To say no?

[Mama1980]

Hi new here just wanting to see if I'm overreacting here :) my brother is getting married in July I have been asked to be chief bridesmaid. Thing is I have scars everywhere I was in a car crash at 27 weeks pregnant my ds thank goodness is fine :) she has chosen long strapless dresses which would expose the scar along my sternum, shoulder blade and neck where I had a central line in plus one on my cheek. She has asked me if I would conceal them for the wedding photos with make up. Now I love my scars they are who I am a reminder of what my body survived, that it protected my baby when drs thought it was hopeless I wear a bikini, children come up and ask me if I was attacked by a shark lol! I never conceal them am I unreasonable to be hurt by this request?

maybe it was 'you' plural. were we both 'charming' on the other thread?

i cant believe she would even ask you that! when i first started reading your post i thought that maybe you were bothered by them, but if you are not, then neither should anybody else!
You are an inspiration and i wish there were more people like you (myself included) that were comfortable to show the world the true you.
I would refuse if she insits on you covering them

Bride sounds badly brought up.

either she assumes/thinks you don't want your scars seen and will want to disguise them anyway, in which case it was a poor choice of dress without a little chat with you too see if make-up could compensate for lack of coverage,

or

She knows your attitude to your scars in which case she is being a cow to make you cover them up knowing you won't want to.

Either way she has made choices which can only bring you unhappiness/embarrassment - bad manners.

What does your brother think?

ahhh Mama1980 (hug)

Just read back and found you saying your brother was angry with her. At least you know she was acting alone and is just a very shallow and unimaginative person. She clearly has no ability to put herself in your shoes and for that reason although it is totally understandable you are hurt she doesn't deserve the waste of your emotions on it.

I think you are brilliant for having that chat with her - it was kindness itself as you could have just told her to get stuffed - you are a star!

I have a scar I tell the kids is a shark attack - and before I came to terms I tried make up - it didn't hide it effectively and just made me look like I had got made up without the benefit of light or a mirror!! So even if you wanted to oblige it wouldn't necessarily do what she wanted anyway.

She is sad and wrong for making the request - you would be uncomfortable all day and that isn't how you want to remember your brothers wedding is it.

I bet he sorts her out and it all gets forgotten. I hope you can let it go so it doesn't get you down on the day.

She is clueless about what you have been through too - silly immature little girl.

Good luck

YANBU... if she insists on dresses that show your scars it should be your decision whether to hide them or not.

Stupid bint actually. She's annoyed me even when it's none of my business. GinPalace - spot on.

The same thing happened to my husband although not with strappy dress . My husband was dragged under a car as a child and has very severe scarring all over his head/scalp. He keeps his hair very short (to hide the grey) and his soon to be sil asked him to grow his hair for her and his brothers wedding.

It didn't end well , this was a good few years ago and things haven't been "right" since. At the time I put it down to a bridezilla moment, but she's just a selfish person [shrugs]

why is this turning into a massive fight?
someone has come for advice, and some ie. everlong have given their opinion that is what aibu is all about. She has explained what she meant by her comments, so cant it just be left at that?
If op was offended by what everlong has said she would have tackled it herself, it is not up to you to be offended on her behalf.
Can we maybe get back to the point of the thread

I reckon she doesn't want everybody being more interested in you than in her!

Silly tart.

She could add a shrug or summat to the bridesmaids' outfit, but the damage is done now. Congrats on explaining to her - more gently than I would have done.

puds did it occur to you that other posters may have bad scars and to see what appears to be a poster on here agreeing that OP should cover up could be very hurtful to them. perhaps they are offended on their own behalf?

thats true boohoo i didnt think of that. I dont want to offend anyone, i just thought it would best to get back to helping the op rather than arguing amongst ourselves.
Im sorry if ive upset you, this was not my intention at all.

This is starting to make me feel a bit uncomfortable, everything that is being directed at everlong. I have read the whole read and I understand what they mean, sometimes meaning can be misinterpreted on the internet but they have explained several times now that they are not saying its right to be embarassed by the scars - just that some people might be.

I'd be really proud to have you as my bridesmaid the same as I would feel about the others.

I do not believe the OP should wear a dress covering her scars, imagine if such a dress was brought, marking OP out as very different?

Equally disgusting.

I'm so,so glad you are OK with you OP :)

Your DB and SIL to be are being unreasonable , if they know how you feel about the scars and are coming from the ' dont want the disfigured in the photos' angle.
By the way if i were you , i would go back to them and explain that you have absolutely no issue with your scars and are quite happy to wear the revealing dress unless its in a hideous colour in which case this might be the time to get something more stylish . Then just to put the boot in , tell them if they think you will spoil the photos , they can always ask the photographer to photoshop your scars out , whilst he is dealing with her/his big nose/multiple chins /excessive facial hair/sticky out ears etc etc , basically pick one that you know they are sensitive about

frumpet - OP said later in thread the DB hadn't known what the SIL was up to - he was angry and she is now waiting on their next move. :)

frumpet yeah hehe

Or ask her if she is having her hairy arms waxed or is she covering themupetc

Sorry, but you SIL2B sounds very shallow, are you sure your brother wants to marry her!