to give DH a stern talking to when he gets home?

[CailinDana]

DH's works full time in a flexible, non-stressful job that he loves, I'm a SAHM to an active but relatively easy going toddler. DH's jobs around the house are: cooking dinner each night (his choice, he loves cooking and hates clearing up), emptying the bins, washing his own clothes and hoovering at the weekend. That's it. Every so often we have a "discussion" about housework (ie I tell him he needs to keep on top of his jobs) he agrees he needs to buck up and he is very good for about a month afterwards. Then, everything slowly starts to slide. If I mention anything there's always an excuse: "I've been very busy," or some such.

This week my patience is wearing thin again. The bins are overflowing, and every week for the last three weeks they've been like that at some point. He's been ill for the last couple of days so I've said nothing and just worked around it because if I say anything I'll get the "I've been ill" and I'll look like a massive bitch. However, not long ago he rang me to ask if it's ok if he goes to the pub for a drink. I said yes even though I was a bit hacked off that I unexpectedly have no help with DS this evening (hate that, but I can deal with it) but more so because those bloody bins have been driving me nuts all week, I've said nothing because he's "ill" and now the poor "ill" baby is off to the pub!!! Grrrr!!

Am I being petty or should I tell him I've had enough of this? I mean, emptying the bins isn't too much to do of an evening is it??

Ahh sorry Nyac, I think we are talking about different things, I thought your earlier post asked why nowadays companies didnt have tcreches. I didnt realise you were talking about flexible working.

Well, it is stepford-y to say women should, by default be doing all the housework because it's their job, when there's another able bodied adult in the house.

I do all the housework/grot work in my house, but that's because I'm the only adult. I don't do it cos I enjoy it, frankly its repetitive, tedious and bloody hard work, I do it because it has to be done so we can leave in a clean and comfortable home.

I'd be hugely frustrated and pissed off if there was another adult in the house who wasn't pulling their weight and had to be instructed on how to do things like an overgrown child. And really, who wouldn't

AyeRobot, I think your approach is sensible. Isnt that what most people do? Is it too simplistic? I can't follow all the different angles on this thread. It feels as though people are arguing different points but conflating them into a single issue.

My DH is great at emptying bins, but not a clue when it comes to cooking.
Look: life is too short to have a screaming match over bins, choose your battles.

In our house, DH works and I am a full-time, disABLEd carer for our young son, and general skivvy to our teenage DD

We share everything but there's no hard and fast rules. We both cook, clean and shop. We don't have rules or designated jobs, it doesn't work in our house.

DH is the breadwinner but I am still responsible for some of the household bills, shopping budget and other little expenses like school trips and Birthdays.

We're a team, no matter what happens, we adjust to what the day brings if we have to and adapt as needs be.

I've read this thread.

We are living in 2012 aren't we?

SirGin you are wrong. Feminists do not think men are inherently misogynistic. Finials recognise that people have grown up in a society that devalues women and hence are used to social norms that put women at a disadvantage. Both men and women need to wake up to that - it is mostly women saying misogenystic things on this thread.

Fuck. Finials = feminists obviously. Thanks 'smart'phone.

Hellboy, I was talking about the workplace being set up for men's needs and interests not womens. Flexible working and creches or smaller organisations subsidising childcare are all parts of that. The point is recognising that a lot of workers are also parents with responsibilities. Traditional workplaces don't do that.

I think the work place is set-up the way it is to make a few men rich.

flippinada Isn't it a bit stepford-y to say that women, by default, be doing all the housework.

What if the woman actually likes doing it? I am not that woman, but im sure shes out there - somewhere

Nyac - you would dump your husband for not putting the bins out? God alive! the poor bugger must be shit scared of you!

I certainly think that companies are prejudiced against parents, so i suppose by default, women seeing as principally childcare does seem to fall to the woman, becuase the man earns more!!!! nuff said

and for all the other stuff the OP listed in case you missed it GoawayBob.

Nyac no, you said "Or another example, it's why most workplaces don't have creches. When they needed women in the workplace e.g. during WWII, they had them"

So my response, and your subsequent ones were about this, and then your last post was about flexible working

Well if she genuinely likes it that's fine Goawaybob.

In that case though I suspect it wouldn't even be raised as an issue, purely because people don't get narked at or complain about things which they enjoy.

In case anyone missed it, the OP posted earlier that her dh was sitting in a filthy kitchen reading a book. Who'd do that? It's saturday ffs, chores should be 50-50 at the weekend or whenever the time off work falls. It's funny how people keep focussing on the bins - it's clear the bin incident triggered this thread, but it's about the general attitude the dh has of leaving everything to her. I can't believe people think its ok for their dh to leave dirty plates lying around for them to pick up.

I sincerely doubt the whip is out in any feminist's household, as we tend to choose men who don't automatically think cleaning is women's work and can clean up after themselves! However, a few of the posters on here could do with getting the whip out - even my children know how to scrape their plates and put them in the dishwasher.

Then you ignored the first part of my post which was about the fact that workplaces are male-centred and male designed hellboy. Why ignore the context the remark was made in?

"I never said they sat around and had a conversation, that's your spin. However men have designed the workplace to suit themselves, not women. There you go, it's not bonkers, it's been widely discussed an analysed by people interested in workplace organisation. It's why we've had to fight for things like pensions for part time workers, maternity leave, flexible working, because women with other commitments like childcare find it difficult to fit into the traditional male-designed workplace.

Or another example, it's why most workplaces don't have creches. When they needed women in the workplace e.g. during WWII, they had them."

Are you really going to keep nitpicking at this?

If anyone ever asks me to direct them to the biggest load of guff ever laid to text on the internet i shall direct them to this thread.

In the meantime... Do people really argue about such issues in RL?! It's a fecking bin. It takes 10 seconds to empty. Who gives a damn who puts it out. What a miserable and sad existence. I'd rather someone shot me than be in a relationship where this sort of thing was considered an issue.

"Nyac - you would dump your husband for not putting the bins out? God alive! the poor bugger must be shit scared of you!"

What an odd comment. Why should it be seen as out of the ordinary that a woman knows what her boundaries are and states them without apology?

Me too Sparks. Imagine the guy just not getting on and taking the bin out instead of leaving it for three weeks.

"Do people really argue about such issues in RL?"

Well obviously they do or the thread wouldn't have run to this length.

Indeed, must be really terrible to be in a relationship where things you should be able to take for granted are never done.

Imagine the guy just not getting on and taking the bin out instead of leaving it for three weeks

Or the person moaning about it being that pathetic they can't manage to take the thing out during the day as they come and go...

Some men go straight from mothers house to wife's house and expect to be treated the same.

I'm raising my boys to look after themselves, and treat women with respect - not domestic drudges. And yes, that means taking the bloody bin out before you go to the pub, if that's your agreed job!

They will hopefully, as a result they will have equal and fulfilling relationships with emancipated women, who won't be knackered and resentful because they are mopping the kitchen floor whilst their dh lies on the sofa.