To say no?

[Mama1980]

Hi new here just wanting to see if I'm overreacting here :) my brother is getting married in July I have been asked to be chief bridesmaid. Thing is I have scars everywhere I was in a car crash at 27 weeks pregnant my ds thank goodness is fine :) she has chosen long strapless dresses which would expose the scar along my sternum, shoulder blade and neck where I had a central line in plus one on my cheek. She has asked me if I would conceal them for the wedding photos with make up. Now I love my scars they are who I am a reminder of what my body survived, that it protected my baby when drs thought it was hopeless I wear a bikini, children come up and ask me if I was attacked by a shark lol! I never conceal them am I unreasonable to be hurt by this request?

Oh ok x post I see Marriedinwhite has corrected herself. Getting past your bedtime miw?

ahhh! xposted there! that makes sense now

This is the op's first post she is going to think we are all mad

Thank you everyone again for all your opinions I think I am just going to tell her politely and firmly that covering up is not a option. And that if she doesn't want my scars in the photo that I will step aside as bridesmaid, no hard feelings. If she asks I will explain further, it's awkward as we are very different but fingers crossed we can escape a falling out. It's hard not to be hurt but I don't think she was being purposely unkind, I hope not anyway. Thank you especially all you who shared your scar experiences - I will bear in mind the crocodile update

Sorry Everlong, I can't find where you said why you agree with it. would you be embarrassed in db/dsil situation?
That's a yes or no question.

Your SIL sounds incredibly rude and shallow if she has asked you to cover up. My 22 yo sister is going to be my chief bridesmaid in June and she is also scarred. She has severe psorasis that the docs cant work out how to treat and its taken the skin off from fingertips to elbows, along her collarbone and chest and the lower half of her face. Shes struggling with her confidence and finds it easier to tell people theyre burns rather than explain what psoriasis is and how it isnt contagious.

Although I didnt care about how it'll look in the photos I did ask her if she felt comfortable doing it (as the condition didnt flare up until after she'd agreed to be bridesmaid) and wether she would like make up or a shawl. I was more worried about her feeling self concious than anything else and I didnt want to put pressure on her if she didnt want to be in the limelight. My heart broke when she phoned me all excited and said "Its okay Reeble, Ive found some make up that covers the scars so I wont ruin the photos!" She honestly thought I was worried :(

Maybe your SIL is worried about your confidence (although it doesnt sound like it!) but if she is genuinely worried about how things will look I think you need to have a serious word with both her and your DB.

You are so lovely! They are lucky to have you in the family. I do hope it was a misunderstanding. x

can someone repeat the question?

You didn't post at 21.06!

All you said is you think the DB/DSIL would be embarrassed, but that isn't YOUR reason for agreeing - that's an assumption you're making as to WHY the OP was asked to cover up.

Ok
Why
Would
You
Agree
With
Db/dsil
About
Covering
Scars
?

You said that you can understand why they would want them covered nd to be honest that you agree!
So, why would they want this? And you agree with it?

That's disgusting of her to ask.

But it's not reasonable, or nice for him to think that, or act on it by asking her to cover up, right?

I have a nasty skin condition that as well as looking pretty awful at times has left scarring. It isn't covered up after a few years ago when I had a 'sod it, it's me' moment and have been happier since. If I had been asked to cover it up I would be very upset.

I hope it all works out somehow OP, feel free to say no it may be her wedding but you are you, scars and all.

YADNBU and your SILTB is bang out of order for asking you to do so.

What a shallow bitch!! You are not BU at all!!

What did you say when she asked you OP?

And did you ask her why she wants you to conceal them?

FWIW I think that it is understandable for you to be hurt but perhaps it would help to ask her what her reasons are. Perhaps she is, as many posters have said, a shallow bitch but perhaps, to give her the benefit of the doubt until you have chance to speak to her, she mistakenly feels that she is protecting you somehow and hasn't realised how confident you are about them.

What's with the everlong baiting?

i know that if i had bad scars i would be posting AIBU? My new SIL2b wants me to wear a strappless dress, WIBU to ask her if i could cover them up - but then I'm insecure about my face/body without scars. My sister has scars on her face from going through a windscreen in her wild youth. She doesm't use makeup but does wear a long fringe. Each to their own

, there is no 'right' way to be.
Maybe SIL2b was trying to be diplomatic about your own scars, in case you were insecure about them. I'm in awe of OP for her attitude!

Sorry don't know why that was all struck out - didn't know I could do that!

Captain, because everlong said
"But I can also see why your db has asked you to cover up and if I'm honest I have to agree with him"

Maybe it's because, like me, she would be insecure about showing them. That;s why she's agreeing (hypothetically) with DB.

Anyway the OP has her answer. It's not up to us to tell anyone howthey shoudl feel about their scars/bodies/faces.