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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was it that odd, or is MiL overracting?

292 replies

Midnightmoon · 10/03/2012 21:30

Had some bad news today and I was very upset the 2 older Dcs where on play dates. So it was just me, Dh and Dd2. Dd2 was asleep when it happened so it was just me and Dh. We curled up on the sofa and after crying all over him I fell asleep on him.
Was woken up an hour later by MIL who just lets herself in. She walked in and saw me still asleep on Dh at this point. She immediately jumped into a lecture on how this should not be done at all and using my Dh as a bed was direspectful towards him. Dh said he didn't mind and said she shouldn't of woken me up. (This is because I haven't been sleeping alot recently but MIL doesn't know this and if I'd of known she was coming I'd of tried to stay awake) MiL wasn't happy at this and asked where the Dcs where. Told her the 2 Dcs where out with their friends. She said I was awful mother and what if something had happened to the Dcs while i was asleep and they needed taking care of. I said that Dh would of woken me up plus Dh could of taken care of them otherwise. MiL pulled a face and then walked upstairs woke Dd2 , came down told me I needed to 'get cleaning' rather than laze around sleeping all day.
Dh got grumpy at this told her to leave and that she didn't know what I did for my family and that if it wasn't for me there was not way he would be able to do it all, she then left.
So was it that odd or am I the only one who has a very comfy Dh. :o

OP posts:
Rillyrillygoodlooking · 21/03/2012 09:43

I've just read your thread and I just cannot believe there are people like that in the world ( I believe you of course, I just don't want to believe it). There is obviously a vacuum where her heart should be.
I am so sorry for your loss Sad

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 21/03/2012 09:44

And I am so very sorry about the car accident, you poor thing. I cant imagine anything worse than losing a child.

She was vile to say that to you and Im glad your DH stood up to his mother. HIS MOTHER!

Eglu · 21/03/2012 09:58

OMG, I just can't find the words to describe how awful that woman is, and how much I feel for you. I'm so sorry for the loss of your DS, and that woman treating you in that way is beyond the pale.

I'm so pleased that you have a DH who is standing by you.

I would be having nothing more to do with either of the PIL ever again.

LydiaWickham · 21/03/2012 10:08

I am so sorry that your lost your DS, and so sorry that one of the people you should expect to support you and your DH has let you down so totally.

However your DH choses to behave now towards his mother (and cutting her out completely will be hard for him) it's perfectly reasonable for you to say you will cut her out of your life and you don't want her alone with your DC, so if your DH wants to maintain a relationship with his parents, he does so without you being there.

Her comment to you is unforgivable, don't think keeping the peace is more important than your own feelings.

Flisspaps · 21/03/2012 10:20

Midnight Shock Words fail me. I'm so sorry about your little DS, how dare she behave like that towards you. For me, that would be the last time I'd shut the door on her, because I sure as hell wouldn't be opening it for her in the first place ever again. Some things are unforgivable, and that comment is one of them.

mmmerangue · 21/03/2012 10:52

Absolutely awful. Can name about 20 things you anbu about and I hope she never darkens your door again. Suggest printing this out and posting it to her in the hope that she can realise how disturbed she is, how she could (will?) lose her child and grandchildren (as if one wasn't horrible enough already!) for her unforgivable behaviour.

IMO she needs professional help!

Chocolategirl3 · 21/03/2012 12:52

Absolutely shocking! you poor thing having to listen to those vile accusations! She will regret what she said to you for the rest of her sorry life, what a wicked person she is!

So very sorry for your loss xxxx

cocolepew · 21/03/2012 12:57

What a vile woman. I have a MIL like that, but like yours my DH stands up to her.

So sorry for your loss.

CaramelFreddo · 21/03/2012 13:01

I really hope that is the last you see of that vile poisonous woman. I am so glad you and your dh have such a great relationship. But wow how much nicer must life be without her evil input.

Panamama · 21/03/2012 13:18

Despicable excuse for a human being. She is deluded and cruel and you will be so much better off without her poisoning things. No one should ever say something like that, ever, and it shows how warped she is that she thought she could do so and get away with it. I'm sorry for what she said, and for the loss of your son.

