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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to give DH a stern talking to when he gets home?

629 replies

CailinDana · 09/03/2012 17:44

DH's works full time in a flexible, non-stressful job that he loves, I'm a SAHM to an active but relatively easy going toddler. DH's jobs around the house are: cooking dinner each night (his choice, he loves cooking and hates clearing up), emptying the bins, washing his own clothes and hoovering at the weekend. That's it. Every so often we have a "discussion" about housework (ie I tell him he needs to keep on top of his jobs) he agrees he needs to buck up and he is very good for about a month afterwards. Then, everything slowly starts to slide. If I mention anything there's always an excuse: "I've been very busy," or some such.

This week my patience is wearing thin again. The bins are overflowing, and every week for the last three weeks they've been like that at some point. He's been ill for the last couple of days so I've said nothing and just worked around it because if I say anything I'll get the "I've been ill" and I'll look like a massive bitch. However, not long ago he rang me to ask if it's ok if he goes to the pub for a drink. I said yes even though I was a bit hacked off that I unexpectedly have no help with DS this evening (hate that, but I can deal with it) but more so because those bloody bins have been driving me nuts all week, I've said nothing because he's "ill" and now the poor "ill" baby is off to the pub!!! Grrrr!!

Am I being petty or should I tell him I've had enough of this? I mean, emptying the bins isn't too much to do of an evening is it??

OP posts:
FeckArse · 10/03/2012 18:25

I think you are both peculiar. Very peculiar.
I recommend that you take up arm wrestling

petitema · 10/03/2012 18:31

I am shocked by this OP tbh. You have one easy going toddler, a DH who cooks every night, empties the bins, hoovers and washes his own clothes Confused I don't think you realise how easy you have it. Shock

I have three DCs, youngest is 3, oldest 10. My DH works FT, we never see him before he leaves, he gets back as the youngest is going to bed. I cook all week, he does most at weekend, I empty the bins 70% plus of the time, he never rarley hoovers, he sometimes washes clothes at weekneds. i do the lions share of everything to do with children/home including shopping, school run, budgeting etc.

You sound like you have a very easy ride.

Goawaybob · 10/03/2012 18:35

I would like to say that i definately agree with Nyac over the work place, i just don't think we need militant feminism in the home. People should do their fair share, if they dont it is because they are lazy arses and i don;t think laziness resides on the Y chromosome.

I absolutely couldn't sit in a filthy kicthen and read my book - id shut the door on it and leave it til later

flippinada · 10/03/2012 18:37

"Or the person moaning about it being that pathetic they can't manage to take the thing out during the day as they come and go..."

Well, if it's so easy, why hasn't OP's DH done it? After all, it's pathetic not to.

CailinDana · 10/03/2012 18:39

Grin FeckArse.

The bins have indeed been emptied. DH is putting DS to bed and I've just put a lovely cake in the oven for a dinner party we're going to tomorrow. It's not all bin-related gloom in this household :)

OP posts:
flippinada · 10/03/2012 18:43

"Some men go straight from mothers house to wife's house and expect to be treated the same".

I think this is a big part of the problem. Men being raised to see women as some sort of servant class.

CailinDana · 10/03/2012 18:46

Despite the fact that this thread has sometimes become a bit nasty, I have actually found it quite helpful and cathartic. It actually has convinced me more strongly that I really need to nip this in the bud now.

To all the people saying "Well I have more children, and I do everything, you have it easy" - I might have it easier than you now, but we're planning to have more children so it makes a lot more sense to me to sort this out now once and for all than to wait till I have three sprogs hanging off me and I'm worn to a nub.

OP posts:
MrsHeffley · 10/03/2012 18:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

MrsHeffley · 10/03/2012 18:50

"nip it in the bud" PMSL

Err you might just find yourself on your tod.

runningforthebusinheels · 10/03/2012 18:50

petitima - get thee to FWR immediately if you're not happy about it!

If you are happy about it, then what's the problem? OP is not happy about it.

Nor should anyone try to persuade her she should be.

runningforthebusinheels · 10/03/2012 18:51

Is this thread going to turn into a 'who's the biggest martyr' thread? Grin

MrsHeffley · 10/03/2012 18:53

You need to make a list and compare,no way on earth are you doing more than him.

He will be doing a commute on top of everything else.What do you do?Care for a toddler(they often amuse themselves),do a bit of cleaning and a household shop-woopy bloody do!!!!!

KalSkirata · 10/03/2012 18:55

why should the woman remember all the tasks. Her husband is an adult who should be able to see what needs to be done and do it.

everlong · 10/03/2012 18:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Moln · 10/03/2012 18:57

You all have it easy. I have 5,260 children and do all the housework, including the and my all neighbours' houses.I'd never complain. My husband works 3,000 hours a week so I think it's only fair

MrsHeffley · 10/03/2012 18:58

No you need to act like a partnership and divvy things up fairly.

My dsis is the breadwinner in her house,no way would my bil expect her to cook a meal,care for a baby,put bins out and wash clothes after she'd staggered through the door after an exhausting rush hour commute.

It's all about being fair and treating people with respect not being all out for yourself and bitching over fuck all.

AyeRobot · 10/03/2012 19:05

He agreed to put the bins out after copping out of the previous agreement to clean the bathroom. The OP thinks they are divvying up the tasks between them, but he fails to let her know that he isn't going to bother doing the stuff he agreed to and just leaves them. THAT's the problem, isn't it? That the OP thinks that they are in a partnership where they discuss and divvy up, when in actual fact he just ignores the stuff he can't be arsed with. I don't know how to resolve that.

DefiniteMiss · 10/03/2012 19:05

'Why should it be seen as out of the ordinary that a woman knows what her boundaries are and states them without apology?'

Could you imagine the sort of reception a man would get if he posted this about men on MN Grin

KalSkirata · 10/03/2012 19:07

what AyeRobot said

AyeRobot · 10/03/2012 19:07

He gets home at 5pm!

MeltedChocolate · 10/03/2012 19:10

Also laughing at 'nip this in the bud'. I hope he sees he is getting taking advantage of an nips THAT in the bud.

MrsHeffley · 10/03/2012 19:11

I don't see how being at home all day and not cooking the evening meal is a fair split.During a typical day with 3 toddlers I had many periods of free time,said dh will have none plus an 8 hour solid working day,a commute and then the op gets to relax whilst dh cooks the meal etc.

Why isn't the op working instead?

Also-the title,"a stern talking to" how bloody rude and degrading.If I ever treated my dp with such little respect we'd never have lasted the 22 years we have.

Almostfifty · 10/03/2012 19:13

Cailin,

I had four children. I did/do all the housework. It wasn't hard.

When he came home from work we just got on with the odds and ends that needed doing together, but I'd never have expected him to come in and start cleaning, hoovering or doing washing. That's part and parcel of being at home with your children as I personally see it.

It's so much easier to get it all done during the week, then you can have a the whole weekend and evenings together as a family or (when they've gone to bed) as a couple.

PurpleRomanesco · 10/03/2012 19:15

What do you do?Care for a toddler(they often amuse themselves),do a bit of cleaning and a household shop-woopy bloody do!!!!!

Don't be so bloody arrogant.

MeltedChocolate · 10/03/2012 19:17

Love how people think that they can act appallingly and get away with it by calling it feminism.

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