Midnightmoon]

Had some bad news today and I was very upset the 2 older Dcs where on play dates. So it was just me, Dh and Dd2. Dd2 was asleep when it happened so it was just me and Dh. We curled up on the sofa and after crying all over him I fell asleep on him.
Was woken up an hour later by MIL who just lets herself in. She walked in and saw me still asleep on Dh at this point. She immediately jumped into a lecture on how this should not be done at all and using my Dh as a bed was direspectful towards him. Dh said he didn't mind and said she shouldn't of woken me up. (This is because I haven't been sleeping alot recently but MIL doesn't know this and if I'd of known she was coming I'd of tried to stay awake) MiL wasn't happy at this and asked where the Dcs where. Told her the 2 Dcs where out with their friends. She said I was awful mother and what if something had happened to the Dcs while i was asleep and they needed taking care of. I said that Dh would of woken me up plus Dh could of taken care of them otherwise. MiL pulled a face and then walked upstairs woke Dd2 , came down told me I needed to 'get cleaning' rather than laze around sleeping all day.
Dh got grumpy at this told her to leave and that she didn't know what I did for my family and that if it wasn't for me there was not way he would be able to do it all, she then left.
So was it that odd or am I the only one who has a very comfy Dh. :o

You can always buy extra eggs. Hell I'll buy extra eggs if it means you never having to see that woman again!

I can understand how you feel worried about your DH. For you it is easier to say they are not your family and to walk away from them, but for your poor DH to have to face up to what awful people his parents are must be so awful.

DP had some counselling and it helped her to understand that it was not her responsibility to deal with her mother's issues. We think there is certainly some unrecognised mental health issue underlying her behaviour but DP's M would never admit it or seek help.
I won't pretend it hasn't put a strain on our relationship but we muddle through.
DP's M is wreaking havoc on her grandchildren now. I am glad that we have nothing to do with her, she has caused so much trouble and damage.
Your DP might need some help, get him to your GP or to read some of the books recommended on Toxic Parent threads.

Thanks all we shall see how it goes.
I will buy Dd an easter egg to replace the ones she and Ds won't get.
I don't know how we will explain it too her though she is 5 so she will notice and ask questions.
Any offers?

If it were me I would simply say that because MIL was being a nasty evil bitch naughty you would not be seeing her ever again because she is poison until she can be nice and in the mean time the Easter bunny had sent a lovely Easter egg.

Well I think honesty is the best policy so something like "Granny said some mean things that made mummy and daddy sad. We don't want to see her for now."

I really don't think she should be forgiven, and I don't think any of you should have contact with her ever again. I know it's your DH's call but she is so outside the boundaries of good behaviour and so very, very spiteful and vile I can't see how she will ever change or even see that she's out of order.

OK, so from the first post I thought the woman was slightly mad.
Second post - this woman seriously has issues.
Last one - dear God, the woman is totally deranged!

I am so sorry that you lost a DC, worst nightmare. But for MIL to throw it at you like that?? Totally unacceptable and very for you.

Don't worry about DD too much, children can be easily distracted so I expect she will not notice.

The lack of contact seems more "final" to you, because you have got to the point you cannot bear it and you know this is the end. But as long as your DD is not informed of the "finality" of her absence she may well think they are busy and not even notice.

So, when she finally ask about grandma, don't say you are not seeing her anymore, just said simple (but true) sentences that she could understand: "We were not getting along very well lately so we decided to give each other some space for a while", or if she has seen your MIL being aggressive just say "Granny was not being very kind with us lately, and taht behaviour is not ok, so we thought that we will give granny some space until she understands she needs to be behave a bit better"

As long as you don't tell the children they are not seeing granny ever again, or for some months, they will be fine.

Thank you.
I wouldn't tell Dd that we were Never seeing her nanna again because I do hope that we and MiL will in the future be able to at least make it so that the ils see our Dcs again.

I am so very, very sorry for the tragic loss of your son. You have all my sympathies for such a heartbreaking, awful thing.

Her comment was unforgivablely cruel and I am so glad your DH stood up for you and his family.

My big mouth has recently got me into trouble so I probably shouldn't post this but IMVHO, your MIL is not evil or mentally ill but as you said, has clearly decided you are at fault for the accident, regardless of the facts, and is angry with you. She then behaves towards you based on that anger, and even hatred? This doesn't excuse what she said at all but perhaps it offers an explanation. Maybe when time has healed the wounds a bit more for you all, there may be an opportunity for your DH and her to reconcile. I don't think you should give her the benefit of your company for a long time, if ever again.

I'm very sorry that you and your family have had to go thru these horrible events and I hope that with her gone, you can have the peaceful, happy family time you all deserve

Even after all of the bad things that your MIL said, you still hope that she will be a grannie in your lives, for your kids.
I swear, you are a saint, and you deserve for her to fall at your feet in gratitiude that you are so forgiving.

Respect.

I am at her behaviour. Crazy crazy woman.

I was just bemoaning the fact that FIL bought DS chocolate at 9am

You are indeed a saint.

You're a better person than me - I would be very firm that she would be out of our lives for ever. Some things can't be unsaid, or unthought and I would never want anything to do with her again.

What a horrible woman she is how could she bring up your son like tgat. Totally unforgivable.

I'm sorry for your loss.

What an absolute bitch. Makes my slightly strange MIL look like Mother Teresa!

For what it's worth, I think you and DH have handled this impeccably. I also think you're saintly for hoping for some sort of relationship with her considering the fact that she's channeling Pauline Fowler at the moment. How mature! Your MIL could learn something frankly.

I echo comments above about being as honest as you can be with DC without descending into all out slagging off. They just need to know that your MIL said some horrible things and you all need a break from each other.

Good luck and I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how hard that must be and to have it thrown in your face like that is just nasty.

Oh my god, that is horrific! There is no excuse or reason in the world that I would have aything to do with either of them ever again, how fucking dare they? So sorry to hear of your loss.
I would not worry too much about your DC's asking questions, I would just tell them as simply as possible that some of nanny's behaviour is just not acceptable so for now you won't be seeing them.
If this is ever going to improve you and your partner need to come up with rules and boundaries, tell them how its going to be and what you expect and stick with it, don't worry about what everyone else says or thinks, it will be up to them whether they can change enough to be good enough to be in your lives, right now they are not! But I would not even consider giving them a chance until she genuinely feels remorse for her comments and behaviour and apologises.

award for the worst mother in law goes to........