Flibbertyjibbet · 21/03/2012 13:36

Not read the whole thread so someone might have suggested this.

Tell her that one of you has lost their bunch of keys and you'll need hers back. She will refuse. But, having told her that you've lost a set of keys you are then clear to have the locks changed, and if she objects tell her that of course a) you and hubby can't manage on just one key between you now and b) of course you need to change the lock as the missing bunch might have been found by someone who knows you.

Either way its win win for you - she either has NO key, or she has the WRONG key - can't let herself in anymore, simples.

Make a few noises about how ridiculously expensive replacement car keys are too, just to make it more authentic.

(Well it worked a treat for us!)

pumpkinsweetie · 21/03/2012 13:56

I think a restraining order may be needed with this mil-dont think not having a key is guna stop her. She even tried getting through a door chain

empirestateofmind · 21/03/2012 14:35

Flibberty- the locks have been changed. The updates are horrifying. Poor Midnight and her DH.

RuleBritannia · 21/03/2012 15:14

Hmmm. Having read this thread about this appalling MIL, I have to ask if she's foregn. Some of those from different cultures have different ways of family living.

tb · 21/03/2012 17:01

Midnight so sorry to hear about the accident and the loss of your ds.

Your Mil is a complete cow - I wonder if her extreme behaviour comes within the scope of the harassment legislation. Tbh, I think I'd be thinking about an injunction to keep her away from the place.

hattifattner · 21/03/2012 18:01

Oh my Shock - I think some things can never be unsaid, and that was one of them. I would cut all contact between you - your DH can go to them if he feels it necessary, but you and your DC should never speak to them again. What a completely vile human being.

Earthymama · 21/03/2012 18:07

I am appalled and moved to tears by this horrid horrid woman.
Bless you all, you must make sure you never see her again. Your poor DP, like mine, will have to work through the pain of realisation and grief but it can be done.
I'm sending you a cwtch, that's a Welsh cuddle, they are the best healing thing I know

morecoffeepleaseholdthecake · 21/03/2012 18:19

Hi midnight. I have like others been lurking and reading in disbelief about your MIL, but I was shocked at your last update. What a cruel cruel woman.

I hope you and your wonderful Dh and dc are ok.

Hope there have been no more visits from this woman. Thank goodness you've changed the locks.

ifeelloved · 21/03/2012 18:40

What a witch! I feel bad for wanting her to go round now, sorry midnight. You have a very good reason for never seeing her again.

Original poster
Midnightmoon · 21/03/2012 21:29

Sorry the update last night was a bit blunt.
Don't feel bad about wanting her to come round, If it was the other way around I know I'd of been waiting for the updates.
My main worry now is Dh and how he will deal with this, as it's his mum. Then explaining to Dd1 whats gone on as she will notice if there is no egg at easter and so on.
MiL is not forgien, she is Welsh same as me and most of the family.

OP posts:
Frontpaw · 21/03/2012 22:07

I am so sorry about what you have gone through.

She is ill - no other explaination really.

I would make sure that the rest of the family know what happened - the facts plain and simple, as I am sure she will be spinning her own tale with her as the martyr. People know what you have been through. If they decide to take her side, then they are as crazy as her.

Cut her out. You wouldn't hang onto a cancerous growth, would you? Cut her out.

PigletUnrepentant · 22/03/2012 01:14

Midnight, it will be difficult for your husband, I expect he grew up under the watch of very difficult to please mum, so it will take some time for him to come to terms with the fact MIL is so angry with him, he will feel split between you two.

Her behaviour is completely unacceptable but don't forget that inside of your DH there is a child who may have spend a significant part of his life trying to get his mother approval. If he gets wobbly at any point and start to doubt his decision to protect you, get yourselves to Relate pronto.

Hopandaskip · 22/03/2012 02:43

wow...wow

sorry.

south345 · 22/03/2012 03:15

Oh my god the evil cow, and I thought my mil was bad!

Moobee · 22/03/2012 03:58

I'm so sorry Midnight, she is evil. I hope you don't see her again, she sounds like a toxic, dreadful person to have around. I don't actually have the words for how horrible what she said was. You mention no Easter eggs for DD1 so I hope that means you've cut them off. I hope you're ok Thanks

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