To say no?

[Mama1980]

Hi new here just wanting to see if I'm overreacting here :) my brother is getting married in July I have been asked to be chief bridesmaid. Thing is I have scars everywhere I was in a car crash at 27 weeks pregnant my ds thank goodness is fine :) she has chosen long strapless dresses which would expose the scar along my sternum, shoulder blade and neck where I had a central line in plus one on my cheek. She has asked me if I would conceal them for the wedding photos with make up. Now I love my scars they are who I am a reminder of what my body survived, that it protected my baby when drs thought it was hopeless I wear a bikini, children come up and ask me if I was attacked by a shark lol! I never conceal them am I unreasonable to be hurt by this request?

Blimey, you sound absolutely amazing!!! I am full of admiration for you. Yes your SIL is BVU to ask you to do this. I think your attitude is bloody marvellous. Be proud of who you are.

No YANBU. I think your SIL2B is shockingly unfair and insensitive to ask you to do this.

I'm not sure how you deal with it though. I'm certain that someone here will be more constructive than me but I wanted to give you some immediate support.

How insesitive of her! I'd be tempted to tell her to get lost!

YANBU - your attitude is brilliant and more people should see things the way you do. I am sure you will look amazing (perhaps that's her fear, she's going to be overshadowed by her fab bridesmaid!)

If your scars were on your face, would she ask you to cover it up?

I'm stunned and actually disgusted she asked you to cover them.
YANBU.
Tell her no.

Why choose a strapless dress if she doesn't want your scars to show? Surely this warranted a conversation before she bought them dresses in case such a revealing dress made you uncomfortable?

Be yourself, be proud of your survival and have a frank conversation about how you can't really cover such scars with make up and would she like to find a different dress if they bother her.

That's a bloody appalling thing for her to ask. I'd be telling her where she can stick her strapless dress.

Wow!! I was expecting you to say..."I am too embarrassed/shy to wear the strapless dress, what can I do?" - so I am mahoosively impressed with you.

I think she has a cheek asking, quite frankly - she should be proud of you.

Perhaps, to keep the peace, you could say "Well, yes, I will if that's what you really want, Bridezilla, but I'd prefer not to" and see what she says.

what a wonderful person you are.

YANBU

bloody hell.

you ARE NOT bu.

I have scars all over my hips after about a variety of operations as a child and adult, I look a bit like a rag doll which has been badly stitched together. So I do understand how you feel about them being a reminder of healing, it took a while but I take a lot of positivity from them now (plus I always win the best scars competition - you might give me some competition though! :)).

I think if you don't usually cover them then she is totally unreasonable asking you to conceal them - especially the one on your face. It's suggesting that you aren't attractive enough as normal, even if that's not her intention. Mine aren't visable unless I'm in short/bikini, but I suppose if I was a bridesmaid at a beach wedding and had to wear a bikini and was asked to cover them up, I'd refuse and be really insulted.

So YANBU. She is being rude. Ask her if she wouldn't mind covering up her nose in holiday photographs as you find it large, crooked and unattractive and see how she feels.

You sound an inspiration. Your future SIL sounds very immature. Does your DB realise he is marrying such a shallow person?

Whaaat? Is she only inviting attractive people so as not to spoil her photos? is everyone going to have their makeup, hair and clothing vetted so everyone looks suitable? Bloody hell, talk about Bridezilla. Why do people get so incredibly precious about weddings? Tell her to piss right off, YADNBU!

Wow! What a cow.

And tell her that she's not allowed to photoshop the pictures either.

Will she be getting any guests who don't conform to her aesthetic standards to get face lifts beforehand?
What about short people - mandatory platform shoes unless any height differences spoil the line of the photos. Or maybe the tall people could stoop a bit.

She could include Weight Watchers vouchers in the invititations of any guests she feels is overweight...

You sound like someone who is beautiful both inside and out OP.

If she's offended by them or thinks they'll spoil her bloody pictures, she's an arse. For choosing a strapless dress she's a double arse.

You are amazing & YADNBU

Good luck broaching it, be yourself.

I am gobsmacked.

SURELY she meant 'if you felt the need to you could cover them with make up?!'

Surely she didn't just come and and you to for her

x post with pansy!

YANBU - she's incredibly rude.

Can she afford the cost of a consult and the make up at Charles Fox covent garden. If yes then it's entirely your choice.

If no, then I wouldn't be too polite in your response!

"But I can also see why your db has asked you to cover up and if I'm honest I have to agree with him. "

Honestly, what is the reasoning behind this?

Would you be OK with someone being asked to grow their hair long before a wedding because the bride thought that their sticky out ears would ruin their wedding photos? Because I don't see a difference.

YANBU to be hurt and I am shocked your brother allowed you to be treated with such disrespect.

You are certainly NBU! We are who we are because of our experiences in life and one of yours entailed your body protecting the life of you and your unborn baby. That's something to be immensely proud of not something to cover with make-up. Your SIL-to-be sounds about as shallow as a bloody puddle in the Gobi desert, I pity her empty thoughtless soul! Be proud, you'll look beautiful and if she's got a problem with that tell her to poke it! You should choose your bridesmaids because they mean something to you, if she wants a bunch of plastic mannequins let her buy some for the day .....I'll shut up now.....You get the gist